new here! need to vent, feeling lost

[PBYUM]

To start off I'm a female, 21 years old.
I can say my anxiety started about second year in high school. I started feeling really self conscious about myself, I hated school. Having conversations with people was so difficult, and having to speak infront of class was horror. My heart feels like its going to pop out, can't breathe, excessive sweating, blushing(like a bright red tomato), cracked voice, Stuttering, you name it I have it. I started to isolate myself from friends. I ended up being a loner basically. I would skip school to avoid having to talk to people. Getting out of bed was and is still a problem. I just want to sleep all day.
Till this day it's still the same situation. I thought It had gotten a little better in the last year, I I could have a simple coversation with someone without such a scene. Unless ofcourse this person was a stranger in the street, then I most likely panic and it all comes back.
Now it's all back. I hate it. I'm avoiding all social situations if possible . Feels like I'm in a hole I can't get out of, all alone. I want to live my life happy, but I feel like its passing me by. It gets me so depressed. I break out crying because of it. I'm in fear of always being judged and I don't feel like myself anymore. I want to be my old self again. I've been shy all my life but it never stopped me from making friends, speaking outloud, speaking infront of a crowd, or doing silly things.
Even if someone asks me a simple question it happens, and end up beating myself up over these situations over and over again non stop. Negative thoughts are always racing in my head! There has been times where I ask myself if I'm going crazy because of the thoughts :( . My body always feels tense, I can never seem to relax.

[jebnz]

Have you had any medical help?
I have just gone back onto Prozac and am going to see a psychologist. I also have constant tension, especially across the shoulders - just woke up because of it. I was always self-conscious in high school and hated doing speeches. Until recently I also felt very intimidated by adults (I'm now in my 40's!), particularly intelligent, opinionated people. I still feel uncomfortable in some social situations - I think it's called social anxiety. I usually manage to tell myself that it doesn't matter if not everyone likes me or if I say something stupid - after all most people I know have said stupid things at times and I don't decide I don't like them because of that.

[Anxiety beater]

Hi there - sounds like you've got into a vicious cycle of avoidance and panic. I think you need to get some support to start facing and staying in some of the situations that trigger your anxiety - although your anxiety and panic symptoms are horrible, they're not actually harmful, and the trouble is the more you fight them and avoid them, the worse they'll get - when we fight our anxiety we unwittingly empower it. If you can summon up the courage to stay in social situations, you'll find that your anxiety symptoms will eventually subside - even very severe panic symptoms are self-limiting. There are also lots of things you can do to tackle those negative thoughts -one of the best ways is to find an activity that you really enjoy, something you can get totally absorbed in, to occupy your mind more positively and creatively. If your mind is busy working on something creative, it won't have time to dwell on negative thoughts. You are not going crazy, you're just a normal person whose natural anxiety response has become abnormally sensitised to situations that shouldn't really make you fearful (we're actually designed to get anxious if we're really in peril - the anxiety response is one of our body's defense systems to help keep us safe). I'm sure you'll find lots of help and advice on this site - there are lots of things you can do to help yourself to overcome this problem, it's about finding what works for you. I wish you well and a speedy recovery. Don't give up!

[inescapable]

Wow, when I read your post I felt like I was reading my own diary. I experienced (and still experience) the same social anxiety. I too had no trouble making friends and gaining public approval, but inside I was screaming with anxiety until it came to a point in my late teens when it took over. I'm now 28 and finally getting help. I go to therapy which helps me try to change my negative or obsessive thoughts, and I am working on trying to be comfortable in my own skin when I'm in social situations. Medication is finally helping too. I take celexa, abilify and adivan or xanax when I can't bear the anxiety. My depression was also caused by my debilitating anxiety, hence the anti depressant which actually helps with my anxiety. Good luck in your pursuit of help and always know you're never alone.

[infear]

Anxiety Beater, I found your comment very inspiring. Thank you!