Looking for people who understand!

[jenniferroxanne]

Hi there. My name is Jenny, and I'm really new to this whole forum thing so I'm hoping you all can bare with me. I've officially hit rock bottom with my anxiety and am desperately looking for people who can relate!.
So I guess I should start at the beginning.. My anxiety began with I was 14, before then you could say I was a "picture perfect" child. Straight A's, always shooting for better than the best, polite, kind, an over the top do gooder..and extremely shy. When my anxiety began we didn't know what it was, I was dizzy, sick, etc.. after multiple tests, cat scans, ekg's, blood work, you name it, I had it.. I was diagnosed. I'll skip most of the details..
At first I could cope with everything, EXCEPT school. I missed months and eventually in Grade 11, dropped out. Afterwards, there were things I could do and things I couldn't, days I could do things and days I couldn't. Eventually, i couldn't work. At 16 I met a boy and fell in love, and became insanely dependent on him. I couldn't leave his side. I had this obsessive feeling that if I was with him I was safe and if he left me my anxiety would go crazy. After a year and a half, my problems eventually drove him away. I have gotten so much worse in the last two years that I am out of ideas. It's been a gradual downfall. I've gained over a hundred pounds in two years, and the idea of going outside of my house is unmentionable!. I have severe anxiety, 24/7!. It never stops. i don't know where to start anymore.
I'm looking for advice, stories, even just general understanding from people who have been where I am. I appreciate anything you have to say. Thank you.

[Schatmeisje]

Hi Jenny and welcome to the forum ! I know just how you feel and have been exactly where you are and i am still working my way through it slowly but surely, one day at a time. My advice would be to start from scratch and have a fresh start, like i had to. I concentrated on getting comfortable in my home again as i had anxiety 24/7 too and wouldnt go outside for months at a time. It shard and it takes a long time, but you WILL get there. I had to start by walking just 1 house away which terrified me, and within 4 weeks i could walk a kilometre. Yes, i still have bad days and will have a few days in a row where i cant go out, but they are always followed by a good day, so try to remember that.
Dont even worry about putting on weight, (I have done that too ! LOL) but i have come to realise my weight is not my first priority at the moment, we can fix that later once we are more mobile and able to get out and about more, our priority is to work on ourselves and gettting out and managing anxiety.
If it helps, i found meditation helped me a fair bit just getting the 24/7 anxiety under control, and that it worked even better if i put an ice pack on my head while i did it (i dont know why, but it really seems to ork better when i do that) and there are loads of guided manxiety meditations on you tube of you wanted to give it a go.
I hope you find some useful information on this forum (i know i did!) and that you can start on your way to getting better :-)

[jenniferroxanne]

Thank you both. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how refreshing it is to hear from people who have been there. I can't say I've done an insane amount to help myself..I've tried therapy, but that only lasts about two or three sessions at a time before I once again can't leave my house to make it to appointments. I've been on effexor now, 150mg a day for about four years. I can't say whether it helps or not because I've never really dealt with anxiety without it. I have an obsessive fear of fainting, accompanied with another obsessive thought that my blood sugars are constantly dropping.. so for that reason I spend the majority of my time actually lying down and I eat constantly. I know looking at it from another point of view it seems foolish, but in my mind I've accepted it as normal and nessecary.