stevo
08-12-2011, 05:44 PM
hey guy's my names steven and i live in sydney australia.. i have been living in depression and heavy case of anxiety since i was a child it really breaks my heart that i lived with it for so long and though it was normal... i thought it was just because i was shy or something...
BACKROUND
so they way i found out that i had something wrong is... i was in a club with my friend for my birthday and i couldnt do it no more, i started crying in the club... because i realized i have always had a problem i could never talk to anyone, and always felt people are judging me, even at home i can't be myself. i have had some encounter's with women 6 but it was never a intrest in them because i had anxiety... it seemed walking with a girl hand in hand took away my stresses of the world..you know ever since i was young i felt left out, last one to be picked, it has affected me in school, daily atticvities , at work, no self esteem, depression, self concious all the negatives.. compulsive negative thought's.. your thinking how did i suppress all my desires.. easy im very strong willed... and it hurt's that i have been living a disadvantage life for 22 years
so how did i realize i had a problem guys.
i read the book the game.. by neil strauss.. because all i wanted to do was have a few girlfriend's or admire them.... and i definably got motivated.
so i enrolled in a pickup course.. and had probably one of the best coache's teach us...
after the first night of doing this.. i was a new man , i was life of the party, the man, enerjetic, i always had these traits but i could not bring it out because i suffer so much from depression and anxiety... i was so overwhelmed that when i was in the club i could think logically.. i started doing weird things... unimaginable things.. started doing tornado kicks out of the blue. i felt like a celebrity.. for once in my life i felt content and normal to walk down the street.. i was so happy and estatic...
so midcourse something happened.. i started becoming hi jacked(emotional brain) within the course.. not feeling content and smooth... then i tore my left knee ligament and that added.... you know no matter how many good results i was getting.. i was not happy with myself. i was negative again... and i was experiencing extremely high's and extremely lows... i was content and trying to fight the negative...
my coach told me to go see a shrink... i thought no way was this normall... also i became very spiritual aswell, and i got to say i was very articulate... i began figuring things out in seconds... my brain was opening up and i was so happy... and then somehow i began bringing back the negative thought's and trying to fight it and i returned to anxiety and depression.. i have been crying for 2 weeks, talking to mum every day... it really hurt's guys and i honestly have had thought''s of not being here... this affects work, home, me, everything and anything i do ... i am severely affected how do i know...
because when i was thinking logically for a few month's i could do things unbelievable smooth and quick and could rite very advanced..i could enjoy music for what it was..just to listen to music felt like i was in heaven because i was not worrying..
that's my story i honestly felt i was becoming so successful during these good time's my coach even told me i could earn 300k a year. i was that confident because i finally was out of my shadow and could be the guy i always wanted to be....when i thought logically.. i actually lost 10 kgs in a short amount of time because i believed
and then i slipped back into it... so is it social anxiety.. i am not sure but i can tell you my symptoms...
FEEL everyone is judging me, my movements,
never content and relaxed
struggle to want to engaged any social activities
extremely hard to be in the moment in that minute
spent most my life isolated from fun thing's as i could never focus and enjoy
hard to concentrate
basically i know i have the worst case.... i was so nie eve about the world . and it hurts like a knife in my heart because i know i am living at 10% of my potential, and it hurt's that i have been disadvantaged my whole life... and im scared i have to be this way.... rite now i have no job in debt, no self esteem, self conscious(even though i am on the good looking side it does not matter because when your anxious your face scares people away.
i checked into a shrink for this week coming.. and i read books but even then i can't focus entirely.. i am trapped in the past. and i have broken out of the anxiety a couple times in the last week but it never last's long... i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin as i have experience for the first time. it explains why i have no friends even though i am loud... it is because i am negative , and you know what people can sense it.. i have practiced the positive when i was in the course.. and let me tell you however big small ugly good looking ... if you cannot think positive or be happy it is so hard to portray that and get people to intrest you...i have never been angry , i am always light heated and big on respect... i live life like a hero... honestly if i think logically which is 1% ever.. i actually feel like a war hero that has the courage to face anything...
if i cure this .. my job will be to put my heart and soul out for people who suffer from this.. because it is tuff i am scared and sometimes wish ..you know!!!
most people would say your ok there's nothing wrong with you appreciate what you have.. how can i, i can't stop thinking.. and i refuse to suppress my desires like i have been doing.....
that's my story guy's i even find it hard to be expressive, as anxiety does this... and no matter what activities i try to do to be happy i can't focus and shake the depression.. i am so strong that i just turn a blind eye... my heart goes out to you people... honestly and truly... my goal is to be a life coach and help people somehow.. but if i can't use my intuition and i am self sabotage then what's the point of living honestly.. i don't want to fake a smile anymore, i wish i could be me... i hope there is a cure.. you know i don't do druggs or drink or smoke you know i even took a shot of extacy for my birthday and guess what because of my mind i could not even experience it this has happened 2wice just as an example how disadvantaged i am.. just want to be happy... when i think logical i want to change the world.. but i can never sustain that mood.. any advice is more then welcome.. i really am struggling to cope with life..and for the first time my mum has seen me content in my own body ... we know i have a problem... i have so much love for this world.. im the type of person to put my life on the line to help someone innocent.. but i just wish i could be my self and live a normal life..
