Introduction and concerns.

[carpathia]

I am a 23 year old guy.

I live with constant anxiety over silly to serious things. I feel it is effecting my physical health worrying all day.

I have trouble going outside, and when i do i smoke a lot. I quit smoking whenever i have a stint at home.

I feel like nobody else understands how it is to get worked up over everything. It's not just anxiety things like not being listened to upset me more than i can describe.

I worry about my self image. What i can do with my life when i am like this. How long it is before i lose my girlfriend due to my constant lack of trust and worrying. I think my family think i fake it to just not work. The benifits people stopped my money and i have to lodge an appeal because im not capable of blurting everything out to some complete stranger.

I constantly feel sick in my stomach like i have just lost someone close to me. All i want is my family to understand this and i don't think they ever do. I don't think i am depressed but i am certainly frustrated and upset most of the time.

My girlfriend can take my mind off of it like nobody else, but i think she gets sick of me being so needy. I feel like i can't do this on my own anymore. I can't just walk into a shop alone and talk to a sales assistant. I can't order food myself or i worry the people are thinking i am being fat for whatever i order.

I just want some advice on explaining it to other people. There is more i can't put into words. But i'm happy with this for now, thank you.

[alankay]

Carpathia, yep. Folks have a hard time understanding how an anxious person feels. We all know we shouldn't feel this way but nevertheless we do. Seems like you have some Social Anxiety and some Generalized Anxiety. Getting them to understand is one thing but what about going a taking to someone how DOES understand. A counselor or GP can help get you on the road to feeling better. Even if you got those around you to better understand how your feeling, won't it be best to see if you get a big reduction in your anxiety by treatment. It saved my tail. I tried to just get over it/ignore my anxiety but that didn't work you know. Getting treatment both talking with a counselor/therapist and meds via an MD/DO is key. I know this costs so do you have any coverage(insurance)? Anyway if you can't afford the costly therapist a GP should be able to get you some relief(at less cost) since you seem to be feeling pretty bad right now. I will say there are some folks who do empathize out there. Just seems your family doesn't right now. Have you spoke with your family("I think my family think i fake it")? You never know. You might be surprised if you spoke to a parent or sibling you think might be the most understanding. When I felt so anxious my older brother really shocked me by his support. That's way back in the past now and getting some treatment is key in my opinion. Are you open to trying meds for a while to get yourself in a better place and then maybe stopping them later? Consider that and a sincere talk(I know it's hard) with maybe your Mom/Dad. Once they know more about what you dealing with they might come around 180 degrees. If you don't speak up they will assume what they feel is a more common scenario(you're being a lazy bones guy, etc) instead of the truth. In the past when I was socially anxious I was shy. Turns out folks THOUGHT I was stuck up and why I didn't talk much. It's because they had NO CLUE I was anxious but when I did and got to know more kids at college I told them I hated being the center of attention, etc, that made a huge difference to know I was very shy. Maybe if you spoke up they would really be there for you instead of having some false beliefs about you. If I had to bet, I might bet they will. Message me any time. Alan

[carpathia]

Luckily we have the nhs so the medical side of it all is covered. I have been trying to avoid meds, it may sound stupid but if this is me feeling like this, i would rather change the way i see everything than forcefully alter it with drugs. Obviously not a huge success thus far. I saw a cognitive therapist and his entire strategy seemed to be go outside more, work yourself into the situations you avoid. I never had a technical diagnosis from them they just identified my dichotomous and catastrophic thinking.

A lot of people think i am a dick as i come across cold and impolite but it is nothing personal i just wish to terminate contact with people i don't know as soon as is possible for my purposes. I dislike eye contact and touchy feely people especially. I cannot imagine ever telling people about how i am, i felt like i was insane when i told my girlfriend, but i didn't want her to think i was a bad person for all my worrying and clingyness. She is great for me and i feel i have progressed since meeting her, however whenever ina relationship i stress over past things and how i weigh up. But as a general rule, she has got me out of the house and made me feel listened to. I just hate the feeling of being a burden on my family. Generally when i speak to people i tend to find somehow no matter what my problem is, they either have their own "worse" problem or a very easy solution. The girlfriend is an exception to this, just to be very clear.

I think now my head has cleared and my flustered moment has passed my thoughts of the family thinking i fake it could just be me assuming the worse. I know i do it but i can't help but let it into my mind. Someone is late home, must be cheating or a car accident. Dog is quiet, must be ill. Someone stops talking when i walk in a room, was talking about me. Hear someone laughing, must be laughing at me. Big things to small things. I can't let it slip until the situation is resolved.

