Aguila Negra
10-31-2011, 01:26 AM
I feel absolutely numb. I don't know if it's the Vicodin I just took or if it's just me. I called a crisis line and I don't really feel any better. It was like they where talking to me like I was a five year old. They made me feel kinda small and childish. I know they where trying to help but it didn't. They're going to call me tomorrow about counseling. Maybe they can help with the whole nothing is real feeling I've been having for a while. I feel like a ballon just got caught in the wind and I'm just floating on by.
I'm afraid to tell my school director why I'm falling behind in my classes. For some reason I have a fear that they will think I'm making it up. I told my mom about some of the stuff I've been feeling and all she said was that it scared her. It scares me too. I feel panicked at the moment but it's almost a lazy panic. Like my body has just given up fighting. I cried for a little bit but it only made my cheeks stiff and my eyes puffy.
I get the feeling that people look at me and ask why can't you be normal? My mom invited me to go out dancing with her and I panicked in the car. Just the thought of all of those people and loud music made me start sweating and tremble. She kept asking me why I felt this way and in all honesty I didn't know. I couldn't explain it. There where no words. I let her down. I could see that she was sad but I still couldn't will myself to go. She said it was alright but I don't know if she meant it or not.
I want to drink a beer now. I know I shouldn't and I'm not going to but it sounds good right now. Wow now I remember why I don't take Vicodin anymore. At least the physical pain is gone for the most part.
I'm afraid to tell my school director why I'm falling behind in my classes. For some reason I have a fear that they will think I'm making it up. I told my mom about some of the stuff I've been feeling and all she said was that it scared her. It scares me too. I feel panicked at the moment but it's almost a lazy panic. Like my body has just given up fighting. I cried for a little bit but it only made my cheeks stiff and my eyes puffy.
I get the feeling that people look at me and ask why can't you be normal? My mom invited me to go out dancing with her and I panicked in the car. Just the thought of all of those people and loud music made me start sweating and tremble. She kept asking me why I felt this way and in all honesty I didn't know. I couldn't explain it. There where no words. I let her down. I could see that she was sad but I still couldn't will myself to go. She said it was alright but I don't know if she meant it or not.
I want to drink a beer now. I know I shouldn't and I'm not going to but it sounds good right now. Wow now I remember why I don't take Vicodin anymore. At least the physical pain is gone for the most part.