hello!

[stevie.x0]

hello, my name is stevie i am 19 years old and ive had anxiety for about a year now. its getting worse as time goes on and i need to see a therapist i just have not had time. i want to move soon but i would have to live alone and i am completely terrified i feel like i wont be ok because no one will be there for me if i need them. i also dont drive because of my anxiety and that sucks so much! my health being bad is what started it all and then it just makes it worse. because of my anxiety and stress i now get heart palpitations, theyre a lot less now then they were a year ago, but i still get them and am afraid that i will have them for ever and they wont ever go away.
its crazy that i have anxiety about dying ALL THE TIME, but having that stress will end up killing me in the long run! i cant wait to see a therapist, but im just scared they will want to medicate me which i refuse to do. i believe in holistic ways of healing and i refuse to take any sort of medication esp with my heart palpitations.
life is pretty crazy and crappy with anxiety i just want it to go away. and it sucks when no one understands what you go threw, like as if its so easy to just not worry about things. if it was that easy there wouldnt be websites dedicated to people with this!
im married and i hope to have kids one day soon, but im afraid that i wont be able to handle being pregnant because of my heart palpitations and my anxiety. i am so terrified of surgery and medication i want an all natural birth. and i also do not want to have to deal with heart palpitations for 9 months (or more) straight.
i decided to go on this website so i could make friends that are in my situation. i pretty much have no friends anymore im not sure when or why i developed social anxiety so i pretty much lost all friends and the ones i do have dont know what its like to live this way. i am going into a depression because of all of this. i want to be able to be a normal teenager but i havent been for a long time. i would love to hear other peoples stories and get some advise and to connect with people.

[rubyslippers]

Hiiii Stevie. I know exactly where you are coming from. Its easy enough for people to say "stop worrying" or "stop panicing" when they are not going through. I feel a burden on my family because I can't be alone because I worry if I collapse or faint or have a panic attack then there won't be anyone to help me. I lived on my own for 3 years previously and this anxiety just came out of nowhere and I had to move home. I've only ever had heart palpations a few times but I'm on betablokers which stop the effects of panic attacks and slow your heart down. I know it sounds scary at first but I'm on a very low dose to what people who have had heart attacks are on. I completely freaked out and immedietly went to see the doc and asked why at the age of 21 am I on meds to slow my heart down?!? He reassured me and I'm doing well now. I can see the progress I have made in the past few months and hopefully ill be better soon. I do not want to waste my life worrying about dying, I am determined to be 'normal' again.