One word. Struggling

[scottfromoz]

Hi everyone.

I have always had issues with anxiety and what I have always called "feeling down". Lately (in the past year) my anxiety issues had been getting worse and worse, with daily panic attacks. I gave in and went and talked to a doctor, who diagnosed me with GAD and depression. He has put me on Pristiq and set me up with Psychologist visits.

So far I am not doing well, the Pristiq has increased my issues dramatically, but I have been told to just get through it for 4-6 weeks and things should get better.

Pristiq diary:
Day 1 - Extreme fatigue
Day 2 - Extra energy
Day 3 - Bad panic attack (worse than normal)
Day 4 - Massive panic attack, lasted from 4AM to 6PM (even after having valium) even had agoraphobia, worst day of my life.
Days 5-7 - Much higher anxiety/panic/depression feelings than normal, felt like I will never feel better
Days 8-13 - Increased anxiety/depression levels, but back at work, I am getting through the days, but would not say I am "coping". I have Valium to take as required, but its effects are limited.

I am scared that the anxiety is not going to get any better, I am struggling every day, I feel down, grumpy, angry, sad, anxious and constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I want to run and hide and I don't know how much more I can take. I want off these tablets but I know I should try and last it out to see if they help me.

M,30,Married with a 19mo son who is awesome except he is not a great sleeper (takes about 2 hrs every night to get him off to sleep). I have a supportive extended family, and friends. My workplace is a really bad place to be if you have anxiety issues, but I have been open about my depression and with that they are supportive.

Feeling like I wont get through the day today.

Scott

[Schatmeisje]

Hi Scott and welcome to the forum :-) Im in OZ too :-) You have done the right thing setting up psychologist visists and getting ready to tackle this head on. I left it so long, that mine got worse, I have GAD too and also agoraohobia ( I probably only spend 3 hours outside a week) or on some weeks none at all, but I am improving ! Remember there are always good days and bad days with this, i can have a bad patch for 2 weeks and not even go out of my bedroom, then the next week i can go and acomplish things i havent done in two years!
You will get through today, it will just be harder than other days, but there will be good days too. I know exactly how you feel. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here x

[scottfromoz]

I am having a bit of a breakdown today, I swear I keep hearing people in the office saying my name, feel like they are either laughing at me or disappointed in me, and that they are resigned to the fact that they are going to have to look for a replacement to me. So anxious I cant think, I have had 2 Valium, and I am at least no longer on the verge of a panic attack, but the nervous tension is making me bounce my legs, and I cant get my brain into my work. Going to the doctor this afternoon, i really don't know if this is all worth the trouble (ie. putting up with all this crap to get to the point where the tablets start working).

[scottfromoz]

Finished my third week on Pristiq today. Anxiety has gone down to pre-med (mostly) but depression is still increased, doc said to give it another week, but also wants to catch up with me tomorrow to see how I am getting on. Hopefully soon I actually start feeling better.....

[Panicked]

Hi Scott, I am sorry your having such a difficult time right now - Anxiety and panic attacks are awful. I think your doing fantastically in continueing with the medication. Medication tends to play a bit with your head before it begins to sort out any chemical imbalances, so you are right in sticking it out. I do hope that much more positive effects start soon.

In regards to the panic attacks, remember that your mind has set your body into a state of 'panic' and as quickly as you started it, you can get yourself out it. Try to work on deep breathing, Try to remember you are in control. Noone ever died of a panic attack, so taking that nothing bad is going to happen. Focus on your breathing and with every breath, lengthen it as you exhale. when your mind wanders, bring it back and just focus on your breathing and how your chest is moving in and out. When you start worrying again - focus. Just concentrate on those breaths. This will slow your heart rate down to normal, and you will be telling your body again that its ok. Practising this takes time and is no fixed cure, but the key is to remember your mind started it, you can stop it.

Sorry if I havnt been much use! someone may come with some official guidance to how to deal with this. Have you considered being hospitalised while the tablets take effect? this way you will always have a professional ear to hand, and also medications and support? Wish you well

[scottfromoz]

I am back at work this week, after taking a week off sick leave. Immediately back into a state of anxiety. My boss (who owns the company) is a bully, and working with my psychologist we have found a lot of my anxiety comes from issues with bullying. I am attempting to take control, and refused to be bullied, its either that or resign, and to be honest I would rather they fire me.

On the medication side, I had a full week of no anxiety while being at home, which shows that this place is the issue.

[Schatmeisje]

I had the same issue workwise, except my trigger was pressure, as i told them the truth about my panic disorder i was given a period of 4 WEEKS to be totally cured (how unrealistic! i wish it was that easy) needless to say, they bullied and pressured me until the point where i became agoraphobic and unable to leave my bedroom at all. i was then fired, I can honestly say although i was devestated at the time, i can now see that it was a good thing for me to get out of there ! I really hope iot all works out for you, it doesnt sound likethe greatest environment to be tackling anxiety xx

[alankay]

Scott, you could ask your dr. to either decrease the pristiq(1/2 dose) and then step it up(full dose) after you tolerate it better(a week or 2) and/or temporarily increase the valium until the pristiq can be raised to where it helps and then drop the valium back down to "as needed" or the previous dose. Sometimes taking 1/2 the pristiq dose in the AM and the other half at dinner(about 12 hours later)will reduce some off the side effects. Practice progressive relaxation, deep breathing, get some aerobic exercise and try to get a copy of Reid Wilson's book "Don't panic". Good useful book. Keep up the psychologists visits for sure!! Also if the pr*ck boss it that bad you could call the folks as the American with Disabilities Act office(http://www.ada.gov/contact_drs.htm) to ask what rights you have as I believe they are working to getting panic/anxiety recognized more and they may be some help we're not aware of. Just a thought. I feel your pain. Message me any time.

[alankay]

Oh, I'd start documenting times/dates/details/witnesses of any and all bullying at work. Can be therapeutic in and of itself and in the future, a lawyer might find it veerryyy good to have if the boss really crosses the line.