pricklyrose
11-18-2006, 12:23 PM
Hi Everyone,
I have been scanning the pages here, and decided that there are some caring people that may be able to be supportive of me and my condition while I may be able to offer some support.
Well, where should I start? I turn 35 the 20th of November. I was married for 14 years in a semi-abusive relationship, got divorced, and married again a few months later. Don't get me wrong, the man I married is different - okay, that is probably something a lot of people says.
He is 50. He is supportive of me in every aspect of life, but he has moments of extreme anger aparently for no reason. He doesn't degrade or hit, he just scares. He realizes he has a problem and he is seeing a therapist which seems to have helped a lot. He has a low self-esteem and doesn't do much work, but he has a good heart.
Anyway, I am doing what I do extremely well - avoiding me. I am here because I am lost. I have always suffered from GAD, depression, and a lot of other things. What I have been looking for is the root of the problem, but it always seems to evade me. WHat concerns me is the here and now. I am tired of visiting therapists who play a blame game. I want to have help on my journey, and finally I have a therapist I believe understands my goals.
About 6 weeks ago, I quit seeing the therapist. I actually quit seeing anyone. I cannot leave my room without tensing up, and so that obviously puts going out of the house out of the question. I start getting anxious, shaking, screaming inside if I even consider leaving.
Now this is the weird part - I do not feel depressed. I cannot find a root for this at all. Actually, I thought I had dealt with my agoraphobia years ago, but here it is to strike its ugly little head.
I am so tired of being startled awake by nothing as I fall asleep (been happening for a couple years now). My heart racing for no reason. Thoughts that imagine weird, bizarre, possibilities to situations. Bloody, murderous nightmares. Sleeping on the office floor because I cannot stand to leave the room. I talk to doctor's they try to drug me up, but I cannot think when on the pills they try to put me on.
I have put on almost a hundred pounds in a year simply because I do not leave the house to exercise. I am scared of my own shadow. I have a 15 year old son who this is effecting. I don'ty know what to do much less how I am supposed to do it. I am intelligenty, and if I could find a reason, I could fix it, right?
Being diagnosed with everything under the sun does not help. My therapist is setting me up with a PSR so my medicaid will pay for home visits until this passes, and she had to set up the appointment via email because I also refuse to talk on the phone.
Okay, I guess this is a good start to my strange introduction. Look forward to any comments, suggestions, ideas, or anything that will help.
Thanks so much,
Rosey
I have been scanning the pages here, and decided that there are some caring people that may be able to be supportive of me and my condition while I may be able to offer some support.
Well, where should I start? I turn 35 the 20th of November. I was married for 14 years in a semi-abusive relationship, got divorced, and married again a few months later. Don't get me wrong, the man I married is different - okay, that is probably something a lot of people says.
He is 50. He is supportive of me in every aspect of life, but he has moments of extreme anger aparently for no reason. He doesn't degrade or hit, he just scares. He realizes he has a problem and he is seeing a therapist which seems to have helped a lot. He has a low self-esteem and doesn't do much work, but he has a good heart.
Anyway, I am doing what I do extremely well - avoiding me. I am here because I am lost. I have always suffered from GAD, depression, and a lot of other things. What I have been looking for is the root of the problem, but it always seems to evade me. WHat concerns me is the here and now. I am tired of visiting therapists who play a blame game. I want to have help on my journey, and finally I have a therapist I believe understands my goals.
About 6 weeks ago, I quit seeing the therapist. I actually quit seeing anyone. I cannot leave my room without tensing up, and so that obviously puts going out of the house out of the question. I start getting anxious, shaking, screaming inside if I even consider leaving.
Now this is the weird part - I do not feel depressed. I cannot find a root for this at all. Actually, I thought I had dealt with my agoraphobia years ago, but here it is to strike its ugly little head.
I am so tired of being startled awake by nothing as I fall asleep (been happening for a couple years now). My heart racing for no reason. Thoughts that imagine weird, bizarre, possibilities to situations. Bloody, murderous nightmares. Sleeping on the office floor because I cannot stand to leave the room. I talk to doctor's they try to drug me up, but I cannot think when on the pills they try to put me on.
I have put on almost a hundred pounds in a year simply because I do not leave the house to exercise. I am scared of my own shadow. I have a 15 year old son who this is effecting. I don'ty know what to do much less how I am supposed to do it. I am intelligenty, and if I could find a reason, I could fix it, right?
Being diagnosed with everything under the sun does not help. My therapist is setting me up with a PSR so my medicaid will pay for home visits until this passes, and she had to set up the appointment via email because I also refuse to talk on the phone.
Okay, I guess this is a good start to my strange introduction. Look forward to any comments, suggestions, ideas, or anything that will help.
Thanks so much,
Rosey