janell58
10-28-2011, 03:21 PM
Hi, I have a partner who suffers from GAD as well as social phobias, fear of intimacy along with lots of other fears and anxieties.
I find it difficult to converse with him sometimes due to his anxiety. I was wondering if any of you can offer me some insight as to what is at the basis of this, if you ever react this way etc.
I will provide several examples. One situation goes like this: he expresses a strong negative opinion about something, ie other people, group of people, issue etc. If I respond with ANYTHING other than complete and overall agreement he cant handle it. He gets angry, annoyed, irritated, will tell me to stop, he will just shut down completly and give me cold shoulder, or says I can talk but he wont listen, he will leave if I dont stop etc.
I often just sit quietly and let him vent, but other times I do feel strongly that I have something to offer the discussion and want to express it. I may state a hypothetical possibility, a possible different view, or just state that I dont see it that way because..., or I see his point but.... etc Nothing works and basically I am told in one way or another that I am not "allowed" to disagree with him.
Another scenario is that I will make a nuetral factual statement, such as one of my grandchildren is having a preschool graduation of friday. He retorts quickly and strongly with a negative opinion about it, but then I try to state my view in defense to what he is saying or to explain, or to say I dont feel that way, and again he shuts me down and says I am arguing with him, why cant I just take what he says without responding etc etc
To me it seems as if he gets extremely nervous or anxious when anyone challenges him to think or to offer other views, opinions, beliefs, perspectives or information. In group situations he doesnt join a conversation at all. When he is with me, his mother, sister etc he talks but has to have control of the conversation, situation etc and speak his mind but if anyone says anything back he gets angry and shuts down. He is visibly pissed off and everyone knows it.
Is this common? If so, what can I do about it? I feel my thoughts, feelings, views, beliefs and opinions arent respected or valued at all. I accommodate his anxieties as much as I can, but this just seems to be an excuse to be controlling and disrespectful of others.
Any thoughts and views are appreciated!
Thanks-Janell
I find it difficult to converse with him sometimes due to his anxiety. I was wondering if any of you can offer me some insight as to what is at the basis of this, if you ever react this way etc.
I will provide several examples. One situation goes like this: he expresses a strong negative opinion about something, ie other people, group of people, issue etc. If I respond with ANYTHING other than complete and overall agreement he cant handle it. He gets angry, annoyed, irritated, will tell me to stop, he will just shut down completly and give me cold shoulder, or says I can talk but he wont listen, he will leave if I dont stop etc.
I often just sit quietly and let him vent, but other times I do feel strongly that I have something to offer the discussion and want to express it. I may state a hypothetical possibility, a possible different view, or just state that I dont see it that way because..., or I see his point but.... etc Nothing works and basically I am told in one way or another that I am not "allowed" to disagree with him.
Another scenario is that I will make a nuetral factual statement, such as one of my grandchildren is having a preschool graduation of friday. He retorts quickly and strongly with a negative opinion about it, but then I try to state my view in defense to what he is saying or to explain, or to say I dont feel that way, and again he shuts me down and says I am arguing with him, why cant I just take what he says without responding etc etc
To me it seems as if he gets extremely nervous or anxious when anyone challenges him to think or to offer other views, opinions, beliefs, perspectives or information. In group situations he doesnt join a conversation at all. When he is with me, his mother, sister etc he talks but has to have control of the conversation, situation etc and speak his mind but if anyone says anything back he gets angry and shuts down. He is visibly pissed off and everyone knows it.
Is this common? If so, what can I do about it? I feel my thoughts, feelings, views, beliefs and opinions arent respected or valued at all. I accommodate his anxieties as much as I can, but this just seems to be an excuse to be controlling and disrespectful of others.
Any thoughts and views are appreciated!
Thanks-Janell