It's Getting Unbearable.

[Art_Nerd]

For the past three years, I've been fighting against my anxiety, and unable to stop it. I get so bad sometimes because I worry that it's something worse since I can't stop it. I've gotten so deep into it that I feel so hopeless.

I think that it may be because of death. I had to deal with my friends death a few years back, then my cats dead shortly after hers, and today my dog died which makes me scared that I could just get even worse.

I worry all the time about death now. Scared of dying from a random accident or blood clot or something. My anxiety has gotten worse, I guess. Because now I get heart palpitations a lot, and sometimes my heart will race for an hour or two. It gets me worried so I start panicking and probably make it worse. Nothing feels real anymore, I can't find any enjoyment in anything and college is a struggle to get through. I've skipped classes so much this semester I'm surprised they haven't kicked me out of them yet.

My heart and my breathing sometimes make me worry that something could be seriously wrong with my heart or lungs and no one cares enough to actually check. I've been to the ER twice, they had me sit in a bed the machine monitoring my heart and breathing, then did blood tests which came back normal both times. They said they would give me a heart monitor but never did. and since my mom is the one in charge of money and it's my dad's insurance, so I can't just go doing whatever I want or else I would go to my doctor and ask for some tests to ease my worries at least if there really were nothing wrong.

I told my mom many times I wanted to see my doctor, also told her I want to see a counselor or something. But she doesn't believe a counselor will help, and just wants me to get medication from my doctor. but I worry about if the medication doesn't help, or gives me bad side-effects. She also hasn't told me when it's okay for me to call my doctor. and I worry that the longer I wait I will just be too late if it's something more serious and I will die.

I'm so worried, depressed. Sick of feeling all these things and just want to live a normal life again. I feel so lost and helpless and no one seems to really understand the serious-ness of this. I sometimes feel I want to just end it all so I don't have to suffer anymore. I care too much about my family and having a future where I can just be happy and normal to do it, but that reason to live just feels weaker and weaker, especially when I think I'm going to die soon anyway.

I don't know what to do anymore.

[jessed03]

It sounds like you may need medication. Just as a short term fix. When life is unbearable, you don't always have the option to rationally implement strategies to help yourself when you're in the middle of a tornado. In England, there's extensive evidence that the best rate of recovery from mental health issues is a combination of medication for short term relief, and therapy for long term changes. I think your mum may be right. Take a trip to the doctor, and see. Anti-depressants get a bad wrap, but in truth, they aren't as bad as the rumour suggests. I'm MEGA sensitive, I tried 8 AD's, and got every side effect on the list... and more! and believe me, none came close to the crippling, severe anxiety I was feeling.

For me, I was in a situation of severe anxiety. So bad that I wanted out. I don't think there's a strategy or therapy that could have helped me then. My body was out of whack, point blank period. I needed something to settle me down. I Took a dose of AD's, and after a couple of months, the anxiety was toned down to a medium. THEN, I learnt to meditate, completed a CBT course, evaluated my life goals, sorted out my diet, begun yoga... the classics... and I found that then I could really push on in my life. Sometimes, the most urgent thing people need aren't always cures, but just simple relief.

You know your mind though, and yourself. A counsellor will be helpful, a therapist even better. You will make progress that way, but it will be slower, however it will usually be long term too. Take comfort in the fact that your tests came back clear. Also read the symptom list on this forum, and really make yourself aware of the weird and unusual symptoms anxiety displays, and how they can easily be mis-construed as serious ailments.

All the best buddy, people on this forum understand you. Everyone that reads this will relate to it, and sympathize with it.

[Art_Nerd]

I went to my doctor yesterday and she wanted chest x-rays, blood tests and a holter monitor all done on me. I got the x-rays and blood work done on the same day I saw her, and I got the results today. She had said if everything came back normal we would talk about therapy and medications for anxiety.

The chest x-ray was normal, and one of the blood tests, the thyroid one was normal. But the one for blood clots was higher than normal or whatever. So now I'm worrying about blood clots. :/

[stevie]

The most important thing now is that you realize that you need help- so make sure you get it! you're in college, right? Correct me if I'm wrong, but most college offer counseling to their students. I agree with Jessed03 that therapy is probably better for you, but if you can't get that, than please go see a counselor. Trust me- you have so so so much to live for. I've also pretty new to the anxiety thing- I was always cautious, but a pretty happy-go-lucky person, and then one day... We can all sympathize with you, and know how serious and crippling this can be, and how hard it is for people to understand. I recently read that high anxiety affects 18% of Americans- you're not alone :) You will get better. It just takes time and effort (lots of it.. trust me, I'm still working on it). Best of luck!

[alankay]

Art, those blood tests are subject to interpretation and there's some wiggle room in them. I don't doubt you are having some serious anxiety going on. Sure a counselor/therapist would help but for now what's needed is a break in the vicious cycle of worry/anxiety/more worry, more anxiety. You seem to be suffering from severe discomfort/distress and I hope your GP sees this and can can stop it. I hope she starts some meds and sets you up with a counselor. Your anxiety about possible death is common with folks suffering high anxiety as is health in general(because of the physical symptoms going on inside your body). You need to find out what's at the root of all this and that's where a counselor comes in. If you're a college age guy the odds of you dropping dead or having a serious illness is very remote. I hope you get some meds for the short term, keep in school and get talking to a counselor to try and reduce or eliminate the anxiety you feeling. Message me any time.

[Art_Nerd]

Thank you so much for the support and reassurance. I am in college and I'll have to search for the counselor.. Maybe tomorrow if I can't make it through my whole six hour class. I just got home from getting more blood taken to be tested a second time. I guess they want to double check.
I don't get to see my doctor again until December 30th because of the holter monitor not being until the 20th. Feels like it's going to be a long month.

[loveandfireworks]

You are definitely not alone. I also suffer from health anxiety. So far all my tests have come back normal which gives me comfort, however, it is not that easy to get back to feeling normal. I definitely recommend a therapist over a counselor....I myself am in the process of switching because the counseling did not yield the results I had hoped. also I am still working on staying off od Google and also comparing others' experiences to my own.

[PanicCured]

I was convinced the doctors just weren't doing their jobs right. There had to be something wrong with me. Finally I said, "Ah, I got it. Must be an adrenal tumor." So I took a completely unnecessary CT Scan of my Kidneys and Adrenal Glands only to be told it's normal. What a waste of time, money and radiation I did not need!

This can literally go on forever. I am all for getting check ups, but you know...

[dthul1]

I can relate to you on a similar level. I recently saw my doctor and he prescribed me paxil. Nothing is wrong medically with me but it always feels like something is!! I know how frustrating it can be to constantly worry about your health even though nothing is physically wrong. Your not alone!