I'm off my rocker

[negativecreep]

Well, I think I just went looney!

I think I may have anxiety. Never really thought about me having anxiety before - dont know why, just thought it was something different.

Like, when I get up to go to work, I have to get up 1 hour eary, and be at work in the parking lot half hour early. Beacause I just go crazy, if i'm running things close. If I have to leave 15 minutes early, I'm just sick to my stomach and just sick that I may be late - actually EVEN THOUGH I know i wont be.

This girl i'm freinds with wants to meet (met her on myspace). I can't begin to meet her. As soon as I think of meeting her, I my stomach just drops out and I just start thinking, oh god, what if I show up late, what if she sees a nose hair, what if she doesn't like me, will she talk to me?, will she think I look fat... and prob about 100 other questions go through my head.

I had a job offer come through over the phone. Person wanted me to call them back to arrange things. I could not call back. I was so sick and scared of meeting this person, thinking... oh, even though I am qualified, I may not be able to do everything that is needed, what if he thinks i'm a young punk, what if he smells cigarette smoke on me - will he not hire me then, cause i'm a smoker... and again.. a TON of other questions. and thoughts pour through my head. I never did call him.

I could NEVER walk around in the mall by myself. I think everyone is looking at me, and saying stuff about how my pants are, or maybe making fun of my hair, or looking at the way I dress. its like, I think everyone in the mall has binoculars and they are all staring at me. Even though I KNOW THEY ARENT..

Thats what bothers me, I KNOW , ME, I KNOW THEY ARENT!!! but theres SOMETHING ELSE.. that makes me think this.. .. i dont know.. what the heck the problem is....

I now live in my apartment alone, and barely go outside at all, I've just baracaded myself in. I do not have health insurance, and am having a hard time finding a free clinic or anything...

lol, I have a million examples.. heres one more. At a sporting event, if I have to use the restroom..... i cannot, I have to sit as long as I can, then during a break or soemthing, run to the bathroom. BUT, I cannot come back. I have to leave and go home. I just cannot get out in front of all those people, starring at ME!! - but, i know they arent'...

Damn rediculous, I can't do anything, i'm not even functioning anymore. I have no freinds, I dont go outside barely....

I mean, I can be "normal" around people, just.... the voice inside my head.. (consceous) cant spell... just is way to overpowering.

Does this sound like anxiety? I dont even know what to do...

btw, this has been going on for my whole life.

EDIT: 27 years old male.

Thank you,
Rob.

[DayDreamer]

First off, you definately have anxiety.

I suffer it pretty bad too. I don't get apprehensive shopping at the moment, but it's getting worse my anxiety. I try and control it the best I can, some days are worse than others.

What gets me is when I am one on one with someone or me talking infront of people and I'm the focal point, I don't like that 1 bit - like business meetings I hate!

Funnily enough I've just come off the phone to someone who wants a meeting with me on Monday to talk about us supplying them. I work in sales (I made a thread just recently where you can read some of my story), but most of my sales I have made on the phone and I've met only a couple of customers and they have been in social environments or I've been with another colleague so I've taken a backseat. However, now this guy wants to meet me, he has just bought a big company, really confident on the phone, perhaps even arrogant with an ego. This is my worst situation, going to his company to talk over doing business with his company. I am already worried that I won't cope. However, I have some Diazepam which is an anti-anxiety perscription I use for flying, so will probably knock back a couple of vodkas and take a few of them.

I am going to make myself do it man. I get the same feelings as you, the stomach, nervousness, shakiness. However, I have to do this for the sake of my life. I can't go on fearing things like this.

You're 27, still relatively young. Surely you don't wanna be writing this out when you're 37, 47, 57, 67 etc. We are only on this planet a short time and life is SHORT and life is PRECIOUS. Try and make the most of it. We all do things we hate, some more than others, some put up with more mental/physical battles than others in terms of anxiety and it sucks but it's there and we gotta deal with it for the sake of our own quality of life.

I know exactly how you feel and it won't just go away. Best thing is to fight it head on. Go meet this girl, if she thinks you're a loser, screw it. What do you have to lose? You could choose not to meet her and do what you usually do, sit in ur flat, on the computer or watching TV, the same mundane, comfortable option. Or you could, although nerve-racking, take the more difficult option and go meet her. You don't know what will happen, you could get on like a house on fire, get married and have kids - it's ur future here you need to think about.

