my wife's anxiety is crippling and I dont know what to do!

[GlennRobinson]

Hello! I'm new to this forum!
My wife has had a long history of emetaphobia (a fear of vomiting). When we first met she was on zoloft and only had a few small panic attacks a week that only last a few minutes or so. Going out with friends and sometimes family has always been an issue. She's been off of zoloft for almost a year now. In June we went out with her friends for her birthday and she felt like she was really going to be sick. Ever since that night, her panic attacks have increased to a whole new level! She does not sleep much, eat, or drive. She's constantly shaking and breathing abnormally. She started back on zoloft 4 days ago. The panic attacks are actually getting worse. I know the first few weeks of zoloft can have a negative affect on your body. She has taken the whole week off of work and I'm not sure when she'll go back. On top of this, my own anxiety has been increasing, so I have to deal with going to work, coming home taking care of her, not sleeping, i feel too guilty going out with my friends. Her mother told her that she's weak and burdening everybody and that she's going to lose me. Now she's checking into a hotel because she doesnt want to burden me. I am very very stressed out about all of this! I do not know how to handle any of this.

[yujiaog]

Did she see a psy doctor ? your wife is very considerate. And her mom ...... You should relax, not turn one patient to two, that is important.

[GlennRobinson]

Yes she's been going once a week for almost a month now. She's doing all the right things, I just wish she wouldn't listen to her mother. I try really hard to not show her that I'm also anxious because I know that won't do any good at all. It's just tough to see her like this!

[yujiaog]

how about hospitalize? It might not be a good choice, but might help also.

[Schatmeisje]

oh, your poor wife, and you are in a hard situation also :-( I have been where she is at, and did manage to come through the other side, no, i am not cured, but i have good days and bad days, and now i can contribute to the household, i am feeling much better and dont feel like a burden on my partner so much. These things take time, so just let her know you are there for her, and dont try and rush things. The worse thing i did was try too hard to get better to quickly, and i ended up making myself so much worse, now i have finally learn to take my time, and take the good with the bad and stop presssuring myself to get better.
My mum also used to say all the wrong things to me like 'what if your partner leaves' or if was out somewhere having a panic attack she would freak out and smother me and make it all ten times worse. Perhaps her mum just doesnt understand what is going on, a lot of people dont understand unless they have known someone with a disorder before. I had to actually sit down with my mum, and show her information, and even let her come along to one of my psychologist appointments, before she understodd, and now she is fabulous at helping me when i need it, and also encouraging me. perhaps this would be an option if her mother would be willing to go along to one of her therapy sessions with her?
I applaud you for sticking by her, and epecially as it is making you stressed at the same time, maybe you could have a talk to her and reassure her that you want her to be at home and just let her know that you are there for her.
I know it doesnt feel like it at the moment, but things will get better for you both, it just takes time. Six weeks ago i was too afraid to even have a shower and hadnt been outside in 4 weeks, now i can go for a small walk each day and see improvement each day 9even if it is small), so just remember there is hope.

Good luck xxxxx