I'm so glad to of found this forum. I am not alone!

[sjedwards84]

I'm so glad to of found this web forum. It puts a lot in perspective for me and I finally for once feel that i'm not the only one with problems like this

Here is my story (long I know)

I'm a 27 year old male, I'm over weight and was recently told I have high blood pressure and put on medication for this.

I have a mix between depression/anxiety that is mostly caused by being a hypochondriac. I always think I have some disease or illness. I'm not a hypochondriac that goes to the doctors all the time because I have anxiety about going and what they might tell me. I have recently went to see a doctor about this and they gave my Bupoprion to take which isn't working so i'm thinking about calling and having them change my prescription. I do a lot of Google searching and use the WEBMD symptom checker almost on a daily basis. With my hypochondria; in the past I've thought I've had brain cancer, hernias, colon cancer, numerous heart attacks, kidney failure, and the list goes on. At the smallest symptom I will go to WEBMD and check the symptoms I have at the time and it always makes me think the worst. When this happens I constantly get really hot flushed, cold and sweaty hands, and feel the symptoms 10 times worse

Today's anxiety is i'm having a heart attack. Even since I've been told I have high blood pressure a month and half ago a heart attack has been a constant worry of mine. Today I happened to Google "Red flushed face and blurry vision" and it said it was a sign of a heart attack. Which now has automatically triggered chest pain, back aches pins and needles all over my body.

I constantly feel emotional pain that i'm dying and it gets me thinking about dying and leaving my 2 yr old son without a dad. I've tried losing weight and the anxiety and depression has caused me to eat more and more. Its a vicious cycle

I worry about getting fired from work, my fiance leaving me, my parents leaving me and moving to another state (and i'm 27) I worry about my truck breaking down, I worry about everything.

In recent years since I've been suffering form this i find myself tearing up at the weirdest things; My son doing something cute, a TV show where something happy happens to someone, getting in small arguments with my future wife.

Not only do i consider myself a major hypochondriac, but now that I have a son i have hypochondria about him too. If he has a fever or if he's pale, or if he wont eat I automatically Google those symptoms and find stuff like leukemia, kidney failure, and other types of diseases.

I've never thought of suicide because the thought of me dying eats me alive inside. I will be happy one minute and forget about any illnesses and then all of sudden it comes back to bite me. Before I know it, I'm getting weird stomach pains and automatically Google other small symptoms and will self diagnose me with stomach cancer.

I don't know what to do at this point. I've been on effexor XR when I was 19 for a year and I remember it helping a little bit and then I came off of it. Now i'm back taking this buproprion that Is not working. I just hope the doctor can prescribe me something that does tomorrow when I call them.

My anxiety/depression all started at around age 19 when I moved from Texas after living there most of my life, I moved because I was attacked by about 9 people. They jumped on my car, beat me up pretty bad and pulled me out of my car all at a railroad in Texas. Well my dad got another job in Kansas so I left all my friends and my life back in Texas to move here in Kansas with my parents. After my attack I lived in Texas for about another 4 months, in which I stopped driving my car, hanging out with the same people, losing friends in all in fear that these people that attacked me would do it again if they seen me.

After all these years this attack doesn't bother me anymore, and to be honest it stopped worrying me when I moved to Kansas. My mother tells me that even thought I never think of this attack anymore, this could be the underlying reason on how my anxiety/depression started. I dont know how much of that is true because I really never ever recollect on this event in my life anymore.

But after reading some people's posts on here i'm literally in grins and giggles because it is exactly the same symptoms i've had and I feel not alone anymore with this illness

Upper & lower back pain
Pins and needles in my chest, arms, legs, neck, back
Flushed face and ears with a hot feeling
Real bad acid re-flux, constant belching, stomach cramps, IBS symptoms, and GERD symptoms.
High Blood Pressure
Headaches
Random aches and Pains
Heavy Breathing
Blurred Vision
Sudden fear of doom or something bad happening
Constant worrying about the smallest things
Crying for stupid reasons or tearing up
Fatigue and feeling tired and worn down all the time

I dont really have lack of sleep, and could literally fall asleep within 5 minutes any time I want. I also have sleep apnea but have not been able to wear a cpap because it makes me panic having something attached to my face. I've never really thought of these symptoms all being from anxiety because when the symptoms happen its usually at random times throughout the day and I dont feel worried or worked about anything when the pain or symptom happens until it happens and then I become worried about having a disease or life threatening illness

[alankay]

