I need help

[ricjonni]

Hello everyone, I'm a 19 year old guy, and I have been having anxiety/depression for a various of reasons, I do think I know atleast some of the reasons, but I honestly am confused and anxious writing this :(.

Since I started school when I was 6 I was a very silent kid and I didn't make many friends and my self esteem was low, my father was a drunk but I lived with my mother and I didn't see him to often, I had a really hard time in school with my study's and I didn't do well, I lacked concentration and my mind easily wandered off, I was put in a lower class and that itself severely hurt my self esteem and some kids made fun of me, I switched schools later on and I had to go to a psychiatrist to evaluate if I could be moved to my right class (right year, since I was lowered down) and I did well there and was moved to my right class, I always had a really hard time talking to girls, I usually waited for them to talk to me, and I did have a bad moment where I tried talking to to a girl in class on the bus and there was total silence and awkwardness, I felt really down after that.

This part is the hardest for me, my sisters daughter who is 8-9 years younger than me came often and took visits and she was always fondling around me, jumping on me and these things made me feel turned on, and it's seriously hurting me inside, is there anything wrong with me? I do like girls my age and I doubt this is anyhting to serious and it seems trivial, I could never ever live with myself if I was some kind of pedophile, she did this when I was 16-17, but she has come after that and the same has happened again, bear in mind nothing has ever happened it's just that i got aroused.

I'm so anxious about this, I have gotten out and got drunk with friends a few times and these anxiety attacks seem to come seriously hard on me afterwards, and just to note these anxiety attacks don't really stay, I manage to ignore them or somehow tell myself that it's nothing serious but they seem to come back.

I wish I could be sure about myself and not doubt myself because how can I get a girl and stay with one with these kinds of thoughts raising through my head, I'm sweating when I'm typing this :(.

[Demarco]

Hi ric. I'm sorry that nobody has had the chance to reply to your topic yet. Hopefully you'll get some kind of notification that I replied.

First I'd like to address the situation with your niece. It's a non-issue, not a big deal at all. By the looks of things, you're just a lonely guy who had slight feelings when exposed to a girl. You seem disgusted by the thought of acting out on those slight feelings, so you're fine. There's really nothing to worry about.

So back to your actual issues you're having some issues with self-confidence. It's great that you acknowledge that you've had issues about being insecure and having social issues. For what it's worth, you're 19 years old and I'm pretty sure you live in a place like the US/Canada/UK, just by the way you write. You have your entire life to turn things around. The weather can change so quickly. I'm about your age (I'm 21). I have a buddy who just broke up with his girlfriend, and he was miserable because he didn't really have many friends (he neglected a social life in order to spend time with her). He applied to graduate school, moved, and in a flash he developed a whole new social circle and way of life. He loves it. So, again, things can change quickly, and you entirely have potential to experience that change. You addressed your issues-- self-confidence and insecurity. Google some ways to improve on those two fields. That'll be your start. You should also really try to develop a positive attitude. It helps so much. Always be a reassuring voice for yourself.

You can PM me if you ever need to talk about things. Or just continue writing in this thread; I'll do my best to keep up with it.

[alankay]

Ric, I agree you're just anxious about it all. That kind(Niece situation) of stuff can happen. You're no pedophile man you wouldn't be worried and scared about it. Weirdos are never worried or scared about what they do....................until they get caught. Then they pull the old "I'm soorryyy help ME I must be sick", wwaahhhh! But they were fine before getting caught.
You're just anxious.
Yes, if I have a few beers I will feel a touch on the anxious side in the AM. Take it easy on the alcohol for now and see a counselor or dr. on this. Maybe be you have some social anxiety like I did. Talking to a counselor can help. Your doc might give you an ssri to Help with that until you prove to yourself you can relate to girls. I had the same deal. Tongue tied and shaking. But the hardest part is getting started. Have any buddies with a gal who you can double date with one of her friends? That helped me. Message me if you like.

[Persephone]

just want to tell you that beating yourself up won't do any good. your just lonely, and listen to alankay. I've only been here a few days and already know that that dude knows his stuff haha. As a girl myself I'll let you into a few secrets about our kind that we will always deny. Maybe it'll help you in the future. 1. Shy guys are adoreable and really attractive to about 90% of all girl kind. In girl language adoreable equals kissable and very eligible for relationships. 2. Guys who are secure enough to talk about emotion and not constantly be all macho is a dream come true. suprised? 3. Most girls detest making the first move. All you need is one thing to talk about and your in. introductions from friends would be the easiest way to meet a girl, but most girls feel really flattered if a guy just comes and talks to them, even more so if he seems nervous. guys who use cheesy pick up lines and are too confident are enormous turn offs. hope this helped a bit!!!!
Mary x