s-tman
08-25-2011, 11:07 AM
I am not looking for sympathy or attention, but this is something I thought may be helpful for anxiety sufferers contemplating using cannabis.
Lets start at the beginning. I developed anoerexia nervosa when I was around 12 years old and suffered through it for about a year when I decided enough was enough and overcame it without much hassle. It wasn't as simple as I thought as it led to me developing GAD (as you will all know Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and suffering with that for around the next 4 years on and off. It was only bad for around 6 months, then I managed to control it and just led a normal life with it cropping up around twice a year for 1/2/3 weeks at a time usually. My anxiety would be about me thinking, thinking about trivial things like breathing, playing football, sleeping, vision, its not an extensive list but still, it affected me.
Now we arrive at our story. I had just started my second year of college and had been hanging around the SAME friends I had always hung around with, throughout childhood, school and college. I had always wanted to try Cannabis but never knew anyone that did it. I was one day browsing the internet and was watching a documentary about Cannabis and something clicked in my head, "I want to try it!" Maybe a bit brainwashed, but very logical in my decision to seek it out and smoke some. So it became apparent to me and my best friend at the time (also a first time user) that some of our friends at college could get it, so we had a gathering at his house (his parents were on holiday) and had a smoke session. I loved it, I thought 'finally something for me' seeing as I didn't smoke cigerettes or drink alcohol (I did drink, but only special occasions and didn't particularly enjoy it).
Lets shorten this down a bit, I then became more frequent with my usage and by 6 months I was smoking around 2-3g everyday. For anyone not sure of how much that is, its roughly 2-5 spliffs, depending on how the Cannabis grinds out and how much tobacco you use. On weekends I would smoke 7g which is basically, roll one, smoke one. All day. Now that I'm writing this and looking back I never really realised how bad that is, but anyway. I kept up this heavy usage for 6 months (spending roughly £500-£600 a month!) until, what I believe to be, a mental meltdown.
It was when my parents were out of town and I had some friends over, smoke some Cannabis and watch a few films. I would like to make clear we were never irresponsible with Cannabis, we didn't take other drugs and I didn't drink alcohol when I smoked. It was the afternoon and I remember my anxiety creeping up on me. I thought 'oh great, my anxiety again, I'll just defeat it as usual' But something was wrong. This unholy sense of panic gripping me, I couldn't shift the thought, I was panicing, my breathing became fast and uneasy, what I now know to be paranoid thoughts gripped me tightly. I remember I thought about it all day, I couldn't stop thinking. I ended up being physically sick 3 times that night and my arms/hands going numb. I have never been that scared in my life, my mind thought I was going to die... for 8 hours!
The weeks after, I carried on smoking Cannabis with the anxiety getting worse but I thought it was just a phase. 3 Months past and now I was getting to the point where my life was unbearable, I finally quit Cannabis and have not touched it since. I thought I would be fine after that, its now nearly 9 months and I'm still not over it, I still get paranoid thoughts and crippling anxiety, so bad I don't want to do anything, just sit still and watch TV or whatever. This is undoubtedly the worse time of my life and this is to deter anybody thinking its a good idea.
If you have anxiety, don't. Once you get paranoia, it is virtually impossible to control the anxiety so therefore it just gets worse and worse. I am 19 years old and have lost 9 months of my life I should have been living, mistakes make us stronger but this one was so fucking stupid I will never forgive myself.
It's your life so make your own choices, but this is a warning and take it on board. Cannabis is fine for strong minded people and a wonderful substance but not people with anxiety. The thing most unsettling is that its being sold over the counter for people with anxiety in America when it will do no good for them.
Lets start at the beginning. I developed anoerexia nervosa when I was around 12 years old and suffered through it for about a year when I decided enough was enough and overcame it without much hassle. It wasn't as simple as I thought as it led to me developing GAD (as you will all know Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and suffering with that for around the next 4 years on and off. It was only bad for around 6 months, then I managed to control it and just led a normal life with it cropping up around twice a year for 1/2/3 weeks at a time usually. My anxiety would be about me thinking, thinking about trivial things like breathing, playing football, sleeping, vision, its not an extensive list but still, it affected me.
Now we arrive at our story. I had just started my second year of college and had been hanging around the SAME friends I had always hung around with, throughout childhood, school and college. I had always wanted to try Cannabis but never knew anyone that did it. I was one day browsing the internet and was watching a documentary about Cannabis and something clicked in my head, "I want to try it!" Maybe a bit brainwashed, but very logical in my decision to seek it out and smoke some. So it became apparent to me and my best friend at the time (also a first time user) that some of our friends at college could get it, so we had a gathering at his house (his parents were on holiday) and had a smoke session. I loved it, I thought 'finally something for me' seeing as I didn't smoke cigerettes or drink alcohol (I did drink, but only special occasions and didn't particularly enjoy it).
Lets shorten this down a bit, I then became more frequent with my usage and by 6 months I was smoking around 2-3g everyday. For anyone not sure of how much that is, its roughly 2-5 spliffs, depending on how the Cannabis grinds out and how much tobacco you use. On weekends I would smoke 7g which is basically, roll one, smoke one. All day. Now that I'm writing this and looking back I never really realised how bad that is, but anyway. I kept up this heavy usage for 6 months (spending roughly £500-£600 a month!) until, what I believe to be, a mental meltdown.
It was when my parents were out of town and I had some friends over, smoke some Cannabis and watch a few films. I would like to make clear we were never irresponsible with Cannabis, we didn't take other drugs and I didn't drink alcohol when I smoked. It was the afternoon and I remember my anxiety creeping up on me. I thought 'oh great, my anxiety again, I'll just defeat it as usual' But something was wrong. This unholy sense of panic gripping me, I couldn't shift the thought, I was panicing, my breathing became fast and uneasy, what I now know to be paranoid thoughts gripped me tightly. I remember I thought about it all day, I couldn't stop thinking. I ended up being physically sick 3 times that night and my arms/hands going numb. I have never been that scared in my life, my mind thought I was going to die... for 8 hours!
The weeks after, I carried on smoking Cannabis with the anxiety getting worse but I thought it was just a phase. 3 Months past and now I was getting to the point where my life was unbearable, I finally quit Cannabis and have not touched it since. I thought I would be fine after that, its now nearly 9 months and I'm still not over it, I still get paranoid thoughts and crippling anxiety, so bad I don't want to do anything, just sit still and watch TV or whatever. This is undoubtedly the worse time of my life and this is to deter anybody thinking its a good idea.
If you have anxiety, don't. Once you get paranoia, it is virtually impossible to control the anxiety so therefore it just gets worse and worse. I am 19 years old and have lost 9 months of my life I should have been living, mistakes make us stronger but this one was so fucking stupid I will never forgive myself.
It's your life so make your own choices, but this is a warning and take it on board. Cannabis is fine for strong minded people and a wonderful substance but not people with anxiety. The thing most unsettling is that its being sold over the counter for people with anxiety in America when it will do no good for them.