Taylor
08-24-2011, 11:57 AM
Hi all,
My name is Taylor and I'm 25 as of two days ago. I've been through a pretty busy year. I'm not trying to write a novel, but I'm just trying to get it all out!
On January 31st I was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). I was in the hospital for eight days while they were trying to run tests to confirm (we had an ice storm so pathology couldn't get out), and then two days later on the 10th of February I started my first real job. I got engaged on March 20th, and the wedding is coming up quickly on November 12th of this year. I'm also converting to Catholicism (not because of my fiancee or anything) and the process will be done soon, but it's been a long process that I'd hoped was going to be over with quickly. The priest who is in charge of me also had to leave two weeks ago so I'm picking up with another priest. Also, my dad is going through a divorce. And, I am about $90,000 in debt due to student loans and medical bills (medical bills are the bulk). The medicine I'm on is treating the leukemia amazingly well, yet a potential side effect known as "sudden death" can rarely occur; I am clear of this but it has been something in the back of my mind that I've only recently gotten over.
A little history of my anxiety. When I was in the 3rd grade, I had panic attacks when it was "quiet time" at lunch that lasted a few weeks. And then in 10th or 11th grade I had some panic attacks when I was in the band room--we had 150 people in the band and my section sat in the middle. This lasted a week, during which I was put on a trial pack of paxil. Whether that helped or not, I had no problems until recently.
I've always been a very laid back and easy going person, very phlegmatic. Anyway, I was going to propose to my fiance on March 19th, but the weather didn't work out, so I decided to do it the next day. I woke up, had a nice hot shower and a big cup of coffee, without eating because we were going to go to the park and have breakfast. But as I was driving I felt weird, and when I got to her apartment I started to feel very strange, and suddenly I felt faint and my heart rate shot up. I jumped up and ran, then fell on the ground telling her to call 911, then I started shaking and dry heaving. I thought I was having the "sudden death" thing happen. I went to the ER but everything was fine. About three weeks later of no problems, I had had a cup or two of coffee in the evening--I'm not a strange of caffeine; before my diagnosis I was drinking three cups a day to fight the fatigue--then I was woken up by a loud text message on the phone (I had forgotten to turn it to silent). I was disoriented and then as I laid back down I had the same thing happen, and I was up all night with a high heart rate.
Anyway, during the days I was usually fine, but I started to wake up in the middle of the night, either with insomnia (can be caused by the meds), or with a racing heart. Once it was racing so fast I thought I was having another problem, so I called an ambulance. I decided to ask my oncologist for some Ativan to use as needed, since anxiety is common in cancer patients. In June I finally took a pill because three evenings in a row I was having some anxiety, and on the third night I seriously thought I was losing my mind because feelings were just out of control. It helped calm me down and I had been pretty good since. I was sleeping better, and I could forgo panic attacks, and if I had a bout of anxiety I was doing great on breathing to calm it down. I hadn't really had any palpitations or PVCs in the last two or three weeks either.
Then yesterday at work I got some great news about some lab results, and I guess I just got kind of keyed up there and I didn't realize what was happening--good news shouldn't make you go into panic mode, right?. Eventually my heart was pouding and my head started to hurt, and I couldn't think clearly to try to take an Ativan (which I don't like to do, I took one another time to try to help me sleep and I felt like it made me a bit more anxious), and I thought I was having chest pains for the first time, so I went to my car in the parking lot and called an ambulance. I ended up going home and I took today off.
Needless to say, I realized I need help! Other than an obvious point of excitement yesterday, I can't find any triggers to my anxiety. I'm fine alone, or in groups; at work or at a party. I have to deal with people on the phone that I've never met and I don't have any problems with that. But sometimes I'll be doing some work quietly (I have to write a lot for my job), and looking at something and I just feel that feeling closing in on me. I have to sit back and say, "What, why is this coming on now, I'm just looking at my friend's facebook pics!" and do some breathing to get it to subside. It's very frustrated, but I've contacted a counselor and hope to start meeting to see what I can do to help myself. I also thought I would try to get on some discussion boards too and see if I can get support as well as give it, the best that I can.
