serious social anxiety disorderhelp :(

[emma1992]

i have serious social anxiety its ruinning my life.iv lost many friends and relationships.its also very hard trying to get a job. i hate going out i feel awkward around people. i constantly feel ugly and stupid and im starting to feel like im going crazy? i cant handle going out alone or bieng around new people.i feel nobody understands any of this and i really could do with some advice and help? :(

[Schatmeisje]

Hi emma, i dont have social anxiety, but i have panic disorder and agoraphobia, so in effect, i cant go out comfortably and meet new people, even though i really really want to. Meditation has helped me a fair bit (i just use self guided anxiety meditations from you tube) , and also i had some therapy that basically just helped me to understand what was going on.
you are not going crazy, it is just a disorder, and you can work on it and make it easier. I know for me it has taken a lot of hard work, but you could maybe start trying to go out with a couple of people you feel safe with, and just stay as long as you feel confortable, then increase the time.
Loads of people are nervous about meeting and interacting with new people (i think most people would have some level of anxiety about it), so remember you are not alone, and there are so many of us with this type of thing.xxx

P.S. I was totally housebound woth agoraphobia, and after 3 mnths of hard work i managed to go and meet a group of 9 total strangers last week, and i lasted for 35 minutes at a BBQ picnic thing ( i couldnt even go out of my front door 3 months ago!) Its not easy, but it can be done, and if you are struggling or need help, we are all here for youx

[mikeyboi]

Hi emma!

im sorry your feeling the way your feeling, let me start by saying i know exactly what your going throuugh, i just in fact wrote a welcome thread above yours, i want you to know your not alone ok, and your thoughts are normal i get them throughout the day usually the worst in the morning then as the day goes on it gets better especially at night because by then im exhausted and dont care anymore.

So first off, what helps me the most is doing something, i know its hard, and let me tell you, ive been sobbing for days i know the pain, but doing anything, i dont mean lying in bed, i mean get up, go watch some youtube videos, make yourself a small goal everyday. Even if its apply to five jobs a day, or three, or one, each day thats an achievment.

Deep down you know your not crazy and thaat your probably actually very pretty and smart, however, you ego, which is the voice in your head telling you your stupid, u cant be outside "if i go outside something will happen, what if someone thinks im ugly, what if i do something stupid, what if something happens oh great now its midday and i cant leave the house etc etc" is actually a poorly trained ego. as is mine, usually some kind of childhood issue or traumatic experience(s) happen and then over time you most likely developed that way of thinking and your coping mechanisms broke down or you realised that something needed to change.

What i reccomend doing right now, is accepting your anxious, the more you focus on the anxiety and whats "Not right" the anxiety gets worse. for example, your ego says "i dont feel good" and what happens? you dont feel good, now if you repeat that tape in your mind for say one month, guess what, you will feel very fuckin bad! lol. so accept your not feeling good, but say to yourself out loud "i feel good, i feel happy" what this does is start to retraing your mind and change that negative tape in your head to make something positive start playing.

what needs to happen is that you slowly make goals everyday to overcome your (unrealistic fears)

For me today, and im new to the anxiety by the way, ive had it for ten days and wanted to die for ten days because its the most pain ive felt. for me i decided ok so i dont want to do anything, but my ego is going to say to me mike u suck ur still in bed and basically feed that im no good, well instead, i told my ego to "go do one" and that im going to drive somewhere and play with my laptop, and also i decided that il go see a movie with my cousin later, now keeping in mind im petrified of these things, what tends to happen is il hate it, hate it, hate it less as im doing it, hate it even less, forget im axious (even if its for a short while) and then feel stronger.

This is because i told my ego that i wanted to do this and proved it that im not crazy and nothing bad would happen.

So for you, this would be go out by yourself for a walk, even if its for ten minutes, and by the way your ego is going to protest prefusely, saying rational things like "whats the point? im not being productive, this wont fix me, i cant do this, what if someone sees me and thinks im ugly" or whatever your brain says to stop you, but you will feel empowered for doing it.

Theres a light at the end of the tunnel emma i promise. just start doing little things.

[emma1992]

Thankyou for taking the time to write all this for me. It makes me feel so much better knowing other people understand and know how hard it is to cope with.everything you have said is excacly how i am. I will take your advice and try doing little things at a time :)I havnt left the house in days maybe maybe il try a walk :).