here goes the start of a (bright?) future..

[BYObass]

my name is paul, im 17, and i hate these problems.

i hate worrying about everything. worrying about worrying. worrying about actally having an anxiety problem.

i hate feeling like i'm a bystander to my own life.. like everything is surreal and i have no control.

i hate feeling like nothing. i hate laughing and not REALLY feeling like its ME laughing.

i hate thinking i'm losing my mind.

i hate being irritable.. feeling selfish... my mom being frustrated, calling me insane, attempting to mentally/physically get me "out of it"

i hate sounding like such a victim.

i hate complaining.

i hate annoying headaches, and pains, and things i can't even explain.

i hate feeling lost, and futureless. and like im going to die.

i hate dizzyness. and thinking i have diseases on top of diseases on top of diseases.

i hate saying i hate.

i hate asking for help.

but i am.

just advice...

i went to the psychiatrist today...and was prescribed cymbalta. because she feels that depression and anxiety have interfered with my functioning. after a variety of unnecessary ER visits, along with stopping certain activities, i have to agree.

is this the right move. i'm going to start the medication on friday. will it help? im already worried about that.

my name is paul, and i want to feel better.

[Auron]

Im 18...i know thats how i exactly felt.

but its kind of scary going to a psychiatrist and tell you that you need medecine...at least to me it gave me a relief and yet uncertainty...because relying on medecine isnt good, but nonetheless i needed it and it helped me improved most of my anxiety and depression...now adays thanks to that i can say that im about...80% cured.

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[ls]

Cymbalta is supposed to really help anxiety and depression. It may take a little time to work though.
Just hang in there..and remember to breathe.
When I have bad anxiety and worry, I meditate on a time where I did not have anxiety so bad. I think about how I felt, what I was wearing. I also remember that I can feel like that again.

I think you are on the road to recovery just by seeing the psychiatrist.
Hope this helps.

[BYObass]

thanks. both of you. this is morning of day 1 of cmbalya...

feeling worse,. but thats to be expected.

my "depersonalization" is definitely the worst of it. a have the aches and pains still, but that feeling of losing your mind/having no control/observing your own life really gets to you.

i will definitely try to remember back to feeling normal. lots of good memories. but then i get slightly scared... of not feeling that way again. and sad about getting to feel that way before.. feeling normal. and almost cry... o what a strange thing the mind is.

i'll keep posting, and thanks for any and all advice.