I really do feel what you're going through, but you can do it, don't let it beat it. Make yourself do the impossible, you have nothing to lose. In 60 years time you probably won't be on this planet, so nothing in your past will matter any more as you will be in a higher place (if you believe that sorta thing). Try and live your life to the full and don't take any sh*t off anybody. Stand up strong and try to fight your demons. Believe in yourself. Everyone is capable of doing it! I try and think like this when I get my anxiety.

[negativecreep]

Ya know, I really thank you for your reply. It's amazing what words can do. I guess it means a lot more coming from you, as you have the same symptoms. Up until now, someone would say things kinda like that, but I knew they had no idea what it was really like.

Honestly, This is the first time I've actually said "i have this problem"... like, and admitted it.

Its so weird how just saying "I HAVE THIS PROBLEM" kinda.. can put you in the mindset to deal with it.

Wow, funny, I feel like a million bux right now.

We'll see how long I can maintain it. Instead of letting the feeling run its course, I'm gonna try to sustain it.

Well, I"m way over tired. Time for rest.

Rob.

BTW: Good luck with that man. oh boy, that would kill me. I'd have to quit my job lmao lol

[DayDreamer]

Quit my job? I'd love to, but then I wouldn't be able to enjoy spending money on stuff I enjoy like food, beer, clothes, video games, DVD's etc. ;)

It's going to be real tough on Monday, but I can do it, it won't kill me. If I breakdown and screw up, I don't care (I will at the time, but when I look back I won't), at least I tried it and you can't blame a man for trying.

Just think about the bigger picture, what's 30 minutes or an hour in your enitre life? It's nothing!

NOTHING VENTURED NOTHING GAINED!

I don't wanna be not known. I wanna be known as a man who did things. I wanna make something of myself and if used in the right mindset which is hard, things like anxiety and other impairments can drive you on to be a better person.

It's all about confidence and belief in yourself. You're a young man (albeit older than me) and you're worth more than you think!

Like I say, I understand the struggles, the daily anxiety and pain you go through. You've put it off a long time if you say you've had it since you can remember.

I think the only way you can beat anxiety is by doing the dreaded tasks at hand. Impossible as it may seem, it's achievable and plenty of people around the globe have stared their fears/anxiety in the mouth and come off a better person for it.

I'm trying.

[halfwayhome]

Sounds a lot like anxiety to me!

I can't go to the bathroom in public.. but that's because I'm scared of public bathrooms.
I have about an hour commute to school. If I'm five minutes late, I'll usually just skip the class, waste the two hours I spent travelling (there & back together.) rather than draw attention to myself by walking in five minutes late - AS IF ANYONE CARES, right?
I had a job that I needed to complete in order to complete one of my college diplomas.. for no good reason, I couldn't do it. I worked two days and then made up a story about a dying relative (terrible, I know.) and quit. When I was there, I was having such horrible anxiety and I would sit there at my desk and cry. Because of this, I couldn't finish my diploma and STILL don't have it. I'm working on a degree now, and am tempted to never finish my diploma because I'm too scared to do that EVER AGAIN.

Sigh. I wish I knew what to say that could help you.. but, hey, if you hear anything, let me know. :P Good luck to you. I hope you can find a free clinic soon.. anxiety is terrible.

[ls]

Daydreamer, you are so right on when you said....

I think the only way you can beat anxiety is by doing the dreaded tasks at hand. Impossible as it may seem, it's achievable and plenty of people around the globe have stared their fears/anxiety in the mouth and come off a better person for it.

I live by that same rule. Sometimes I shake so bad and can't think, but I DO IT ANYWAY>>>>>>

[DayDreamer]

It may not go smoothly and probably won't, but you'll come out the other side having accomplished what seemed impossible. If it goes wrong, move on. Keep doing it and doing it and doing it. Eventually you'd have faced your anxieties so often and come out the other side that maybe one day you'll overcome your fears.

I always hope that one day I won't fear and I hope that day won't be the day I die.