So, sorry for the long post. Hi all!
My name is Taylor and I'm 25 as of two days ago. I've been through a pretty busy year. I'm not trying to write a novel, but I'm just trying to get it all out!
On January 31st I was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). I was in the hospital for eight days while they were trying to run tests to confirm (we had an ice storm so pathology couldn't get out), and then two days later on the 10th of February I started my first real job. I got engaged on March 20th, and the wedding is coming up quickly on November 12th of this year. I'm also converting to Catholicism (not because of my fiancee or anything) and the process will be done soon, but it's been a long process that I'd hoped was going to be over with quickly. The priest who is in charge of me also had to leave two weeks ago so I'm picking up with another priest. Also, my dad is going through a divorce. And, I am about $90,000 in debt due to student loans and medical bills (medical bills are the bulk). The medicine I'm on is treating the leukemia amazingly well, yet a potential side effect known as "sudden death" can rarely occur; I am clear of this but it has been something in the back of my mind that I've only recently gotten over.
A little history of my anxiety. When I was in the 3rd grade, I had panic attacks when it was "quiet time" at lunch that lasted a few weeks. And then in 10th or 11th grade I had some panic attacks when I was in the band room--we had 150 people in the band and my section sat in the middle. This lasted a week, during which I was put on a trial pack of paxil. Whether that helped or not, I had no problems until recently.
I've always been a very laid back and easy going person, very phlegmatic. Anyway, I was going to propose to my fiance on March 19th, but the weather didn't work out, so I decided to do it the next day. I woke up, had a nice hot shower and a big cup of coffee, without eating because we were going to go to the park and have breakfast. But as I was driving I felt weird, and when I got to her apartment I started to feel very strange, and suddenly I felt faint and my heart rate shot up. I jumped up and ran, then fell on the ground telling her to call 911, then I started shaking and dry heaving. I thought I was having the "sudden death" thing happen. I went to the ER but everything was fine. About three weeks later of no problems, I had had a cup or two of coffee in the evening--I'm not a strange of caffeine; before my diagnosis I was drinking three cups a day to fight the fatigue--then I was woken up by a loud text message on the phone (I had forgotten to turn it to silent). I was disoriented and then as I laid back down I had the same thing happen, and I was up all night with a high heart rate.
Anyway, during the days I was usually fine, but I started to wake up in the middle of the night, either with insomnia (can be caused by the meds), or with a racing heart. Once it was racing so fast I thought I was having another problem, so I called an ambulance. I decided to ask my oncologist for some Ativan to use as needed, since anxiety is common in cancer patients. In June I finally took a pill because three evenings in a row I was having some anxiety, and on the third night I seriously thought I was losing my mind because feelings were just out of control. It helped calm me down and I had been pretty good since. I was sleeping better, and I could forgo panic attacks, and if I had a bout of anxiety I was doing great on breathing to calm it down. I hadn't really had any palpitations or PVCs in the last two or three weeks either.
Then yesterday at work I got some great news about some lab results, and I guess I just got kind of keyed up there and I didn't realize what was happening--good news shouldn't make you go into panic mode, right?. Eventually my heart was pouding and my head started to hurt, and I couldn't think clearly to try to take an Ativan (which I don't like to do, I took one another time to try to help me sleep and I felt like it made me a bit more anxious), and I thought I was having chest pains for the first time, so I went to my car in the parking lot and called an ambulance. I ended up going home and I took today off.
Needless to say, I realized I need help! Other than an obvious point of excitement yesterday, I can't find any triggers to my anxiety. I'm fine alone, or in groups; at work or at a party. I have to deal with people on the phone that I've never met and I don't have any problems with that. But sometimes I'll be doing some work quietly (I have to write a lot for my job), and looking at something and I just feel that feeling closing in on me. I have to sit back and say, "What, why is this coming on now, I'm just looking at my friend's facebook pics!" and do some breathing to get it to subside. It's very frustrated, but I've contacted a counselor and hope to start meeting to see what I can do to help myself. I also thought I would try to get on some discussion boards too and see if I can get support as well as give it, the best that I can.
So, sorry for the long post. Hi all!