Overwhelmed

[Jenova]

I'm not sure if I should post this here but I've often wondered if I was agoraphobic. I suffer from anxiety in many different ways and it's making my life unbearable.

I guess I'll start from the beginning. I've been anxious for as long as I can remember but once I hit 12 it got much worse, coupled with depression and mania. This went on for years, getting worse and worse.

I've also been emetophobic as long as I can remember. It's a severe fear of vomiting or being around someone who is. Not many people understand how difficult this is, it affects every day of my life. I'm afraid to eat, burp, drink too fast and even be "full" after eating. I won't go near rides and I've actually run away from my children when they've gotten sick which leaves me feeling very guilty.

When I was 18 I was diagnosed as having social anxiety disorder and as being mildly manic depressive. I found most of my depression was triggered by my frustration at the anxiety I experience.


I took paxil for 4 years and found it wasn't being as effective. I was on a fairly high dose and my doctor and I decided I should go off paxil and try Effexor recently. I've put it off and put it off, it's been sitting in my cupboard for a month at least and I'm scared to take it because nausea and vomiting is a side effect and it terrifies me. So ironically, the medication I want to take for my anxiety is making more more anxious. On top of it my over all anxiety is increasing dramatically every passing day. I'm fearful to leave the house at times. I'm afraid to go places because I'm worried about germs, food poisoning, seeing or hearing someone vomit. I think all the time that I would love to be institutionalized because I think I'd feel safe from it all. I wouldn't have to live life, I could stay in a room and sanitize it so I would be safe from germs.


I'm afraid to go out for more general reasons as well. I find everything around me anxiety provoking. I can't take it anymore and the worst part is I can't get away from myself. I think about suicide because I can't stand this horrible overwhelming anxiety that haunts me day in, day out.


How will I ever be ok again if I'm terrified to take my medication?


I know this about about more than agoraphobia but I'm wondering if this is in part a problem for me.



J.

[Boop Boopie Boop]

Hi Jenova,

You poor thing, you seem to have many different kinds of anxiety. You will have agoraphobia if you have a fear of being somewhere where you cannot get back or where it may be embarrassing to have a panic attack. It may be that your fear of getting panicky about vomiting may be manifesting in agoraphobia. Really though, in most cases, the anxiety is the same problem, it just manifests itself into different reactions, phobias etc.

Have you seen someone in the past like a counselors or psychiatrist? Medication can be helpful but often you need more than that. If you are really worried about your new tablets, then it may be better to see someone first and work through swapping together.

Hang in there Lovie it is hard but you can do it. Make sure you get yourself some good professional support, it is much easier than going it alone.

[Bubbywu]

I'm Agoraphobic, and at times I've gotten sick ( vomiting), from the flu and such. Every time I get sick it makes my anxiety worse. And dry heaves make me panic even more. It's because I think I have no control. My husband took me to the ER twice because of this. It sounds like you have a combo of phobias that are all playing off each other. I understand about the meds too. I was on Imipramine for 15 years. It worked great I thought, but then I found out you shouldn't be on it for so long. To top it off, I died at work one night and found out I have Congenital Long QT Syndrome and the Imipramine was making it worse. SO now I'm afraid to take anything and I have to check with my heart specialist before I take anything. I can take Xanax (alprazolam) but I only take it as needed. Except for mornings. I take one with my heart med (Toprol) because for some reason mornings bring out a lot of anxiety in me. Make sure you do self relaxation everyday and a little exercise too. It really helps. And I always do research on meds when they want me to try something. Meds scare me but I know what Xanax does. Try to find a Cognitive Therapist to help change to way your thought process works too. I've been seeing one for about 4 months and it's really starting to work. I haven't worked for 2 years now and I want to get back out there. When I was first diagnosed as homebound it was the first time I had never worked. Six months!! Hypnotherapy helped me to start driving again and then working again. I haven't worked for 2 years now because that's where I died. So I have to build myself back up to work again. A day at a time.

;)

Chele

[wordmistress]

Jenova,
I'm with you there! I also have the emetophobia and I have a hard time eating as well! I have a fear that my food will be bad. I do my best to avoid germs, but if the food is bad and I don't know, it will be too late once I have eaten it! I also don't take medicines in general that I need if one of the side effects is nausea or vomiting.

You have to keep trying. Eat something new and then talk to yourself after you eat it. Tell yourself that you are fine. Tell yourself that you are not going to get sick and people eat this same food every day! The one thing I did take away from therapy is that you have to reason with yourself. If you say it outloud and it sounds irrational, then be rational with yourself (even though half the time I think the crazy things I say are rational.). If you can't talk yourself out of the anxiety, try calling a friend or family member right away and tell them all your fears!

You need a really good support person honey! Is there anyone in your life that will be non-judgemental and be willing to hope you?

Hope all is well!