Hi, Im Garry....

[Garry]

And i think i have finally accepted i may have a problem and need to seek guidance.

I didn't notice there was a welcome thread so i do apologize in advance but i have explained my whole situation under this thread:

"Anxiety - Need some guidance!" Under the general discussions thread.

I am 23 and have recently had a lot to deal with and felt like my plate has been completely full - Moving back in with my mum, starting a new job (shift work) and meeting a new girl, all of which are quite big life changes and commitments with different levels of emotion to which my mind has gone into overload and i realized that over the past few years i may have developed or always had an anxiety disorder - i say realized as while looking through the symptoms i was able to tick quite a few of the boxes but always thought (at the time) this was due to lack of sleep or not enough food, but the lack of sleep was due to the anxiety and i do eat really well as i keep active and go to the gym 3 times a week with a clean diet.

So hello! to everyone on the forum - looking to find people on the same level as i haven't had the chance to speak to like minded people yet and i think it will definately help :)

[marsgirl]

Hi Garry, I am marsgirl and new to this forum too - just joined now! I have read your bio quickly and can sooo relate to what you say...although I am older (46yrs), but I have felt that way since I was about yr age, easily excitable and nervous, feeling restless, impatient, anxious, etc, etc, ---it's a horrible feeling and it comes and goes, so I thought I'd join this forum and see if we can help each other by talking it through...so what have you done about it so far?? Have you sough medical help or tried to fix the problem yourself?

[Garry]

Hello marsgirl! although i am brand new to this too - welcome! :)

Firstly, i know its a horrible situation to be in, but its extremely reassuring to know that there are people out there that can relate to the same kind of scenarios that you have been, and are, going through.

And of course, i can relate and i know exactly how you feel and its almost uncontrollable. I often explain it to myself as the wave of emotions; for example when its at the peak i am literally on top, when it reaches ground zero i am literally on the ground, but when it levels out... its pretty smooth!

Unfortunately its extremely inconsistent and i never really know where i stand with it, so 9 times out of 10 it will catch me off guard leaving me in a constant state of panic as i never know whats around the next corner and i work myself into a pit of distress waiting for the next episode - bad times!

I have always been very strong minded (or... stubborn! haha) and even if i have a deathly cold i always ride it out and never seek medical attention, so with regards to the anxiety and the obsessive thoughts i have been reading a book called "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies" - you can find this on amazon or i can scan it in and send you a copy as it touches on the following things plus more:

* Turn negative thoughts into positive action
* Regain your sense of perspective
* Break the spiral of anxiety and depression
* Use all techniques in the real world
* Treat phobias and eating problems

I like to think i can slowly cure myself over time which would be the biggest achievement i could gain - last option would be to seek medical help, but it wouldn't be cause i have given up, and i know everyone is different and on completely different levels, but simply cause i would have tried every other option.

What about yourself? have you tried any self help or spoken to a professional?

Also, message me if you think this book may be of interest to you :)

Thank you for replying - sorry for the rant! - get carried away sometimes.

[marsgirl]

Hi Garry,

Nice to hear from you. I can soooooooooo related to what you say!! Just like you I can be really on TOP!! - and feel so happy, so free, so confident, so fantastic - but when I am DOWN it sure hits GROUND ZERO WITH A MAJOR THUD!! It's the most horrible feeling in the world....inbetween, as you say "its pretty smooth! So sometimes I feel I have no problem but when I things go hay-wire I realise that deep-down I do infact have a problem dealing with ANXIETY and DEPRESSION. And like you, it's inconsistent and I never know when it will strike. Sometimes it can be things that go wrong, such as if I make a mistake and have to deal with it or for some reason I feel in-adequte. And then things seem to fall apart at the seams.

I am soooo grateful for your advice and I will buy that book on CBT as that is the path I want to take in OVERCOMING my problem, thank you so much for bringing my attention. I am here for you if you want to talk and maybe we can work through the book together?? I can buy it (would not expect you to scan it through as that wld take for-ever but thanks for offering!! very kind of you...)

I am just so relieved to meet some-one on a similar path to me that I feel I can talk to and I really hope we can help each other.

I just posted a bit about myself in another post....at risk of typing it all again is it ok if I just copy it here?! Saves me typing all about myself again but at least you will know where I am coming from...will find it now.
Thanks for yr help, it is much appreciated. Cheers, MARSGIRL

[marsgirl]

Hi Garry,

Here was my post:
Hiya - I'm new, want to introduce myself!



Hi all, I'm Marsgirl..I am a married housewife with 2 adorable young children. I also worked casually as a Multimedia Teacher at a local college so like to keep myself busy and stimulated (but to tend to get stressed if things are not going perfectly). I have been diagnosed as suffering from Anxiety and Depression with OCD tendencies (perfectionism), so am aware of my tendencies and have seen psychiatrists and pychologist in the past. However, I really thought I had overcome many of my problems, yet am so down to find I am feeling anxious and un-confident lately...decidede to have some affirmative action and seek help through this form, hopefully I can contribute too. Look forward to some interesting and helpful chats.

Best,
Marsgirl x

[marsgirl]

Hi Garry again!
Apologies if you have read this post...but a bit about my background so that we can understand where each other comes from...
Hi Stevo and Robbed,
Robbed - I totally agree with you. I feel social anxiety on occassion (even though outwardly ppl who know me see me as confident, extremely friendly and extroverted, and plus I am a multimedia teacher so I am often in public view and often 'the life of the party') -- I can totally relate to some ppl not learning social skils and confidence growing up. In fact I believe many of my problems are due to my environment as a child as my parents moved from Europe to Australia (where I live) and so had very few friends, were poor, were socially inept, suffered anxiety when/if ppl dropped by and our place was always messy, dirty, .....I realise it wasn't their fault they were poor and disadvantaged, but they were very negligent parents, never let us kids do anything (bc it was too dangerous, ie, go to the city to watch a move, bc we might be robbed, raped, kidnapped or murderd?? Imagine growing up in that environment...it's amazing I am not a total nutcase!~!

