Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I am one

[alekumo]

I have always had anxiety problems. My really got bad right after we found out my mother's cancer was very advanced. We lost her in May. This is our first Christmas time without her. I have having a very difficult time dealing with it. I keep thinking I have MS, a brain tumor, or some other disease. I keep checking my pupils to see if they are dilating evenly, last night I swear they didn't once, but it could have been a reflection off the mirror or from my eyes. I had a panic attack about it. I pulled a muscle in my leg, thinking I have never pulled that before and had a panic attack over it. I have been to the doctor and just had a complete physical. The doctor put me on Buspar to see if that would help with my symptoms. The only thing it seems to be doing is causing extreme headaches and neckaches and more anxiety. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be myself, but it is so hard. Can anyone please help or tell me how to deal with this change at the holidays and to keep thinking I am sick.
Thank you in advance,
April

[alankay]

April, I lost my Dad in June so can relate. It's hard indeed. Any additional stress can raise your anxiety level. Buspar can have a few side effects like dizziness, headache, etc, but should pass. Give that some time. I used to worry about the same type health issues. If that doesn't help enough work with your dr. and try something else. Are you seeing a counselor? If you've had anxiety for some time it might be best to sit down with someone and kinda "get it all out in the open"(between you and the counselor).:) I've had anxiety for 30 years and learned that practicing progressive relaxation, deep breathing exercises, getting aerobic exercise and keeping busy help. You are NOT likely sick at all and most likely just very anxious. Maybe there's a reason for it and that's where a counselor can help. You can start by asking your family doc for a few names or look up nearby Psychologists or a Licensed Clinical Social Workers. This may surprise you but anxiety is very common and treatable issue. It's as old as humanity itself and there's help for us anxious folks. But we must seek it out. Message me any time.

[alekumo]

Alan, I do have an counselor, but I can only see her three times a year thanks to my insurance. My doctor is sure I have anxiety. All this literally came on when my mother started coughing. I started thinking what if the cancer moved to her lungs. It had. I do workout, but I will keep the relaxation and deep breathing exercises in mind.
April