Do i really think these things, or is this just an illness? What would medication do for me, stop the thought or stop the feeling with it?

[carpathia]

I just read a list of symptoms you put on someone elses thing and a lot has slotted into place i thought were just other quirks.

Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness
Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts
Repeated thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences
Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing
Problems sleeping
Shortness of breath
An inability to be still and calm
Nausea
Dizziness

Edited out the ones that don't apply. The ritualistic behaviour thing i thought was just me being silly, I can't help it but i have to rinse a glass 3 times before i finally fill it up the fourth time.
I obsess over mistakes partners make, with or before me. I can't leave it for more than 10 minutes. I thought it just really really hurt and i was taking things hard, every time.
I have had problems sleeping for years as i tend to just torture myself with thoughts unintentionally until i am exhausted. I tend to hyperventilate as opposed to struggle breathing, i start panting and can't get my words out.

When i was at juniour school, (ages 7-11 ish) i used to stand at the bottom of the hill worrying what would happen if i went up there, and when i did, most of the time nothing happened. I think this is the first thing i can link to some form of anxiety. I did not see a doctor until i was 22 and noticed outside of car rides and one new year gathering (3 close friends) i had not left the house in 2 years.

I do not want sympathy (not saying i am getting any, just making sure to be clear) i would just love to hear from people that can tell me how they dealt with each aspect without the use of medication.

[alankay]

Well it seems clear your suffering from anxiety. I never wanted any sympathy either, just help. It sounds like you have suffered for a while and are irritated and frustrated with he whole situation. You must be mentally exhausted if your sleep is and has been bad for some time. That can magnify all these feelings. When I had trouble sleeping I got extremely freaking irritable and even more anxious as our brain(and body) needs its REM sleep and just makes all of this worse. Well medication is not always required or needed. But in general the higher your anxiety level, the more they like to use meds to get you feeling better. Like a cast on a broken arm, it helps one heal and once better, the cast can be removed. Folks who are not as anxious or can tolerate more anxiety often just see a counselor and get help that way. The meds will reduce the ruminations(worries/repetitive thoughts) which is a large contributor to your anxiety. It also feeds the anxiety. Like a vicious cycle. The worse you feel, the more you worry and that makes you feel worse and worry more, etc. So by reducing the worry/repetitive behavior you feel better and be motivated to continue therapy. Very important for anxious folks to feel that improvement and think, "I like this, I want to really get better and be happier". You are in a vicious, anxious cycle and stuck. Likely very frustrated you can't figure it out on your own and perhaps beating yourself up over it as I did. You world is distorted since it's view is that of someone that's very, very anxious and very uncomfortable. I can't give you details on how a Dr. would want to proceed but you need to get that help to feel better. You need to break the cycle you're in. That's my advise and I have been through it. I've had anxiety since 1981 and am glad I reluctantly saw a psychiatrist and therapist to help me get started sorting all I was feeling out. I was/am sure glad I did even though it took time for me to become educated about anxiety, etc. In the mean time practice some progressive relaxation, deep breathing exercises, get some aerobic exercise and limit caffeine and alcohol. Message me any time. Alan.

[alankay]

Oh yeah since you are in Europe maybe a trial of Lyrica could be helpful. Unlike SSRI's which sometime can bump up anxiety when one starts it(before reducing anxiety), it doesn't have that reputation and has been approved for GAD in Europe. Just a thought.

[carpathia]

I am booking an appointment to see the doctor, will go with someone so i don't get all shy and do my usual "thank you for the sick note goodbye" routine and see what options are available. Thank you for your help.

[alankay]

Sure. Tell them everything as anxiety is more common than you might think, they know about it and have helped others with similar issues. Alan.

[carpathia]

Citalopram for 2 weeks, then see the doctor again. Seemed quite understanding for the 2 minutes before prescription and slap on the bum.

[alankay]

Just follow through on his recommendations and see how it goes. Alankay

[nowglad]

As someone who has experienced anxiety and knows others close to me who have suffered with anxiety, I empathize with carpathia. The ritualistic, repetitive behaviors are attempts to ease the anxiety. Too often other seem to people look into your situation with judgement or belittlement. All the while, you do have those around you who know what it is like to live with anxiety. Thank you for sharing your experience, which is one I know well.