Introducing Myself- a little of my story

[JulyJuniper]

Hi There,
I am new to this forum. I am suffering from anxiety and getting over a bout of depression right now. I'm 26 and I have dealt with depression and anxiety for nearly 10 years since some family troubles in my teenage years. I have gone through several types of medications, a questioning diagnosis of ADD (i'm still not sure if I have it, since I don't respond well to aderal, but I still have attention issues.) I've had several therapists which have been helpful but I haven't stuck with them long enough. There have been times when I have been depression free and at least a lessened state of anxiety and thoroughly enjoyed life. My latest issue occurred early August when I started have really strong feelings of depression and anxiety. That enjoyment for life was diminished. I wasn't on health insurance at the time so I just struggled through it. At the beginning of September I got health insurance back and I started seeing a new doctor. I'm back on citalopram (celexa) which I was on before. I also take ativan as needed. I knew I wouldn't get instant results, so I'm pushing through with the celexa until I see some results. Every day is still a struggle! Also, I started seeing a new therapist.

My symptoms of anxiety start in the morning. I get an intense heart pounding sensation before I get out of bed and I dread the day ahead. I have been crying a lot. The heart pounding/palpitations can occur during the day too. I also feel a tightness in my chest and these awful feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and worry. It's a very physical thing when it happens, but my emotions get the best of me too and I can't talk my way out of the anxiety so easily. I still function, though, I go to work and school and sometimes manage to see friends.

I meant to just introduce myself and there's most of my story. I hope that while I'm doing recovery out in the real world, I can use this internet forum for support and find some new ways to cope. I'm hopeful that I can make it through this.

[Matt93]

Hi, how ya doin? Im so sorry to hear that you have anxiety and all that stress:( I too have really bad anxiety and mine started about a year ago and im only 18. I obtained it one morning on the way to school after losing a member of my family about 4 weeks prior and stressed out about making graduation. Anyways I take valium which is ativan as well and I've noticed the more I take it the worse I feel. I now haven't taken it in 5 days and im doing about 50% better. Just remember that before the anxiety you didn't need those pills so why need them now when the panic wont kill you?I try to look at it like this. The sad truth is one day we are all going to face our own passing so if we just sit around everyday because we think were dying then what would we have even lived for? Remember god put us all here for a purpose. Get out there and have fun! Live your life and don't worry. You wont regret it. I really hope I helped. I also really hope I didn't come off mean or anything bad. Im not to good at the posts. Sorry, im new :P but really I hope you start to do better. Take care.
- Matt

[JulyJuniper]

Thanks, Matt. I'm using the medication right now to cope with things sort of like a crutch. I know that meds like ativan won't help in the long run but I use an SSRI like celexa the same way a diabetic might use insulin. What I'm going through isn't just made up or in my head, it's an illness that I can thankfully treat with medications. I also have therapy and other methods that I can use that will help to hone my natural coping skills. I've dealt with these issues a long time now, since about your age! Though I've gone through it again and again each time feels new, so it's been a little tough to deal with.

I'm sorry that valium made you feel worse. I've never tried that but maybe it's too strong. It's good that you've gone a few days without it, but maybe you can talk to your doctor about an alternative if you ever need that type of medication again. You are young, so hopefully you can find the skills now to not need medication in the future!
-Alicia