Raccoon13
10-19-2011, 10:16 PM
Hello. This is my first time ever joining an online blog such as this. I came upon this site during a random google search; read a few posts and thought I'd give it a try (I found some of the posts to be helpful). I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. In all honesty, writing this post right now is giving me a lot of anxiety. Rationally I know we all go through similar experiences, I am hidden behind the computer screen and do not have to speak with anyone face to face.. but knowing someone will be reading this post is hard. But thats the point, for support, right?
I'm not very good at talking about myself but I'll give a 'short' bio. As mentioned already, I have always had anxiety. A childhood experience may have started this all, but it was when I was so young that I can't really remember much prior to it. My anxiety got out of control when I was in highschool. People always told me to enjoy highschool: its the best times of your life. Hearing that, if highschool is the best time of my life, I did NOT want to live any longer because highschool was awful. Walking down the hallways was very difficult. I started drinking heavily and turned to cutting. Junior year I had to take online classes because going into school around other people was very difficult. Being around other people made me feel awful, I felt constantly judged. I would get physically ill. I finially decided to seek the help of a therapist after a bad relationship ended. (My mom asked me to go many times before I decided to go.) I was scared to talk; afraid I would be sent away. I didn't understand at the time how talking to someone, which I was so afraid of doing, would help me. I never wanted to go on medicine, I was so against it, but decided to try it out a few months later. I've tried different cocktails of medicines.. which I have narrowed down to 1 daily pill over the years. I was able to go back into public school senior year with special allowances. I did not walk on graduation day, infact I had to take the last several weeks off of school and take my finals specially.
I have always wanted to reach high levels of education. At this point in time, people that I graduated with are on their masters. School has always been so difficult for me to work through. My anxiety gets so bad. I'm having a hard time working past an associates. It makes me feel so bad about myself that I can only take 2 classes at a time. Even that makes me sick. My anxiety symptoms become so hard to handle; I get dizzy spells, migraines, nausea, confusion, you name it! I have to call out of work often because I get physically ill. I panic and have anxiety attacks, sometimes I don't even know why.
Going back, my doctor diagnosed me with generalize anxiety disorder. Any and everything can and usually will make me worry. I have good days and bad days; good hours and bad hours; good minutes and bad minutes. My mood can change sometimes in a snap of a finger. Most people do not understand any of it, which makes it so much harder to live with/handle. When I say that I am anxious now, and on medicine, they question my use of medicine. What they do not know is that my anxiety now is 10x better than when I was off of medication.
I appologize for the back and forth; again I am not very good at talking. If it doesn't make sense, well, half the time I don't even understand what is going on with me and my thoughts.
Anyways, if you made it though, thank you for reading and good luck with your own journey with anxiety!
I'm not very good at talking about myself but I'll give a 'short' bio. As mentioned already, I have always had anxiety. A childhood experience may have started this all, but it was when I was so young that I can't really remember much prior to it. My anxiety got out of control when I was in highschool. People always told me to enjoy highschool: its the best times of your life. Hearing that, if highschool is the best time of my life, I did NOT want to live any longer because highschool was awful. Walking down the hallways was very difficult. I started drinking heavily and turned to cutting. Junior year I had to take online classes because going into school around other people was very difficult. Being around other people made me feel awful, I felt constantly judged. I would get physically ill. I finially decided to seek the help of a therapist after a bad relationship ended. (My mom asked me to go many times before I decided to go.) I was scared to talk; afraid I would be sent away. I didn't understand at the time how talking to someone, which I was so afraid of doing, would help me. I never wanted to go on medicine, I was so against it, but decided to try it out a few months later. I've tried different cocktails of medicines.. which I have narrowed down to 1 daily pill over the years. I was able to go back into public school senior year with special allowances. I did not walk on graduation day, infact I had to take the last several weeks off of school and take my finals specially.
I have always wanted to reach high levels of education. At this point in time, people that I graduated with are on their masters. School has always been so difficult for me to work through. My anxiety gets so bad. I'm having a hard time working past an associates. It makes me feel so bad about myself that I can only take 2 classes at a time. Even that makes me sick. My anxiety symptoms become so hard to handle; I get dizzy spells, migraines, nausea, confusion, you name it! I have to call out of work often because I get physically ill. I panic and have anxiety attacks, sometimes I don't even know why.
Going back, my doctor diagnosed me with generalize anxiety disorder. Any and everything can and usually will make me worry. I have good days and bad days; good hours and bad hours; good minutes and bad minutes. My mood can change sometimes in a snap of a finger. Most people do not understand any of it, which makes it so much harder to live with/handle. When I say that I am anxious now, and on medicine, they question my use of medicine. What they do not know is that my anxiety now is 10x better than when I was off of medication.
I appologize for the back and forth; again I am not very good at talking. If it doesn't make sense, well, half the time I don't even understand what is going on with me and my thoughts.
Anyways, if you made it though, thank you for reading and good luck with your own journey with anxiety!