Empty and lost - I just need to relate to someone right now

[evilferret]

Hi everyone
I'm Julie. I don't even know where to start. I can't go into the specific details of my anxiety and depression right now. But i'm here because I feel so alone and lost. I have absolutely no one physically near me right now to talk to. I'm away at college and my mother and best friend are hours away from me. It's frightening. I'm also going through horrible problems with my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend right now. He is pretty much the focus of my anxiety at the moment. But I'm here because I just need people to talk to, people to relate to, people who are going through similar things. I hope that will help my feeling of emptiness. I can't even explain it. I feel like there's a black hole in my chest right now and I have no idea what to do with myself. It's really scary. I'm sure many people can relate, it just helps to hear it from people.
I already feel happy that I'm here. I can't wait to start talking to people :)
Thank you so much

[surfmonkey]

:( that makes me sad. theres nothing worse than going through the roughest ride of your life and doing it alone!! can you call them? just tell them you need some comfort and see if that helps? sounds. it seems natural that with all the issues your dealing with, you would have some depression. being alone in general is really enough. then add the bf issue and then the anxiety and then depresion. its enough to knock you on your feet! it really is! if you ever wanna talk you can message me :) nothing makes me happier in life than to be able to help someone with their emotions. thats why i comment on everyones posts...lol :) what kind of music do you like julie? im listening to evanescence "my heart is broken" and im not gonna lie, its pretty soulful :) if your into the rock type stuff check it out!

[evilferret]

Thank you! Yeah, basically all these situations make me jittery, on edge...I dont know...an anxious mess. I feel lost and I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm at a loss. I find myself feeling so alone but so tense and trying to go a million miles per hour and I can't focus on anything. I've had issues with depression and eating disorders in the past, so this isn't anything particularly new. Although my anxiety has been worse than ever for the past year. I've never really had anxiety like this, where it more constant. And the issue with my boyfriend is so complicated. He's an alcoholic as well and basically we decided it's best to break up so he can get his life together and figure out his issues and how he treats me and to change. I mean, i think we should break up for sure for now...or go on a break...but to not talk at all? I can't handle that. I need support. He says he can't give me support right now. But i hate to say it...he's almost all I have. I mean, i was just as anxious before when we were together and he was blowing me off everyday. But now I also feel so empty. I don't know.
Anything, thank you so much surfmonkey. I will definitely be in touch.

[surfmonkey]

so your an alcoholic as well?? i understand that he is all you have right now but try looking at it from an outsiders point of view. yes you are alone at the moment however, he has already said that he cannot be your support. he clearly isnt treating you well. why do you want him around if he cant support you and he isnt treating you how you deserve to be treated?? so you arent alone?? technically if he cant support emotionally then you are alone. what makes him there? physically? you are capable of picking up the phone and calling 911 for you if need be so you dont need him for that. so other than the obvious love for him, what is there?? i promise you that eating dinner alone is much less lonely than being with someone who isnt treating you right!! i know its hard to see that bc ive been there big time but you deserve to be treated well. if you are both alcoholics then you are only fueling each others addictions ya know? the alcohol is worsening the anxiety :/ you may be able to help the anxiety in the long run if you stop drinking. i realize theres a lot of possible reasons for drinking. but it really help you out. when i stopped smoking cigarettes my anxiety toned down so much! its under so much control now bc i got rid of the chemicals. when you say your anxious, are you having panic attacks? night terrors? what kind of anxiety? you are so welcome and im glad that you felt you could talk to me :)

[evilferret]

No i'm not an alcoholic, sorry if that was unclear. I may not have explained myself clearly. Obviously there are some good things about him. He can be there, just not all the time. It's not about him being physically there. It's about him being there for me emotionally. I am relatively emotionally unstable which goes hand in hand with my anxiety. When he can't support me emotionally that makes my anxiety worse. I don't use any substances or anything like that to control my anxiety. So me feeling alone with no friends and no one to talk to just gets really scary.
And I don't have any specific anxiety disorder. I don't have panic attacks I don't think. I just feel like my mind and body are going a million miles a minute and it's too much for me to think. I have trouble breathing. I cry hysterically often. I feel like I have no control over my mind or emotions. And when they take over I can't do anything and I just do everything really fast. I also have some depression issues.
I don't know. My relationship with him is really complicated. He tries to treat me right, he's never intentionally not been there for me. But the end result is the same. His alcoholism is what causes it. I'm not trying to give him excuses. I don't want him in my life completely right now because he still isn't there for me in the ways that I need. But for him to be gone completely? To never talk to him at all during his recovery? That's too hard. I want to stay with him, but not until he tries to figure everything out. I know it may seem like a lost cause and I should move on...but I don't feel like that is right.

[surfmonkey]

noone can tell you that you need to move on. only you and him know the intimate details between you two. well bottom line, it seems like you need what he cannot give. the posibility that he will never be able to give that is real but if he cant give that to you bc ofalcohol alone then i understand. what makes it hard for you to be emotionally stable? if you can figure out how to comfort yourself emotionally then it will be much easier to allow him to recover alone. is he trying to get better? bc this will only get worse if he doesnt. your mind is so powerful and it can be your own worst enemy. maybe he needs you to walk away until he can realize the severity. maybe just try talking to him once or twice a week during recovery. you dont need to throw him away especially if you want a future! maybe just a little space. sounds just like anxiety. a good way to help with that is to exercise. or to do something like play a video game, clean,or do a bunch of positive activities in a very short period of time. you WILL tire yourself out :) and try to stay away from caffeine bc that will contribute. camomile tea will help a lot!

[evilferret]

Thank you :) Yeah, i mean I really do want a future with him. And I know the alcohol is the main cause for him to blow me off and stuff. Almost every single time he's ever blown me off alcohol has been involved. He only just told me this last night. He admitted to me he's always been extremely secretive with the alcohol. That really sucked to hear, but it as kind of a relief that it seems alcohol is a major cause to this, and if he recovers...our relationship will be better. He's working very hard to recover...I know he needs some space but last night he and I both agreed it was ridiculous for him to cut me out of his life, for even a little bit. We need to support each other.
Yeah, I'm trying really hard to do more things. I have a problem with isolating myself, making my anxiety and depression worse. I'm trying to see friends more, and do activities with people. Spending time with people and not alone always helps me when something is wrong.

[victor.gatto]

i understand what that feels like julie and its horrible, everyone here is like a little family so feel free to chat to any of us :)

[Vector]

I shoulda been here years ago. I'm a panic freak. Somehow I developed this problem right after I got married. I still get panic attacks but not as often. I take Citalopram for indefinite ammount of time. I lost count how many times I went to the ER. Each time I was normal and I always felt better when I left.but don't do this its very expensive. I just sit in the parking lot of the ER till I feel better. Lol. I jump rope now. Walk and run. It's helping. Cutting down on sugar and caffine to.