Walnuts
11-16-2011, 11:57 AM
Hello all, I'm new here, this is my story. If you have any tips or information that you think might help me please share them with me.
I'm a 20 year old who dropped out of school 2 years ago. Since then, the majority of my time is spent alone at home. During these 2 years I have developed what I think is anxiety.
Here's a list of symptoms I have:
- Constant racing thoughts
- Paranoid thoughts ("what if…")
- Lack of motivation and concentration
- I over-think things and often think of the worst possible scenario
- Disturbing thoughts
- Not knowing exactly who I am or what I stand for
It's made life a living hell, to be honest. The not knowing who I am and constant worrying/paranoid thoughts are the worst part of it. I constantly question the things I do. I have a basic idea of who I am but with most things I start asking myself "Is this what 'you' would do?" (If that doesn't make sense, I don't blame you). I also have "linking thoughts". I'm not sure if that's an actual term, but with everything I see or hear, my mind seems to go in overdrive and link it up with everything possibly linked to what I've just seen or heard.
I very rarely don't have most or all symptoms. Once in a while, when I'm out with friends or doing something I can really focus on (hardly anything), the symptoms go away for a moment. Sadly, I usually 'catch' myself not having the symptoms and they'll all come flooding back, almost like its a bad habit and I have to have them.
I realize that being home alone in my state is not helping the situation. I'm currently studying at home by myself to get a degree so I can go on to study at a university, but what with all this going on in my mind and the fact I've never really been a disciplined person, or motivated, or able to concentrate for long periods of time and on top of that a lazy person, it's not easy getting that degree.
The thing is though, I don't want to be on any medication. I want to conquer this by myself. Maybe it's partly down to the fact that I'm paranoid the meds will have bad side-effects, or will change me for the worse or I'll become dependent.. either way, I don't want them.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.
I'm a 20 year old who dropped out of school 2 years ago. Since then, the majority of my time is spent alone at home. During these 2 years I have developed what I think is anxiety.
Here's a list of symptoms I have:
- Constant racing thoughts
- Paranoid thoughts ("what if…")
- Lack of motivation and concentration
- I over-think things and often think of the worst possible scenario
- Disturbing thoughts
- Not knowing exactly who I am or what I stand for
It's made life a living hell, to be honest. The not knowing who I am and constant worrying/paranoid thoughts are the worst part of it. I constantly question the things I do. I have a basic idea of who I am but with most things I start asking myself "Is this what 'you' would do?" (If that doesn't make sense, I don't blame you). I also have "linking thoughts". I'm not sure if that's an actual term, but with everything I see or hear, my mind seems to go in overdrive and link it up with everything possibly linked to what I've just seen or heard.
I very rarely don't have most or all symptoms. Once in a while, when I'm out with friends or doing something I can really focus on (hardly anything), the symptoms go away for a moment. Sadly, I usually 'catch' myself not having the symptoms and they'll all come flooding back, almost like its a bad habit and I have to have them.
I realize that being home alone in my state is not helping the situation. I'm currently studying at home by myself to get a degree so I can go on to study at a university, but what with all this going on in my mind and the fact I've never really been a disciplined person, or motivated, or able to concentrate for long periods of time and on top of that a lazy person, it's not easy getting that degree.
The thing is though, I don't want to be on any medication. I want to conquer this by myself. Maybe it's partly down to the fact that I'm paranoid the meds will have bad side-effects, or will change me for the worse or I'll become dependent.. either way, I don't want them.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.