loveandfireworks
11-23-2011, 03:35 PM
Hi everyone... I am a 24 year old female who suffers from anxiety, hypochondria/health anxiety, and slight depression. I mainly suffer from anxiety but I think the anxiety has caused the onset of slight depression because I get so frustrated from the anxiety and want my life back. This is my story....sorry for the long post.
I can remember suffering from slight anxiety from the time I was a child and in middle school and high school. However, I did not pay much attention to it back then and was able to ignore it and get on with my life.
Unfortunately, that is no longer the case. Over the past year, my anxiety has been worsening and is now to the point that it is beginning to take over my life. It all began when I started feeling physical symptoms about a year ago (lightheaded, shaky, feeling like I was going to pass out). On several occasions, I went to the ER when having these feelings, only to be told I was fine and the feelings eventually passed. After these ER trips, I began going to the doctors for every little symptom and any time I feel "off" I psych myself out and worry myself that I am dying.
A few months ago, I began having full-on panic attacks, where my heart starts beating really hard and fast and I feel like I am being smothered and cannot breathe. I have had every test imaginable done (bloodwork, MRI, EKG, Echo-cardiogram, and holter monitor) , with all the results coming back normal. My doctor concluded that my physical symptoms are result of anxiety, which is what the hospital told me before. I am trying to accept that diagnosis but still have a hard time believing that anxiety can cause so many physical symptoms and worry that the doctors are missing something. My doctor did prescribe Paxil 20 mg, which I have been on for a little over a month, which seems to help sometimes and sometimes not. I did not really want to resort to medication of any sorts but I am desperate to get my life back on track and be able to control my anxiety. I also go to counseling once a week; at this time I have only had about 3 or 4 sessions. My counselor is trying to work out a treatment plan for me to help me identify my anxiety triggers and how to manage my anxiety.
Currently, the only relief from my anxiety is when I am teaching. I recently graduated college and am substitute teaching while I continue to search for a full time teaching position where I can have my own classroom. When I am in a classroom, I am able to clear my mind and focus on what I need to, instead of letting my mind wander or focus on any physical symptoms I may be having, which is what I tend to do when I am sitting around, whether that be at home, or sometimes even when I am out with friends. I also have begun to take relaxing baths every night, which also usually help me calm down and allow me to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night.
Like I said, sometimes the anxious feelings take over my life because they leave me feeling very drained with very little energy and I begin to analyze every symptom I have, which leads to more anxiety. Also, since I have no energy, things begin to pile up and then I feel overwhelmed which also leads to more anxiety (for example, the housework). I hate feeling like this so much that I often begin to cry because I feel so helpless and I want my old life back!!! I also worry that when things begin to go good in my life, "the other shoe will drop" as the saying goes and that something bad will happen, whether that be to me or just something around me. I have so much more I want to accomplish in life and I hate living in fear all the time and not being able to enjoy life, I know I have a lot to live for!
I can remember suffering from slight anxiety from the time I was a child and in middle school and high school. However, I did not pay much attention to it back then and was able to ignore it and get on with my life.
Unfortunately, that is no longer the case. Over the past year, my anxiety has been worsening and is now to the point that it is beginning to take over my life. It all began when I started feeling physical symptoms about a year ago (lightheaded, shaky, feeling like I was going to pass out). On several occasions, I went to the ER when having these feelings, only to be told I was fine and the feelings eventually passed. After these ER trips, I began going to the doctors for every little symptom and any time I feel "off" I psych myself out and worry myself that I am dying.
A few months ago, I began having full-on panic attacks, where my heart starts beating really hard and fast and I feel like I am being smothered and cannot breathe. I have had every test imaginable done (bloodwork, MRI, EKG, Echo-cardiogram, and holter monitor) , with all the results coming back normal. My doctor concluded that my physical symptoms are result of anxiety, which is what the hospital told me before. I am trying to accept that diagnosis but still have a hard time believing that anxiety can cause so many physical symptoms and worry that the doctors are missing something. My doctor did prescribe Paxil 20 mg, which I have been on for a little over a month, which seems to help sometimes and sometimes not. I did not really want to resort to medication of any sorts but I am desperate to get my life back on track and be able to control my anxiety. I also go to counseling once a week; at this time I have only had about 3 or 4 sessions. My counselor is trying to work out a treatment plan for me to help me identify my anxiety triggers and how to manage my anxiety.
Currently, the only relief from my anxiety is when I am teaching. I recently graduated college and am substitute teaching while I continue to search for a full time teaching position where I can have my own classroom. When I am in a classroom, I am able to clear my mind and focus on what I need to, instead of letting my mind wander or focus on any physical symptoms I may be having, which is what I tend to do when I am sitting around, whether that be at home, or sometimes even when I am out with friends. I also have begun to take relaxing baths every night, which also usually help me calm down and allow me to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night.
Like I said, sometimes the anxious feelings take over my life because they leave me feeling very drained with very little energy and I begin to analyze every symptom I have, which leads to more anxiety. Also, since I have no energy, things begin to pile up and then I feel overwhelmed which also leads to more anxiety (for example, the housework). I hate feeling like this so much that I often begin to cry because I feel so helpless and I want my old life back!!! I also worry that when things begin to go good in my life, "the other shoe will drop" as the saying goes and that something bad will happen, whether that be to me or just something around me. I have so much more I want to accomplish in life and I hate living in fear all the time and not being able to enjoy life, I know I have a lot to live for!