Anyone bipolar who can help shed some light?

[Marlow]

Well, if you read my older post's you will get a little introduction from me but Im gonna go to my fears of having bipolar.

I had my first depressive bout when I was 16 after me and my girlfriend broke up. We didnt have sex, I was a little afraid but I loved her. Before I was outgoing and confident and after I was in the dumps and couldnt see anything good. My school work suffered tremendously and things weren't looking up.

I got out of it and things started looking up. I did well in school again and had a new girlfriend. I was doing very well and was very productive. I didnt drink at all but I often went to parties. I didnt smoke either after I had a panic attack that started my depression earlier.

Flash forward to freshman year of college:

I started drinking and smoking again and the anxiety returned along with depression. I did terrible in school again with a lack of concentration. I failed almost all my classes and was afraid to leave my room.

The next year, I got my life on track and made straight A's. I thought I was turning my life around. The thing was, I became a jerk, I started getting on my friends cases about not being as productive as me. I wasnt drinking excessively just when I had time. I wouldn't get out of control and I was getting a perfect 8 hours a night, with a couple exceptions. I was REALLY happy. I wondered how I could be so happy after being so depressed and bipolar came up. I felt like I had experienced these symptoms before but the manic did not fit me. When I was happy, I was arrogant and thought that I could do better then some of my friends but I wasnt spending alot, I save most my money, I wasn't doing risky things or doing drugs. I was just in a really good mood. Although coffee I drank but cant anymore since I am back In an anxious depressed phase.

I was wondering if its just a phase of depression or am I going to go insane and cut off my ear or something?

I know that thats not what Bipolar means that your "insane" I am just a nervous wreck and need someone who can help me out. Please help me

Marlow

[jessed03]

Bipolar really is about the manic symptoms. They are what doctors base their diagnose on, as it's what seperates it from normal depression. Even if you weren't spending, did you ever have an gradious ideas about yourself as a person, that you were some how special in a different way, could bless the world like no one else could? Did you ever experience moments in your life of very bad agitation, sort of being unable to stand anything, getting severely angry for long periods of time, and very uncomfortable in any situation? Have you had any lows where living itself was painful? That you felt so hopeless, and so in pain, that you just didn't want to carry on living?

http://counsellingresource.com/lib/quizzes/bipolar-testing/bipolar-test/

Thats a good test from a psychological society. It's to be answered about life in general, not really about specific days.

All the best,
J

[Marlow]

Well, I have always wanted to be a pilot and with the absence of depression or anxiety I was making steps to become one but I was worried that my anxiety would set in. I still had some anxieties but in a functional way. I may have had a mixed episode followed by depression because I felt really guilty and had numerous panic attacks and was to a point I couldent leave my room. I have been clawing my way back up but Its alot different then how I felt a year ago. I was so happy and got things done and was productive. Im just so scared that I may be BP...

Marlow

[jessed03]

From your replies Marlow, you seem well below the thresholds of what would constitute a bipolar disorder. Your life seems to lack any significant sign that would be a cause for major worry. Anxiety itself can feel like bipolar, it can cause very manic states at times, as well as some crippling lows. It can also cause massive changes in self esteem and personal image. When coupled with depression it can often seem a rollercoaster ride until proper treatment has been taken.

Do people every comment on your behaviour? Do you ever find yourself over talkative? Or so motivated you feel you can accomplish anything? Do you notice anything rythmic happening? Do you experience stages of great productivity, only to somewhere down the line give up and not care about a thing?

Having known many people to suffer from it, including my mother, it is pretty easy for people to tell something is up, and I'd be suprised that if you had it, people wouldn't have made comments of some sort regarding your behaviour.

I think it would help greatly to talk to your doctor, or therapist, as they will be able to say for certain based on far more evidence and training than people on here have. It also sounds like you have a bad anxiety problem that you need to get in check, and maybe some depression too. Hopefully then you'll be able to get some stability. I think many people with anxiety/depression experience lives very similar to yours.

Hopefully a check up will put your mind at rest too, and allow you to move on with things.

[Marlow]

well, I was a little bit more interested in social situations my freshman year, but I was also depressed and didnt care about school. I was in threat of getting kicked out so I was super on top of things and made the deans list last fall and did pretty well in the spring. I was kind of an ass to my friends though and they called me "rust" when I wanted to party and "dust" when I was a stiff. Idk if thats noticing a change but my parents saw me as maturing and getting on top of things untill this summer.

I talked to a therapist and voiced my concern but she diagnosed me GAD. I told her about how I think I may be bipolar but she didnt see it either. I just feel so down compared to how I felt last fall and I feel like it is cyclical

Marlow

[jessed03]

I think it's positive that your therapist thinks it's nothing, and from what you've said, it really doesn't sound like biploar at all :). Anxiety over time can be worked on, whereas a life on mood stabilizers dealing with bipolar can be really rough.

Apologies for playing amateur detective, I'm just thinking of various causes and symptoms of stuff, and seeing if anything rings a bell.

How's therapy going anyway. Feel like you're getting anywhere with it? Maybe even a dose of anti-depressant is worth a consideration? To have to deal with anxiety and depression together can feel like an avalanche at times, and when you get relief from one, the other can knock you over. It depends how much it's affecting your life?

J

[Marlow]

I am on an anti-depressant now, but I cant shake how different I feel I guess. I felt better today when I got up and did some productive things. I think maybe just being on top of things made me feel good as opposed to my mood making me productive. It may be the opposite effect and I just need to get into a better swing of things. It was going well, I had to stop because I am back at school now. So far so good but Im afraid I will get down again and not be able to do my work... still the worry is with me I guess.

Marlow

[jessed03]

I found routine MASSIVE in helping any recovery I made. Just as important, if not more than the anti-depressant I took. When I had no routine, panic attacks where regular, I had fluctuating levels of productivity, spent lots of time alone, once I made a routine that included 30minutes of daily sunshine and exercising, 20 minutes of relaxation or meditation, and 30 minutes spent around people in conversation, I felt a lot of my problems become less prominent, and noticed my body started to do things more naturally.

If you still get bout's of depression or anxiety that make it hard to function, and you're eating well, sleeping well, exercising and socializing, maybe the dose needs increasing slightly. Sometimes we just have a lack of certain chemicals that we need to concentrate or feel normal, if we aren't getting it, loadsa problems seem to occur. Just a possibility.

Perhaps your school would be able to help if you told them your problem, if you miss a deadline, or fall behind, maybe they'd make some allowances to help you out just incase in future you go through a rough patch. Life and moods can really fluctuate when depression and anxiety aren't totally under control, and sometimes we let our guard down, and slack off, and they creep back in again.

J