does anyone know much on dependency anxiety?

[richy1991]

hey all
i have been suffering from anxiety for about 8 months now
over the last 3 weeks i have been great as if i was anxiety free, i actually felt like i had fully recoverd
however last night anxiety hit me again and for the only reason i could think of for it was that my brother was going back to school

i have came to think maybe i have a dependency problem
because i can recall a few times iv had anxiety, revolving around dependency

-my first anxiety problem was going to school, i had a dependency on my parents (age 4-11)
-my second anxiety problem was a fear of death of me and my family, so a depenency over them (age 7-11)
-my third anxiety problem was after spending a whole week (day and night) with my girlfriend and then her leaving for home, so a dependency on her leaving me (age 19)

these are the main three but since my latest problem i have had a few smaller prolems that bring my anxiety back such as

-going on holiday with my girlfriend, at the end her leaving to go home
-my family going on holiday
-my girlfriend going on holiday
-my brother going back to school

to me i feel like i have a dependency issue, i know iv'e been told to not try and find what causes my anxiety but to be honest i dont think my anxiety will go until i sort of the underlining problem of it

any advice would be much appreciated
thank you
richy

[kellyzac]

hiya, reading your post i get what you mean i get abit like that at times and im very aware not to depend on people to much else i think il depend on them forever! Have you tried counseling or anything like it to talk through your past maybe? I dont believe anxiety will go away until you have dealt with the underlying cause!

[richy1991]

hey kev

well tbh it confuses me because before my anxiety started 8/9 months ago, i was never like this, i loved being on my own, just chilling playing games etc
but when things like this happen i suppose i get a mild anxiety feeling and a deep sadness feeling, then i get a few physical symptoms like hotness, and short of breath (tbh the physical symptoms dont bother me)

letting go of anything is hard for me, i dont let anything go, even things that arnt to do with my anxiety as im stubborn

yeah my parents do alot for me, in fact even more since i had my initial anxiety attack

cheers
richy

[jessed03]

Hey Rich,

I actually suffered this majorly, still do in a way. I've managed to get it under control with good self talk, talking myself down from the situation, breathing through it. As my anxiety level decreased, this sort of decreased too thankfully. I still get strange bouts of sadness though when leaving something like class for the holiday, or when my brother comes back upstate, and the like, but I guess I just live with that, it's very trivial.

I suppose it depends where the roots lie. Do you feel as you won't be able to manage something? Or something will happen to you?

Some people put their happiness into certain people or events, and when those event's or people go, they're sort of left alone with their problems again. I'm not sure if it's the same thing, but during my recovery, my family would come over and spend a long weekend. We'd laugh, joke, eat, it was like old times, but when they left, it sort of felt empty, and I was left with my own mind again, and sort of briefly relived everything so that I was in my current situation, and that sort of illusion of recovery I was feeling subsided somewhat. For me, a change in events has always seemed to take me out a happier time, and leave me with that empty state.

As I say though, thankfully as I worked through depression an anxiety issues, that feeling is considerably reduced, and very rarely bothers me.

Did you have any stressful events in childhood that could have made you crave dependancy (you don't have to relieve them here of course)?

Or maybe it's something as simple as change heightening anxiety as it does for so many people?

All the best,
J