rjisinspired
10-16-2011, 05:11 PM
Thank you for having me here.
I am a 37 year old male who has been suffering with anxiety, some depression, mild hoarding and other oddities for about almost 3 years, that I have been aware of. My whole life hasn't been really normal in some respects. I have also always been a perfectionist.
I feel like I'm isolated. Had this feeling for a long time actually. I have been working for a few years in self disciplining myself out from what I am under and generally it has seemed to work, with much pain, and I realize that I have much more road to travel.
Currently I'm going through something which may seem illogical. It involves something that will be 20 years old this coming October 31st. An old video tape. It's some kind of obligation relating to dates. For a good year I have been searching for this tape and I have come to realize that said tape appears to be MIA. For some reason I feel the need to still find it and post it right at the 20 year anniversary mark. If I don't I may/will regret it, die, go crazy or be changed in other ways.
There is another angle to this situation: there is a person on this tape who might be an old school teacher. She is elderly and it would had been nice if I could present this tape to her before she passes on.
I have many other issues such as fear of losing certain items, not being able to let go of certain things, not being able to get back certain things in my life and it makes me feel sick, etc. I know I will not truly die by not having a goal met but my mind tells and demonstrates to me otherwise.
My mind will pick up a thought, idea or a memory and run with it as to fulfill some kind of meaningful purpose with it that "has" to get done and my mind will not leave me alone unless I go through whatever it may be. I know this is extraordinary and unnecessary and deep down I'm tired of living like this.
Having something that isn't important being a ruling factor for my mental health and well being can be torturous. When something passes by that I cannot control, it does affect me for a while. Depending on how much of a priority a situation is, the time to feel better varies.
I had tried retrying medication with dire consequences and the funny thing is I had been on medicines from the time I was almost 17 up to age 34. This coming December will be 3 years off from medication with a few exceptions. My mind and body cannot tolerate medications. I'm ultra sensitive to them now.
I would like to just go on with my life without the constant unsettling feelings and worries. I have a few friends, many I have known practically all of my life so far and they don't truly understand what it is I go through. Only on a basic level they do.
That's basically it for now. All I can do is keep working on this. This is really draining.
Does it get any better?
I am a 37 year old male who has been suffering with anxiety, some depression, mild hoarding and other oddities for about almost 3 years, that I have been aware of. My whole life hasn't been really normal in some respects. I have also always been a perfectionist.
I feel like I'm isolated. Had this feeling for a long time actually. I have been working for a few years in self disciplining myself out from what I am under and generally it has seemed to work, with much pain, and I realize that I have much more road to travel.
Currently I'm going through something which may seem illogical. It involves something that will be 20 years old this coming October 31st. An old video tape. It's some kind of obligation relating to dates. For a good year I have been searching for this tape and I have come to realize that said tape appears to be MIA. For some reason I feel the need to still find it and post it right at the 20 year anniversary mark. If I don't I may/will regret it, die, go crazy or be changed in other ways.
There is another angle to this situation: there is a person on this tape who might be an old school teacher. She is elderly and it would had been nice if I could present this tape to her before she passes on.
I have many other issues such as fear of losing certain items, not being able to let go of certain things, not being able to get back certain things in my life and it makes me feel sick, etc. I know I will not truly die by not having a goal met but my mind tells and demonstrates to me otherwise.
My mind will pick up a thought, idea or a memory and run with it as to fulfill some kind of meaningful purpose with it that "has" to get done and my mind will not leave me alone unless I go through whatever it may be. I know this is extraordinary and unnecessary and deep down I'm tired of living like this.
Having something that isn't important being a ruling factor for my mental health and well being can be torturous. When something passes by that I cannot control, it does affect me for a while. Depending on how much of a priority a situation is, the time to feel better varies.
I had tried retrying medication with dire consequences and the funny thing is I had been on medicines from the time I was almost 17 up to age 34. This coming December will be 3 years off from medication with a few exceptions. My mind and body cannot tolerate medications. I'm ultra sensitive to them now.
I would like to just go on with my life without the constant unsettling feelings and worries. I have a few friends, many I have known practically all of my life so far and they don't truly understand what it is I go through. Only on a basic level they do.
That's basically it for now. All I can do is keep working on this. This is really draining.
Does it get any better?