What is wrong with me?

[l8nitefistfight]

I am so SICK of living with this disease. I am 25 years old, and diagnosed as bipolar with anxiety disorder. I suffer from daily panic attacks. I am actually experincing one now, and that's why I joined this forum. I have no one that can relate to what I am dealing with. My boyfriend has been supportive, but I can tell he is sick of it. I have a new baby that I need to be strong for. I feel like my chest is tight, and I can't get a deep breath. I feel like there is water or fluid in my brain, and I will touch my scalp thinking it's soaking wet, and there's nothing on the outside. I feel dizzy. I have tunnel vision. I hyperventilate. I feel awful inside. I feel ashamed. I feel desperate. I have tried medication..SEVERAL TIMES. All that happened was I developed a nearly deadly addiction to xanax. I have tried talk therapy, and I find myself unable to relate to the therapists because I feel too screwed up inside. Why can't I breathe right? Why am I like this constantly? I always feel this terrible panicky feeling, and I wonder everytime, is there something seriously wrong, or am I just panicking again. I need a support group of others that feel like me. Desperate. Alone. And gasping for a full breath of air.

[marsgirl]

Dear latenightfistfight (sorry for incorrect spelling but name is so long!) - I feel for you as on and off I feel exactly the same. My husband was supportive but i can tell he is sick of hearing it too. I have 2 young kids to look after and want to be strong for them and myself as I love them more than anything, but sometimes I FEEL SO HOPELESS AND HELPLESS it's like my life is spiralling out-of-control, even though there is no logical reason for it. Sometimes I truly feel on the verge of insanity...how can we help each other?? Cheers, Marsgirl

[AmyC]

I am so SICK of living with this disease. I am 25 years old, and diagnosed as bipolar with anxiety disorder. I suffer from daily panic attacks. I am actually experincing one now, and that's why I joined this forum. I have no one that can relate to what I am dealing with. My boyfriend has been supportive, but I can tell he is sick of it. I have a new baby that I need to be strong for. I feel like my chest is tight, and I can't get a deep breath. I feel like there is water or fluid in my brain, and I will touch my scalp thinking it's soaking wet, and there's nothing on the outside. I feel dizzy. I have tunnel vision. I hyperventilate. I feel awful inside. I feel ashamed. I feel desperate. I have tried medication..SEVERAL TIMES. All that happened was I developed a nearly deadly addiction to xanax. I have tried talk therapy, and I find myself unable to relate to the therapists because I feel too screwed up inside. Why can't I breathe right? Why am I like this constantly? I always feel this terrible panicky feeling, and I wonder everytime, is there something seriously wrong, or am I just panicking again. I need a support group of others that feel like me. Desperate. Alone. And gasping for a full breath of air.

I am in the same position as you. I dread life. I'm so tired of being afraid. I want to crawl out of my own skin. I've been to therapy, tried what seems like thousands of different medications, (to which I've also dangerously become addicted to) My biggest fear is hurting someone physically. For no reason. Anyone at anytime. And I'm terrified. I have been researching online and found a site that has whats called the panic puzzle program. I think I'm going to give it a shot. I'm desperate.

[hypnotherapylondonclinic]

It has to be so draining to constantly have your energy sucked into powering the anxiety.

[marsgirl]

Hi AmyC - I saw that link for PUZZLE PROGRAM too---but maybe we shld focus on trying to help each other out and trying CBT before spendings heaps of money on something we know very littel about and may not work?/. Just an idea...