s-tman
09-02-2011, 11:56 AM
So I am 19 years old and looking to go to university next year which I'm pretty sure is going to be impossible with this crippling anxiety.
Basically I was fine growing up, never had anxiety really bad or anything like that. I then had anoerexia nervosa when I was about 12/13 and suffered really badly from that for about 6 months/1 year. I got over it pretty quickly in fact because I have quite a strong mind. Unfortunately I then developed anxiety, which I managed to overcome with a year of therapy and I was actually happy for a little while, say 5 years. My anxiety was on and off for the 5 years, but was 100% under control.
Unfortunately I took this good progress for granted, I started smoking Cannabis when I was 17/18 for around 6 months lightly (weekends) and then 8 months heavily (3.5g a day, 7g at weekends) until finally something had to give. I literally had like a meltdown, it was like someone had opened the door to my anxieties then threw away the key to door in which my anti-anxiety techniques were in. I literally felt like if I thought about it, I would have a panic attack which for some reason I was more scared of than dying. For some stupid reason, I carried on smoking after the meltdown, hoping that it was a phase that every smoker goes through (by this point I was completely emersed in the 'stoner' culture and mentality of peace, love and rock 'n' roll) until I said enough was enough on Dec 16th 2010 (break down was on 27th Sep 2010).
Then ensued the worst months of my life, I have never experienced anything worse. I wanted to cry everyday, I felt so nervous that I would throw up sometimes, I became completely paranoid about my anxiety, losing sight of the lines between anxious and normal. Life was hell. I have only recently started to come out of this state, I have gradually become better, slowly but surely.
I know what my anxieties are:
Becoming concious of breathing, the moment in time, my surroundings (not so much anymore), movements (walking), speaking - that kind of thing.
I just need to conquer them, I need to think positively, I need to change the way I think, I understand CBT.
Anyone else know how I can help myself?
Basically I was fine growing up, never had anxiety really bad or anything like that. I then had anoerexia nervosa when I was about 12/13 and suffered really badly from that for about 6 months/1 year. I got over it pretty quickly in fact because I have quite a strong mind. Unfortunately I then developed anxiety, which I managed to overcome with a year of therapy and I was actually happy for a little while, say 5 years. My anxiety was on and off for the 5 years, but was 100% under control.
Unfortunately I took this good progress for granted, I started smoking Cannabis when I was 17/18 for around 6 months lightly (weekends) and then 8 months heavily (3.5g a day, 7g at weekends) until finally something had to give. I literally had like a meltdown, it was like someone had opened the door to my anxieties then threw away the key to door in which my anti-anxiety techniques were in. I literally felt like if I thought about it, I would have a panic attack which for some reason I was more scared of than dying. For some stupid reason, I carried on smoking after the meltdown, hoping that it was a phase that every smoker goes through (by this point I was completely emersed in the 'stoner' culture and mentality of peace, love and rock 'n' roll) until I said enough was enough on Dec 16th 2010 (break down was on 27th Sep 2010).
Then ensued the worst months of my life, I have never experienced anything worse. I wanted to cry everyday, I felt so nervous that I would throw up sometimes, I became completely paranoid about my anxiety, losing sight of the lines between anxious and normal. Life was hell. I have only recently started to come out of this state, I have gradually become better, slowly but surely.
I know what my anxieties are:
Becoming concious of breathing, the moment in time, my surroundings (not so much anymore), movements (walking), speaking - that kind of thing.
I just need to conquer them, I need to think positively, I need to change the way I think, I understand CBT.
Anyone else know how I can help myself?