Anway, at risk of going on...I just wanted to say that I agree with Robbed in that we have to RE-LEARN SOCIAL SKILLS WHICH TAKES TIME. I still sometimes feel embarrassed if my house is messy...or I feel I don't look as good as I can, or I am not as slim as I feel I should be...the list goes on - even though I have married well, studied and became a teacher, live in a beautiful home, take good care of my health and look good...(I am not wanting to brag, but just explain how the outside world views me) ---so I don't understand how I sometimes I STILL feel insecure, judged, inadequte - it's like I still seem to live in the past and remember all the shame of living with my parents (who I do love) but they are immensely ignorant, negligent and slovenly...even today I feel depressed when I visit them and how they live. They have money but are very stingy in how they live and this deeply affected me as I never felt I was good enough. I wish I could shake this off...it's horrible and eats all your confidence. How do you escape that?? I guess I still have my hang-ups about the past even though I have in many ways moved forward. What do you think guys??

Feel free to tell me a bit more about yourself...I'm all ears...

MARSGIRL :)

[Garry]

Hello again Marsgirl! - Good to hear back from you (I trust you got my private message? If not, check it out - nice surprise for you!)

How are you today? I hope you are riding the tip of the wave, like me, as for once i feel almost feel complete - started to sleep well (havent for 2 years), settling in my new home and i feel my heart may be finally settling in the right place. It really does make you grow confident and have a completely new outlook on life, however i am still waiting for that next corner where i fall down the man hole and hit the rock at the bottom - dear oh dear, always a negative! haha. I hope that things are piecing themselves together for you and today is a good day.

As for the book (again, see my PM) i have read through a lot of it already and actually found myself lifting as i read, it makes a lot of sense and i think you will be able to RELATE to it like i did and start to overcome the problems, i know time is really the only healer in these circumstances but to have a bit of guidance and something to reference on the way that you can go back to whenever you need, is a blessing, especially if you have a digital copy that you can take with you!

I hope we can help each other too - and any advise that other people pick up along the way will be great too!

So, after reading the bit about your background, it does really sound like your in a similar position to myself - you do genuinely have a great life, but something is triggering the way you feel and making you anxious, agitated, uncomfortable and not very confident... i am the same in a way i now live in a lovely home, i am in a well paid job which i enjoy, i met the potential girl of my future and i have gone from around 15 stone to 12 stone and dropped 6 inches off my waist... people generally tell me how much i have changed and how good i now look - but it goes straight over my head and i jump straight to the negative which is - its NOT GOOD ENOUGH! and nothing ever is! I find myself getting annoyed if people dont act how i want them to, but after reading through that book (as you will hopefully find out) basically everyone has their own rule book which they stick to - not a single soul can change it; you say hello to someone in the street and give them a compliment and you expect and plan out a response that they will say in your head... they dont say it and kind of shrug it by and be on there way... how do you feel?

- They don't like YOU?
- YOU have done something wrong?
- YOU are boring them?
- YOU did something in the past? the list goes on

But in reality, everyone has their own problems and this person may be completely side tracked with their own issues - which they probably are! so its getting around the fact that not all your own thoughts are the truth which is what i generally believe and i work myself into a pit of shame thinking that everyone can read my mind and people know what i am thinking and i find it hard to look people in the eye for more than a few seconds - then want to escape. All of the above is getting better though :)

It does take time to learn social skills and as i have just moved home and i am taking the chance to start a fresh new life and learn more than i ever have before. I will start swimming again (i swam for my county for almost 8 years) i may join a social club and take up a sport, go out with new friends and meet new people - try and disassociate myself with the past so i can try to forget the bad and remember the good. That is the plan, all i can do is work hard to get there.

Please see my message and let me know :)

Take care of yourself Marsgirl, hope to hear from you soon.

Garry

[marsgirl]

Hi Garry - Thank you for the pm - just read it now! You are very kind, I am grateful for the info you will send me.

I am so happy to hear that you are finally sleeping well after 2yrs (wow) that is a LONG TIME not to sleep well. You are a real tropper for plugging away at trying to lead a normal, happy life. I find you very inspiring and must say my spirits are lifted today when i saw your post. I've also been more open with my family about feeling anxious and that I am not coping and that seems to have lifted a burden. Booked in to see a psychologist in the couple of weeks to explore CBT fills me with hope as I have never really followed that line of therapy.

Let me know how your day went and what things have popped up that may affect your anxiety and mood.

For me, it's if I have made a mistake...e.g. last month my HDD broke and I lost 4yrs of photos of my gorgeous kids, and that made me feel terribly depressed and of course I blamed myself as I hadnt backed up (stupid, stupid, stupid), ...anways, it's mulling over and crying over spilt milk that has triggered my anxiety now. I tell myself, I have the real things - my kids!! who are healthy and beautiful, photos are just photos, but as they are so young (boy, 5yrs and girl, 3yrs) I have lost many precious photos and it almost seems like a death to me, infused with enormous guilt...anways, sorry for going on, but thought I shld just put it out there what triggered my recent episode....feel free to let loose on your experiences and I hope I can be of some help..

take care, hear from you soon, garry,
marsgirl x

[marsgirl]

btw garry - CONGRATS on losing all that weight, that is certainly something to be proud of, what an achievement. Good on you!! You wil have to post some photos!
mg x