Sjedwards84, I think your Mom has a point. Traumatic stuff like that can mess with you. Hard to say whether it plays a role. 19 is a common age where anxiety rears it's ugly head(so that makes it harder to tell). A move is also stressful(can be I should say). Did you loose any weight of effexor? It's known for that. Wellbutrin is used for anxiety less often than ssri's. As far as your weight goes I'd say avoid paxil for sure. If they think about an ssri Lexapro(doesn't make me hungry, neither did celexa) so celexa might be a better option than Lexapro if you don't have insurance(celexa is available in generic). Even prozac and zoloft are fairly neutral when it comes to causing weight gain(although zoloft made me hungry). What I'm saying is an ssri might be your next best bet, preferably ones with least chance of weight gain for you. I used to suffer health anxiety too. I thought I had heart issues(if you lose weight your BP will likely drop like a stone), leukemia, oral cancer, etc. The main features of your anxiety is less important than realizing it's alllll anxiety(it's manifesting itself by health worries for you). Reduce your anxiety via counseling and meds as well as self help and you'll see your anxiety regarding your health decrease. Mine did. You're 27 so honestly, the odds of you having a serious illness is pretty remote. If it were me, I would pursue some counseling to determine if that attack is the main(primary) cause of your anxiety. Most traumas are worse on young kids but anyone can be effected(like soldiers can be from combat, etc). Your sense of personal safety was taken from you and can have ramifications but a counselor is best at looking at that part. If effexor went OK for you perhaps going back on will help. They may also suggest an ssri(effexor is an snri) like celexa, zoloft or prozac. Although I did well on prozac(no weight gain and it helped my anxiety). I think celexa might be good to ask about if the docs think an ssri would be best to try next. I saw your list and I think it's pretty much alllll anxiety at the core. I hope you'll work with the docs. on a good med for you and perhaps find a counselor to talk to. In the mean time practice progressive relaxation, deep breathing exercises, limit caffeine and alcohol and get some aerobic exercise if the doc says that's OK for you. I wish I could sleep like you.:) Welcome to the forum and message me any time!

[sjedwards84]

Thank you very much.

I plan on calling the doctors tomorrow to request something different. I didn't really lose any weight on effexor but I didnt gain any either. I will mention Celexa or Prozac. Anxiety runs in my family as well as OCD (which i have bad cases of as well. My mother thinks as well as I that I have minor autism, but it has never been diagnosed) My Mom takes Prozac and loves it. She tries to come off it every now and then because of the whole (I dont want to live my life on meds) phase, but she usually ends up back on it.

[alankay]

Mention your Moms positive experience with prozac to the dr. It suggests you may do well on it too! Prozac can help with OCD(anxiety is obsessing in a way in of itself). They use Lovox allot for OCD but since your Mom likes it, it might be a great choice for a trail of an ssri. It's very inexpensive in generic(fluoxetine is it's name). Message me any time!

[Alexus]

Welcome Sjedwards84,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but here is the good news you are starting to realise that it is anxiety and that is the first step to making a positive change in your life. Having intense general anxiety that results in hypochondriac like behaviour is very common indeed. I myself often fall pray to googling strange sensations that are bothering me when I am having an onset of anxiety. But here is a tip when you do search any symptom you have as related to anxiety first. You will be surprised to find out in how many ways it can affect your body and mind. It is not a bad idea having your doctor monitor your general health ofcourse and in fact can be helpfull in dismissing those persistent thoughts. That way you have the solace of knowing that you have had a check up and serious health conditions don't exactly develop overnight especially in young people.

As for the medication you will find one that works. Ssri's may be the answer and give you a head start in starting to deal with the problem. Work with your doctor to find which one is best for you and keep in mind that you need to give them a fair trial of a bout two weeks atleast for the effects to start kicking in and for your body to become accustomed to the more mild side effects. I used an extremly gradual introduction when I started on Zoloft a while ago and it worked extremly well in assuring I had few to no side effects of getting into it. Another thing you may wish to look into like Alan said is counceling and a healthy exersise and diet routine. That will be even more helpfull in adressing the issue in a more long term capacity.

[sjedwards84]

Thank you everyone for you're replies. It really helps me knowing that there are other people that have the same illness as I do. I try to reassure myself that I'm fine every time I get the smallest ache or pain, upset stomach, or because flushed in my face thinking my blood pressure has sky rocketed and i'm about to have a stroke or heart attack, but its not easy. I tell myself i'm being stupid and to not look it up. I usually end up falling into the trap of pulling up the good ol' site of google or webmd. It usually starts off with me finding something bad related to the symptom which puts me into a panic attack, then I will search Google like no other trying to find a "good" site with someone explaining that its just anxiety; then I will be okay. Some of the times I don't find anything related to anxiety with a certain symptom which puts me into an even bigger panic attack for days after days. It affects my work, it affects my home family time. You can usually bet that if throughout the day I've done some google searching at work that I get home and I'm very quiet and short with my fiance. She is trying to talk to me and Ill just give quick answers which triggers her to ask me if something is wrong, she knows I have anxiety but she doesn't know how in depth the problem that I have are. I almost feel embarrassed and am very quick to minimize a medical site or something i'm looking at for symptoms if she or anyone comes over to the computer where i'm at. That usually triggers her to ask me what i'm doing and what am i trying to hide. In reality I'm just very embarrassed about this. My co-worker one time caught me and said why are you using a symptom checker what is wrong? I got very red faced and started to feel hot because I was embarrassed and tried to cover it up that I was looking for someone else.

