Art_Nerd
11-17-2011, 07:14 PM
For the past three years, I've been fighting against my anxiety, and unable to stop it. I get so bad sometimes because I worry that it's something worse since I can't stop it. I've gotten so deep into it that I feel so hopeless.
I think that it may be because of death. I had to deal with my friends death a few years back, then my cats dead shortly after hers, and today my dog died which makes me scared that I could just get even worse.
I worry all the time about death now. Scared of dying from a random accident or blood clot or something. My anxiety has gotten worse, I guess. Because now I get heart palpitations a lot, and sometimes my heart will race for an hour or two. It gets me worried so I start panicking and probably make it worse. Nothing feels real anymore, I can't find any enjoyment in anything and college is a struggle to get through. I've skipped classes so much this semester I'm surprised they haven't kicked me out of them yet.
My heart and my breathing sometimes make me worry that something could be seriously wrong with my heart or lungs and no one cares enough to actually check. I've been to the ER twice, they had me sit in a bed the machine monitoring my heart and breathing, then did blood tests which came back normal both times. They said they would give me a heart monitor but never did. and since my mom is the one in charge of money and it's my dad's insurance, so I can't just go doing whatever I want or else I would go to my doctor and ask for some tests to ease my worries at least if there really were nothing wrong.
I told my mom many times I wanted to see my doctor, also told her I want to see a counselor or something. But she doesn't believe a counselor will help, and just wants me to get medication from my doctor. but I worry about if the medication doesn't help, or gives me bad side-effects. She also hasn't told me when it's okay for me to call my doctor. and I worry that the longer I wait I will just be too late if it's something more serious and I will die.
I'm so worried, depressed. Sick of feeling all these things and just want to live a normal life again. I feel so lost and helpless and no one seems to really understand the serious-ness of this. I sometimes feel I want to just end it all so I don't have to suffer anymore. I care too much about my family and having a future where I can just be happy and normal to do it, but that reason to live just feels weaker and weaker, especially when I think I'm going to die soon anyway.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I think that it may be because of death. I had to deal with my friends death a few years back, then my cats dead shortly after hers, and today my dog died which makes me scared that I could just get even worse.
I worry all the time about death now. Scared of dying from a random accident or blood clot or something. My anxiety has gotten worse, I guess. Because now I get heart palpitations a lot, and sometimes my heart will race for an hour or two. It gets me worried so I start panicking and probably make it worse. Nothing feels real anymore, I can't find any enjoyment in anything and college is a struggle to get through. I've skipped classes so much this semester I'm surprised they haven't kicked me out of them yet.
My heart and my breathing sometimes make me worry that something could be seriously wrong with my heart or lungs and no one cares enough to actually check. I've been to the ER twice, they had me sit in a bed the machine monitoring my heart and breathing, then did blood tests which came back normal both times. They said they would give me a heart monitor but never did. and since my mom is the one in charge of money and it's my dad's insurance, so I can't just go doing whatever I want or else I would go to my doctor and ask for some tests to ease my worries at least if there really were nothing wrong.
I told my mom many times I wanted to see my doctor, also told her I want to see a counselor or something. But she doesn't believe a counselor will help, and just wants me to get medication from my doctor. but I worry about if the medication doesn't help, or gives me bad side-effects. She also hasn't told me when it's okay for me to call my doctor. and I worry that the longer I wait I will just be too late if it's something more serious and I will die.
I'm so worried, depressed. Sick of feeling all these things and just want to live a normal life again. I feel so lost and helpless and no one seems to really understand the serious-ness of this. I sometimes feel I want to just end it all so I don't have to suffer anymore. I care too much about my family and having a future where I can just be happy and normal to do it, but that reason to live just feels weaker and weaker, especially when I think I'm going to die soon anyway.
I don't know what to do anymore.