Lola
10-10-2011, 04:13 PM
Hey guys!
Well where should I start? Where did IT actually start? I'm just going to tell you my story and hope that some of you can relate to it and maybe even reply. :)
I moved to another country for my studies last year in September. Everything was fine for one year. I am a really social person, I love being with people and that's why I had and still have lots of friends. So my new life at college was perfect. The only problem was that I was constantly thinking about my family back home and I was having these really apocalyptic thoughts concerning them. I was always making up these scenarios in which they would die in an earthquake or something like that and I would never see them again. But until a couple of weeks ago I never had like real physical symptoms. I went home for summer break which lasted two months (while I was home I never had any negative thoughts) and then in September, so last month, I returned to college.
It all started during lectures when I felt I was getting sick and I was really afraid I would start throwing up in class and make a fool of myself. I always felt a lump in my throat and had a really funny taste in my mouth. And that's why I started drinking water, like obsessively drinking water. I can't leave home without my water bottle and I always fill it up between classes. Nowadays I'm really afraid of going to class and that's why I started skipping lots of classes. When I go to class I always try to sit near an exit so that I could rush out if anything happens.
The good thing was that I only had this feeling during class. Now I have it almost all the time. Actually only after lunch. I wake up and everything is fine, I attend my morning lectures but then, after lunch it gets worse. My head feels really fuzzy, my arms and legs sometimes tingle, I always have the feeling I'm going to faint and I'm really afraid of having a lethal disease and worst of all I get really scared because of this and that's why my heart starts racing.
Once I think I almost had a panic attack or maybe I had one but didn't get it. I was lying in bed, watching a movie on my laptop and then my legs started tingling, my ears were pounding, I felt sick and I was really afraid that something bad is going to happen (like I was going to die or have a stroke and my roommate would have to rush me to the hospital. But how would she even notice I'm having a stroke?! I was definitely going to lie there on the floor until the morning. That was my train of thoughts.) So then I got up really fast and started walking up and down my room, breathing in and out. That really helped and I managed to calm down. I fell asleep with the lights turned on that night...
I hate it! I don't actually know what to do. The thing is that I've really missed home during the last couple of weeks. I never had this last year but now the only solution I see is to go back home and give everything up. The only problem is that I love my friends and my life here. So this is why I'm actually torn between two worlds. What do you think I should do? I don't actually know if anyone is going to reply but writing this down really helped. Thanks for reading through my ginormous post.
Well where should I start? Where did IT actually start? I'm just going to tell you my story and hope that some of you can relate to it and maybe even reply. :)
I moved to another country for my studies last year in September. Everything was fine for one year. I am a really social person, I love being with people and that's why I had and still have lots of friends. So my new life at college was perfect. The only problem was that I was constantly thinking about my family back home and I was having these really apocalyptic thoughts concerning them. I was always making up these scenarios in which they would die in an earthquake or something like that and I would never see them again. But until a couple of weeks ago I never had like real physical symptoms. I went home for summer break which lasted two months (while I was home I never had any negative thoughts) and then in September, so last month, I returned to college.
It all started during lectures when I felt I was getting sick and I was really afraid I would start throwing up in class and make a fool of myself. I always felt a lump in my throat and had a really funny taste in my mouth. And that's why I started drinking water, like obsessively drinking water. I can't leave home without my water bottle and I always fill it up between classes. Nowadays I'm really afraid of going to class and that's why I started skipping lots of classes. When I go to class I always try to sit near an exit so that I could rush out if anything happens.
The good thing was that I only had this feeling during class. Now I have it almost all the time. Actually only after lunch. I wake up and everything is fine, I attend my morning lectures but then, after lunch it gets worse. My head feels really fuzzy, my arms and legs sometimes tingle, I always have the feeling I'm going to faint and I'm really afraid of having a lethal disease and worst of all I get really scared because of this and that's why my heart starts racing.
Once I think I almost had a panic attack or maybe I had one but didn't get it. I was lying in bed, watching a movie on my laptop and then my legs started tingling, my ears were pounding, I felt sick and I was really afraid that something bad is going to happen (like I was going to die or have a stroke and my roommate would have to rush me to the hospital. But how would she even notice I'm having a stroke?! I was definitely going to lie there on the floor until the morning. That was my train of thoughts.) So then I got up really fast and started walking up and down my room, breathing in and out. That really helped and I managed to calm down. I fell asleep with the lights turned on that night...
I hate it! I don't actually know what to do. The thing is that I've really missed home during the last couple of weeks. I never had this last year but now the only solution I see is to go back home and give everything up. The only problem is that I love my friends and my life here. So this is why I'm actually torn between two worlds. What do you think I should do? I don't actually know if anyone is going to reply but writing this down really helped. Thanks for reading through my ginormous post.