BACKROUND
so they way i found out that i had something wrong is... i was in a club with my friend for my birthday and i couldnt do it no more, i started crying in the club... because i realized i have always had a problem i could never talk to anyone, and always felt people are judging me, even at home i can't be myself. i have had some encounter's with women 6 but it was never a intrest in them because i had anxiety... it seemed walking with a girl hand in hand took away my stresses of the world..you know ever since i was young i felt left out, last one to be picked, it has affected me in school, daily atticvities , at work, no self esteem, depression, self concious all the negatives.. compulsive negative thought's.. your thinking how did i suppress all my desires.. easy im very strong willed... and it hurt's that i have been living a disadvantage life for 22 years
so how did i realize i had a problem guys.
i read the book the game.. by neil strauss.. because all i wanted to do was have a few girlfriend's or admire them.... and i definably got motivated.
so i enrolled in a pickup course.. and had probably one of the best coache's teach us...
after the first night of doing this.. i was a new man , i was life of the party, the man, enerjetic, i always had these traits but i could not bring it out because i suffer so much from depression and anxiety... i was so overwhelmed that when i was in the club i could think logically.. i started doing weird things... unimaginable things.. started doing tornado kicks out of the blue. i felt like a celebrity.. for once in my life i felt content and normal to walk down the street.. i was so happy and estatic...
so midcourse something happened.. i started becoming hi jacked(emotional brain) within the course.. not feeling content and smooth... then i tore my left knee ligament and that added.... you know no matter how many good results i was getting.. i was not happy with myself. i was negative again... and i was experiencing extremely high's and extremely lows... i was content and trying to fight the negative...
my coach told me to go see a shrink... i thought no way was this normall... also i became very spiritual aswell, and i got to say i was very articulate... i began figuring things out in seconds... my brain was opening up and i was so happy... and then somehow i began bringing back the negative thought's and trying to fight it and i returned to anxiety and depression.. i have been crying for 2 weeks, talking to mum every day... it really hurt's guys and i honestly have had thought''s of not being here... this affects work, home, me, everything and anything i do ... i am severely affected how do i know...
because when i was thinking logically for a few month's i could do things unbelievable smooth and quick and could rite very advanced..i could enjoy music for what it was..just to listen to music felt like i was in heaven because i was not worrying..
that's my story i honestly felt i was becoming so successful during these good time's my coach even told me i could earn 300k a year. i was that confident because i finally was out of my shadow and could be the guy i always wanted to be....when i thought logically.. i actually lost 10 kgs in a short amount of time because i believed
and then i slipped back into it... so is it social anxiety.. i am not sure but i can tell you my symptoms...
FEEL everyone is judging me, my movements,
never content and relaxed
struggle to want to engaged any social activities
extremely hard to be in the moment in that minute
spent most my life isolated from fun thing's as i could never focus and enjoy
hard to concentrate
basically i know i have the worst case.... i was so nie eve about the world . and it hurts like a knife in my heart because i know i am living at 10% of my potential, and it hurt's that i have been disadvantaged my whole life... and im scared i have to be this way.... rite now i have no job in debt, no self esteem, self conscious(even though i am on the good looking side it does not matter because when your anxious your face scares people away.
i checked into a shrink for this week coming.. and i read books but even then i can't focus entirely.. i am trapped in the past. and i have broken out of the anxiety a couple times in the last week but it never last's long... i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin as i have experience for the first time. it explains why i have no friends even though i am loud... it is because i am negative , and you know what people can sense it.. i have practiced the positive when i was in the course.. and let me tell you however big small ugly good looking ... if you cannot think positive or be happy it is so hard to portray that and get people to intrest you...i have never been angry , i am always light heated and big on respect... i live life like a hero... honestly if i think logically which is 1% ever.. i actually feel like a war hero that has the courage to face anything...
if i cure this .. my job will be to put my heart and soul out for people who suffer from this.. because it is tuff i am scared and sometimes wish ..you know!!!
most people would say your ok there's nothing wrong with you appreciate what you have.. how can i, i can't stop thinking.. and i refuse to suppress my desires like i have been doing.....
that's my story guy's i even find it hard to be expressive, as anxiety does this... and no matter what activities i try to do to be happy i can't focus and shake the depression.. i am so strong that i just turn a blind eye... my heart goes out to you people... honestly and truly... my goal is to be a life coach and help people somehow.. but if i can't use my intuition and i am self sabotage then what's the point of living honestly.. i don't want to fake a smile anymore, i wish i could be me... i hope there is a cure.. you know i don't do druggs or drink or smoke you know i even took a shot of extacy for my birthday and guess what because of my mind i could not even experience it this has happened 2wice just as an example how disadvantaged i am.. just want to be happy... when i think logical i want to change the world.. but i can never sustain that mood.. any advice is more then welcome.. i really am struggling to cope with life..and for the first time my mum has seen me content in my own body ... we know i have a problem... i have so much love for this world.. im the type of person to put my life on the line to help someone innocent.. but i just wish i could be my self and live a normal life..