Taylor
09-14-2011, 11:40 AM
Hi all, thanks for the support, kind words, and advice I've received here so far. I'd like to give an update on things lately (just within the last few days or week or so) as it helps my anxiety levels and feedback is always good.
For about a week I've been doing pretty well. No big anxiety attacks, sleeping better, and conquering any blips on the radar on my own with the help of TEA forms and a breathing/meditation guiding app on my iPhone. I have hardly felt, if any on some days, heart palpitations. I was getting PVCs (feels like your heart stops then beats extra to catch up) but they have gone down with better sleep and lower feelings of anxiety.
I have noticed that now my body is more into things than the perception in my mind. I was primariliy having anxious feelings in my head that were hard to get rid of. But the last couple of days I've had busy/stressful days at work and I've noticed a headache and my stomach clenched--I've never had the stomach clenching during normal anxiety. I see this is a good sign that I'm heading in the right direction of having physical stress, rather than going straight from being relaxed to being in anxiety mode. I'll continue dealing with the more "mental feeling" of anxiety (even though it is physical), and then take on the more tangible, stress-like feelings of my body. I haven't felt them before but I think they'll be easier to deal with and recognize.
Also, yesterday at work I was extremely stressed after a 1.5 hour phone call with someone at my job, where I had to re-write a lot of my work because we are transitioning between countries, and some information we have here is incorrect/outdated. Instead of going home to relax, I went to a book store (sort of relaxing), ate out, and then went to this thing called Theology on Tap (guest speakers at a bar) with a bunch of my friends--I do this monthly when the event happens. But it kept me stressed out and tired, and I had to go home and work on a few things and then sleep without really unwinding.
I woke up with a tense body, even though I slept well, and my heart was moving along at a pace I don't like; just a smidge too fast. Mentally I felt fine though. Then I got to work and started to rush to meet this deadline before the call with the person I talked to yesterday, and then all the sudden I was paralized with the more "mental feelings" that anxiety could bring. I guess I was physically wound up too tight, which makes sense with what forwells (kev) says. I took an Ativan; things weren't too bad but I had a lot to do this AM and didn't want to chance a bigger problem, but it took a long time to come on since I had just eaten, and I couldn't feel it come like I usually do. But I continued to sit there and let the anxiety come in, I didn't force it out like I used to.
The point of all this though is that, for the FIRST TIME since all these things have started happening to me in March, I had something on my mind causing me to really have problems. I am getting confirmed tonight (church service), and I have to go up there and to a profession of faith, then go to confession, then do a few more things, all by myself in front of a bunch of friends and family. And just the thought of that, and the thought of if I could keep it together tonight, was just brutal to me. But I was able to realize while I was sitting at my desk that right now, that doesn't matter; I can work on this bid now and wait until this evening for that. And even then, this evening is a HAPPY event for me, and if I say something wrong, fall over, even fart in the chapel (not an actual fear, just saying), all my friends and family will still be my friends and familiy.
That really helped release me from the coil and then I started to work again on the bid. A bit later the Ativan finally kicked in (I know when it kicks in fully because I get dry mouth) and has really helped. But I still feel like I had a big victory today and continue to be moving toward where I can deal with all these new events in my life better. In fact, tonight was something on my mind for several months, so knocking it out will hopefully be even better!
Anyway, that's it...thanks for listening all!
For about a week I've been doing pretty well. No big anxiety attacks, sleeping better, and conquering any blips on the radar on my own with the help of TEA forms and a breathing/meditation guiding app on my iPhone. I have hardly felt, if any on some days, heart palpitations. I was getting PVCs (feels like your heart stops then beats extra to catch up) but they have gone down with better sleep and lower feelings of anxiety.
I have noticed that now my body is more into things than the perception in my mind. I was primariliy having anxious feelings in my head that were hard to get rid of. But the last couple of days I've had busy/stressful days at work and I've noticed a headache and my stomach clenched--I've never had the stomach clenching during normal anxiety. I see this is a good sign that I'm heading in the right direction of having physical stress, rather than going straight from being relaxed to being in anxiety mode. I'll continue dealing with the more "mental feeling" of anxiety (even though it is physical), and then take on the more tangible, stress-like feelings of my body. I haven't felt them before but I think they'll be easier to deal with and recognize.
Also, yesterday at work I was extremely stressed after a 1.5 hour phone call with someone at my job, where I had to re-write a lot of my work because we are transitioning between countries, and some information we have here is incorrect/outdated. Instead of going home to relax, I went to a book store (sort of relaxing), ate out, and then went to this thing called Theology on Tap (guest speakers at a bar) with a bunch of my friends--I do this monthly when the event happens. But it kept me stressed out and tired, and I had to go home and work on a few things and then sleep without really unwinding.
I woke up with a tense body, even though I slept well, and my heart was moving along at a pace I don't like; just a smidge too fast. Mentally I felt fine though. Then I got to work and started to rush to meet this deadline before the call with the person I talked to yesterday, and then all the sudden I was paralized with the more "mental feelings" that anxiety could bring. I guess I was physically wound up too tight, which makes sense with what forwells (kev) says. I took an Ativan; things weren't too bad but I had a lot to do this AM and didn't want to chance a bigger problem, but it took a long time to come on since I had just eaten, and I couldn't feel it come like I usually do. But I continued to sit there and let the anxiety come in, I didn't force it out like I used to.
The point of all this though is that, for the FIRST TIME since all these things have started happening to me in March, I had something on my mind causing me to really have problems. I am getting confirmed tonight (church service), and I have to go up there and to a profession of faith, then go to confession, then do a few more things, all by myself in front of a bunch of friends and family. And just the thought of that, and the thought of if I could keep it together tonight, was just brutal to me. But I was able to realize while I was sitting at my desk that right now, that doesn't matter; I can work on this bid now and wait until this evening for that. And even then, this evening is a HAPPY event for me, and if I say something wrong, fall over, even fart in the chapel (not an actual fear, just saying), all my friends and family will still be my friends and familiy.
That really helped release me from the coil and then I started to work again on the bid. A bit later the Ativan finally kicked in (I know when it kicks in fully because I get dry mouth) and has really helped. But I still feel like I had a big victory today and continue to be moving toward where I can deal with all these new events in my life better. In fact, tonight was something on my mind for several months, so knocking it out will hopefully be even better!
Anyway, that's it...thanks for listening all!