Now its even gotten as bad as that i'm a hypochondriac for my two year old also. So now I have two people that I worry about being sick (myself and my son)

[Alexus]

You would be surprised just how many people are in almost the exact same boat as you. It helps to understand that GAD is not a desease or illness, you are not sick, there are no physical defects that result in this behavior. We all have defenses that activate when we feel under threat GAD is what happens when our minds percieve a threat that isn't there. When your pulse elevates you notice it and all of a sudden you feel like you are going to have a heart attack or stroke and naturally this panic sets your heart off even more. Its a negative feedback loop, the more you think about it the worse it gets and the more you try to stop thinking about it the more you can't. When you feel an attack comming on it really helps if you pay attention to how your thaughts affect it, if you were really having a heart attack or the like there is no way you thinking about it would make it worse, it is a natural response and therefore out of your direct control. Seeing that you can make the sensation worse actually helps to understand that it is just anxiety not a critical medical condition. The problem is, when its happening its almost impossible to think this way, it takes patience and practice and possibly medication to take the edge off enough so you can work through it. What I think would be a very important step for you would be to share more of what you are going through with your fiance. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not a sign of weakness to have GAD, in fact, GAD means it takes you more courage to get up and get out the door each day than it takes a lot of fire fighters to run into a burning building. Once we can get a handle on our anxiety, all of us here will be the better off for it, more courage, more determination and overall better health than your average non sufferer. With all the checkups we submit ourselves to in order to put our minds at ease we find ourselves correcting bad habbits, eating better, excercising more and even the pannic attacks themselves excercise our essential organs. Its hard, its miserable and its embarasing at times but it is not fatal, it is not a psychosis and at the end of the day, what does not kill us makes us stronger. This is particularly true in the case of GAD.

I am also particualrly paranoid about my daughters health, in fact it was one of the main causes of my GAD when she got sick at 4 months old. This will get easier but not by much seeing as you obviously love your child as you should to even be feeling this way, our children are our lives and any threat to them is a threat to us. When you can ease or master your own anxiety you will be able to be more rational about your childs health too. I have been off Zoloft now for 4 months and only this week had to go on Xanax because my nerves are back, two visits with a doctor, a GP and my psychiatrist. The reason for my anxiety flairing again was discovering that I have Cervical Spondylosis at age 28 (arthritis of the neck). I was perscribed a steroid shot and diclofenac and came to find out from my psychiatrist that the steroid I was given has a direct effect on my nerves. Hopefully my short course of xanax will sort me out again. Untill then I just have to work through the paranoia and waves of gloom and doom. Feeling a little better today now that I am on my meds but I am taking a tiny dose so it will likely take me a while to get things sorted again.

You are not alone, there are thousands of us out there if not millions and we all feel the same embarassment and fear of judgement at first but untill you can share it with someone, you are on a lonely road going nowhere. Try to get comfortable sharing with your loved ones, this will really help, not only with the GAD but to bring you closer. GAD has braught my husband and I closer than we have ever been, I didn't realise how much of my GAD he shares with me and how he too felt too afraid to share. Now we work through it together, no more secrets or embarassment, we are united.

[sjedwards84]

WOW you guys are very educated on GAD. Once again i'm really glad I found this forum. I feel like I can ask any of you questions and will get an honest response. I am a member of another forum which is generally just offtopic type stuff and I posted about this on there and got flamed and made fun of about it, which doesn't bother me, they are just words and words will never hurt me especially from people who are a member of a web forum and have no meaning to me in real life. But I'm definitely glad I found this place with lots of people who have this disorder just like me. I called the doctor this morning and he is going to try me on the generic version of prozac. So we will see how that goes and I will post an update

[balletdancer]

Hi-I am new to the forum and know exactly how you feel. My anxiety about health issues has taken over my life. I worry about my kids boys 19 and 14 and my mom who was recently diagnosed with the need for a hip replacement, my husband who I am sure womdething bad will happen to, my dog who was not acting well today...list goes on and on. I have been on zoloft and hate the weight gain, take Xanax as I need to. I am always sure with evey sympton that something terrible will be wrong. I obsess about it like you and and look everything up online and sure it will be the worst. Everytime my 19 year old drives away I am sure something horrible will happen. It has taken over my life. I have tried counseling and really did not seem to help, she kept saying it was normal to worry. Worry like I do is not normal, it takes over my life. My hasband and boys do not understand and are very mean about it. They make fun of me when I go into an attack and tell me to get over it. I wish they could understand I hate living like this. I am sorry for your anxiety and I totally understand how horrible it is.

[cocoa85]

Hi guys! Im a newbie too! Its nice to see how supportive everyone is here, I too, live with anxiety and have for many years. I can understand the pain and frustration of anxiety and am sad others struggle with it like I do, but glad we understand one another. I think one common misconception many people have about anxiety is that its just worrying that can be controlled, like you mentioned, balletdancer:

"I have tried counseling and really did not seem to help, she kept saying it was normal to worry. Worry like I do is not normal, it takes over my life."

... I know many times I've felt guilt ridden and sad that I was unable to stop obsessive thoughts of my own recognizance. Or felt like others just didn't understand how prisoner I was to my own mind. I'm sorry you had that experience with the counselor :( I can't count how many times I've been told the same thing. On the other hand, I'm glad not too many people can understand those feelings because it would mean they feel the same scary anxiety.