Obtrusive thoughts!

[aboucher]

Hi- I have had anxiety for about 2 years, I have learned lots of natural and medical ways to calm my tension and not feel so out of control. One thing I cannot seem to shake is the obtrusive thoughts specifically of suicide. I have tried to explain this to my therapist. It is not that I want or am planning, but that I have a huge fear of it. I can't get it out of my head. I worry(as I am sure we all do) of going crazy and being out of control. Please tell me there is someone else out there with these fears, and if so what do you do to put yourself at ease. I have a wonderful life and beautiful family with everything I could ever ask for, except for these terrible thoughts!!

-A

[lostperson]

well just keep reminding your there's a after life and u dont want to killurself cause u dont want 2 spend the rest of ur life in the hellfire i will pray that everthing gets better where all gonna die so there no need for u 2 end ur own life just try 2 take it 1 day at a time nd hopefully things will get better for you think about how much your family loves u nd think about living feel better

[GDA_mum_to_be]

I never thought of suicide or feared the prospect ...but one sentence in your story struck a cord within me: "I have a wonderful life and beautiful family with everything I could ever ask for, except for these terrible thoughts!!"..my thoughts are turning the beautiful picture of my life into black and white :(

Wishing both of us best of luck

[infear]

That's part of my problem too. I have one dark thought about my boyfriend and that opens the door to other dark thoughts. I feel fine except I can't stop the thought from coming back.

[Brad]

I've had the same thoughts too. Basically anything your mind can turn against you it does, especially those that are most unlike you. They're just thoughts, you won't act on them.

[Brad72]

Aboucher, I am sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. The thing you have to remember is that what you are feeling are just thoughts, they are not real, they cannot hurt you, yes they do feel terrible but they cannot hurt you. You are a lot stronger than you think and you will get through this. I to have had thoughts of suicide, but even when the anxiety can seem unbearable, I would never do it as I love my wife and kids, and my life to that matter too much, . I guess I know I will get through the pain because the evidence says I will, as I have done so many times before.

I like to think of the old roller coaster analogy. Two people are standing in line about to get on the roller coaster. One is exhilerated and the other terrified. Both are feeling the adrenalin starting to pump, their heart rates and blood pressure rising, their muscles getting tense, mouth getting dry, and feeling out of control but the diffence is how each of their minds perceive the sensations. One says this is fun , the other says this is dangerous. I think because of anxiety we really struggle with sensations or negative feelings and emotions but the harder we try to get rid of them, the more they seem to bother us.

When i think back to the days before I had anxiety the simple things never bothered me like loosing control when getting drunk, smells or sensations. It was only after anxiety that I developed a hightened awareness of what my mind perceived as danger.

I can recommend a book by DR Russ Harris called "The happiness Trap" and the use of Mindfullness Meditation. These gave me a lot of strength and understanding of the struggle we have to be happy all the time but also how to better take control of my thoughts. Because of my constant quest to get rid of anxiety and negative thoughts I had forgotten that we can be sad, angry, happy and all these things are ok. I was also lucky to find therapist who uses ACT, mindfullness and CBT which together have been excellent. I can't remember the last time I had a panic attack. I still struggle with my thoughts on occation but I am getting better at it with practice

One thing I will say though is it always amazes me that are taught maths, english etc but never about our mind and just how powerful it is. It has the power to make us sad, happy and every emotion in between so we should know how it works