Feeling helpless

[djfunnyboi79]

Hi everyone
Hope you are all well. I have just joined the site this morning as I need to reach out to someone about some issues I've been having.
I've always been a worrier, but over the last 2 years my worries and indeed my insecurities have reached a new level, to the point that I feel I'm close to not being able to cope.

The worries tie in a lot with my relationship with my partner. Most of the time it's a loving, happy relationship, but when things go wrong such as money worries, insecurities over the role of his ex's (I'm in a gay relationship and he used to be married to a woman, plus has another ex bf), I tend to panic a lot and get very insecure. Just to add, I am generally a very insecure person, especially when it comes to relationships.

This has led to extremely bad sleeping patterns (I haven't slept for 3 nights now), mood swings, arguments, aggressiveness from my part (verbally, not physically) and the constant feeling of helpelessness. As I type this I'm feeling so tired but can't settle enough to get into bed and try to get to sleep. Then this is impacting badly on the following day.

I'm also starting to experience physical symptoms such as irritable bowel syndrome and a general very panicky state.

I don't feel at this time that I can chat to my partner regarding this. I'm not exactly in his good books right now and don't feel I can approach him about it for fear of stressing him out too.

I just know I can't continue like this. I'm worried.

Thanks for reading.

Darrell :)

[kellyzac]

Hiya honesty is the best policy ive found! when i get myself worked up if i dont tell my husband he thinks its him or im just being mardy which can in turn make the arguments worse! On a more general scale have you tried talking through your problems with a counsellor this can really help to unlock issues that you maybe you dont know that are bothering you but are if you know what i mean. Ive just finished seeing a counsellor and its really helped me communicate with my husband and friends more about the way i feel because ive always been the kind of person to bottle things up. You will be suprised when you start to tell people how many people feel the same or have done at some point in their life! Try to chill read a book have a relaxing bath it wont work straight away but if you work at relaxing at the end of the day it will start to pay off esp sleep wise! relaxation tapes can be good to listen to to help get you off to sleep.

[djfunnyboi79]

Thanks Kelly
I hear what you're saying and agree with you. But as most of my insecurities and worries are centred around my partner I find it very hard to confide in him. In the last few days I did indeed try to do just that. The subject was about money. Don't want to bore you with too much background but have mentioned the role he has with his ex's worries me quite a lot. In particular the amount of money he pays to his ex wife and family for upkeep - A LOT!!!! Then that impacts badly on his finances, he gets stressed and ultimately then I do too. When I approached him about it he said what he pays her is "none of my business". I was furious when he said that to me and a very big argument ensued and at the end I thought we were close to finishing. I explained the following morning more what I meant about these money worries and he understands a bit more where I'm coming from but isn't impressed with me right now and I feel I'm paying for it with cold shoulder treatment. This on top of everything else is making me feel very unsettled. Sorry for my ranting hehe :)

[kellyzac]

Its ok, i get you. Perhaps talking to a counsellor might help you then, sometimes just venting your frustrations to someone else first can help. It helped me because im a bottler then il just explode like a bottle of pop and everything spills out an my hubby is then instantley on the defence an a row begins! Now ive learnt to say whats on my mind when its on my mind instead of letting it stew in my head turning a little thing into a massive thing. That doesnt help the situation right now mind!! All i can say is pick your time, sit down and ban him from speaking until you have spilled everything,explain how it all makes you feel and how it goes around in your head tell him the lot and see where it goes from there! If it doesnt work at least u'll feel abit better having got it all off your chest!!!

Kelly