Taylor
09-08-2011, 08:04 AM
Hi guys,
Just venting a bit but I had been doing pretty well with anxiety. Last week during the week I really put in time with TEA forms (although only when I needed it, I need to get in the habit of doing them all the time, first thing in the AM) and breathing exercises. I also started to talk to a counselor to unpack a lot I've been dealing with the last year (I saw him yesterday and it's really interesting to have someone reframe your life in different perspectives for you). I had a three-day weekend with the holiday and I did great.
I also had several moments that would have caused me to lose it into anxiety or panic, such as a moment of happiness at work, a moment of anger and annoyance at some family, and then some nerviousness/anxiety due to getting a bone marrow biopsy Tuesday AM (I have leukemia and we were doing a 6-month checkup). Even though I had these emotions (including the pre-biopsy anxiety), I was actually pleased because I was feeling a wider range of emotions than usual instead of just automatically launching into anxiety. I even felt pure stress at work last week, but it felt great for the same reasons, it didn't launch me into anxiety.
After the biopsy though I was pretty worn out (they took a bit of bone out of my hip and I decided to go back to work) and sore and I had some flare-ups of anxiety that I easily suppressed.
Then yesterday I had a big moment of anxiety, where it was really fighting to come on after lunch--my heart beats faster after eating and sometimes I get palpitations. Usually if I get palpitations and anxiety at the same time, it's over for me and I'm going to go into extreme anxiety. But instead I sat at my desk for about an hour just doing breathing and meditating and TEA forms and finally it let up without a catastrophic event, which it felt like it might become. I counted this as a HUGE victory.
Last night though, I was really worn out from the anxiety that day and still from Tuesday AM's biopsy, so I decided to try to get into bed around 10 (a bit early for me) and catch up on some sleep so I could go to work early today. But a bit of anxiety and insomnia was playing off of each other and I couldn't fall asleep completely until 1AM, after I took an emergency Ativan; before that I was drifting in and out of a light sleep, woken by anxious feelings. It was so annoying; it was like I wasn't tired, and then this got me frustrated and worked up a bit, and then I felt hot and overly alert, which kept me up, which got me frustrated...and so goes the spiral. I was too tired to focus hard on breathing exercises and TEA forms as well.
Anyway, I felt like that was a pretty big defeat because although I didn't get a whole lot of the normal anxiety symptoms, except for irritable/restless and a weird feeling in my head (like my brain was cramping/ "going crosseyed"/into overdrive), I still just couldn't control it. I know I've only been doing treatments for a little bit over a week so it takes time, but it's just pretty annoying.
...and I'm done venting. I think I feel better already! Thanks for listening :)
Just venting a bit but I had been doing pretty well with anxiety. Last week during the week I really put in time with TEA forms (although only when I needed it, I need to get in the habit of doing them all the time, first thing in the AM) and breathing exercises. I also started to talk to a counselor to unpack a lot I've been dealing with the last year (I saw him yesterday and it's really interesting to have someone reframe your life in different perspectives for you). I had a three-day weekend with the holiday and I did great.
I also had several moments that would have caused me to lose it into anxiety or panic, such as a moment of happiness at work, a moment of anger and annoyance at some family, and then some nerviousness/anxiety due to getting a bone marrow biopsy Tuesday AM (I have leukemia and we were doing a 6-month checkup). Even though I had these emotions (including the pre-biopsy anxiety), I was actually pleased because I was feeling a wider range of emotions than usual instead of just automatically launching into anxiety. I even felt pure stress at work last week, but it felt great for the same reasons, it didn't launch me into anxiety.
After the biopsy though I was pretty worn out (they took a bit of bone out of my hip and I decided to go back to work) and sore and I had some flare-ups of anxiety that I easily suppressed.
Then yesterday I had a big moment of anxiety, where it was really fighting to come on after lunch--my heart beats faster after eating and sometimes I get palpitations. Usually if I get palpitations and anxiety at the same time, it's over for me and I'm going to go into extreme anxiety. But instead I sat at my desk for about an hour just doing breathing and meditating and TEA forms and finally it let up without a catastrophic event, which it felt like it might become. I counted this as a HUGE victory.
Last night though, I was really worn out from the anxiety that day and still from Tuesday AM's biopsy, so I decided to try to get into bed around 10 (a bit early for me) and catch up on some sleep so I could go to work early today. But a bit of anxiety and insomnia was playing off of each other and I couldn't fall asleep completely until 1AM, after I took an emergency Ativan; before that I was drifting in and out of a light sleep, woken by anxious feelings. It was so annoying; it was like I wasn't tired, and then this got me frustrated and worked up a bit, and then I felt hot and overly alert, which kept me up, which got me frustrated...and so goes the spiral. I was too tired to focus hard on breathing exercises and TEA forms as well.
Anyway, I felt like that was a pretty big defeat because although I didn't get a whole lot of the normal anxiety symptoms, except for irritable/restless and a weird feeling in my head (like my brain was cramping/ "going crosseyed"/into overdrive), I still just couldn't control it. I know I've only been doing treatments for a little bit over a week so it takes time, but it's just pretty annoying.
...and I'm done venting. I think I feel better already! Thanks for listening :)