raven4410
11-07-2011, 09:12 PM
Hello all. I am totally new at this...not really sure where to start so I'm just going to jump in and hope that someone can give me some helpful advice.
Sorry for all of the rambling.
I had a rough childhood. At age 17 my wonderful and amazing grandparents came and rescued me. I thought I was pretty normal until a few months later I was overcome with depression and anxiety so bad I didn't know what to do or how to act. I guess I thought life would be fine now that I was out of my parents house. Eventually life went on...medications, counselors, a few other things. I ended up meeting a great guy and got married at 19. Life got better for a while. Then I found out I couldn't have children, then life got worse, ended up getting a divorce after only being married 4 years. I had never handled the world on my own, so that was a big step for me. I managed. I started going to school and working. Did that for over a year and actually graduated! I should have been so proud of myself. But after I graduated all of a sudden life got scary and I couldn't get myself to leave my house...ended up quitting my job. Now I live in a different state. A good friend of mine moved me into their home and was so determined to get my life straight. I ended up FINALLY meeting the most amazing man. Finally got a great job, I've been here almost 5 months.
But, things are starting to go bad in my life...so I think. A couple of months ago I went to the dr feeling hopeless. She put me on Celexa. A few weeks ago she upped it. Apparently I have sever anxiety going on. I had a hernia repair surgery about 2 1/2 weeks ago(I've had many surgeries in my life) and I just returned to work today. It did not go as I expected. Not to mention I am sick with a sinus infection. I'm miserable. I ache, my back is aching, I feel like I have fever but I don't. But then I take Ibuprofen and a little while later I start breaking out in a little bit of a sweat. Work made me feel worthless today and I want to do what I do best and just run away and hide. I know I need to think logically....but I'm having a really hard time doing that. I can't keep my brain focused on anything and the last thing that I want to do is face my job. I should love my life. Why do I not all of a sudden? Seems like it would be easier sometimes to just do something that could not be the answer. I'm tired of screwing up my life. Maybe I'm just doomed.
Sorry for all of the rambling.
I had a rough childhood. At age 17 my wonderful and amazing grandparents came and rescued me. I thought I was pretty normal until a few months later I was overcome with depression and anxiety so bad I didn't know what to do or how to act. I guess I thought life would be fine now that I was out of my parents house. Eventually life went on...medications, counselors, a few other things. I ended up meeting a great guy and got married at 19. Life got better for a while. Then I found out I couldn't have children, then life got worse, ended up getting a divorce after only being married 4 years. I had never handled the world on my own, so that was a big step for me. I managed. I started going to school and working. Did that for over a year and actually graduated! I should have been so proud of myself. But after I graduated all of a sudden life got scary and I couldn't get myself to leave my house...ended up quitting my job. Now I live in a different state. A good friend of mine moved me into their home and was so determined to get my life straight. I ended up FINALLY meeting the most amazing man. Finally got a great job, I've been here almost 5 months.
But, things are starting to go bad in my life...so I think. A couple of months ago I went to the dr feeling hopeless. She put me on Celexa. A few weeks ago she upped it. Apparently I have sever anxiety going on. I had a hernia repair surgery about 2 1/2 weeks ago(I've had many surgeries in my life) and I just returned to work today. It did not go as I expected. Not to mention I am sick with a sinus infection. I'm miserable. I ache, my back is aching, I feel like I have fever but I don't. But then I take Ibuprofen and a little while later I start breaking out in a little bit of a sweat. Work made me feel worthless today and I want to do what I do best and just run away and hide. I know I need to think logically....but I'm having a really hard time doing that. I can't keep my brain focused on anything and the last thing that I want to do is face my job. I should love my life. Why do I not all of a sudden? Seems like it would be easier sometimes to just do something that could not be the answer. I'm tired of screwing up my life. Maybe I'm just doomed.