Hey everyone

[Silmarwen18]

So let's just cover the basics,

I'm 18, i'm stressed almost constantly and I believe it all started YEARS ago... in fact 16 years ago exactly when my dad cheated on my mum. I'm obsessive and antsy and sometimes hate myself, who I am nd how I look for no reason. I weight 50 kilos and consitantly obsess that i'm too skinny. My dad left my mum when I was two and I quite often wish he had never existed. I'm scared of being alone, I hate the dark and I am dangerously attached to my mum. Most of my horrible thoughts and fears during my struggles have been loosing my mum or watching my mum suffer. Some memories from when I was younger of my mum being in hospital or getting injured still linger and haunt me even now. When I was a child there were times when I thought my mum was dying simply because I was too young to understand why she was in hospital. (She was having surgery to correct knee problems) and this has caused me to become over protective of my mum to the point where I wish I could stop her from ever leaving my side. I have been to doctors and been diagnosed with SAD (stress and anxiety disorder) and have had a fair bit of phycology to help. My main problem is that nothing seems to work. No stress relieving techniques, tapping pressure points, absolutely nothing seems to work. And the hardest part? I struggle with my disorder randomly. One week I will be fine, happy normal me and then the next I'll be doubting my relationship, worry that I'm anoying people, scared im upsetting people and becoming too edgy and tired to focus at work which leads to me becoming paranoid about loosing my job. I've suffered panic attacks, colapsed, had all the sensations of wanting to run away and thinking i'm going to die. I don't like having my SAD days and I become increasing stressed out about when the next one will hit. (I DO NOT want to start getting agoraphobia!!)

I'm terrified that I am going to loose my boyfriend because of my constant worry that I'm doing something wrong, or being a pain, or being out of control of my emotions or that something really bad is going to happen to him. He has made me the happiest i've ever been and I don't want to loose that.

Also, im scared about my future. My life goal has always been to have a family. I'm very worried about how I'll be able to cope with having my own kids and worry that I might be too protective and scared to let them out of my sight. I'm even scared that I might give up my life goals simply because of my fears of screwing it up!

Can anyone please help me?????

Summary:

I am a friendly, happy and easy going person..... I just have a really bad stress problem.....

[charlesn]

Hello! I can relate to your fears about losing your mom. I remember when I was younger I used to make myself sick thinking about something bad happening to my mom. Then I finally realized that she wants the absolute best for me, and the best thing for me isn't to spend my time worrying about her. That's how I kind of moved beyond that, if that helps at all.

As for worrying about what is way out in the future, I'd say to just try to focus on the present and what is in front of you now. Take small steps and try not to worry about things that are so, so far away.

I am also a very happy person with a pretty easy going personality, so I understand how weird it is to have these problems. You expect people to have these problems who are angry and uptight all the time. I think maybe this is all made worse by knowing that we shouldn't feel like this. One of the best things I try to remember is that this problem does not define me. It isn't who I am, and it isn't who I want to be. It is just something that I am dealing with right now.

Hope this helps!

[batgirl]

I hope you are feeling better. I can understand where your anxiety comes from. I am older (50) and it hurts me to see a young person like you in so much pain. I had my first panic attack when I was 20, right after the birth of my first child. I had them off and on until I was 29. I was treated with medication. I was free of the panic attacks until one year ago when both of my parents died. I am now taking Ativan and it helps a lot.

I guess what I want to say to you is that it does get better. Some times anxiety just stops on its own, with no rhyme or reason. I think it would help you if you had someone you could talk to at any time of the day or night. Just someone to call and listen to you when you feel like you are freaking out. I have a couple people that I call and they never get mad at me, they always listen. That way I don't feel like I am being such a burden to my boyfriend.

I also feel like this is the happiest time of my life, even with the death of my parents. I have a wonderful partner, great children, a grandson, and a new home. I should be on cloud 9, but anxiety doesn't work like that. It will sneak up on you when you are at your happiest. It's like it is left over from all the bad times and it just comes back.

Please try to find someone who will be your "go to" person when you need them. You should always feel like you have a safety net, someone you can count on. Remember, many people get completely well from anxiety and I believe that your desire to get better will overcome your fears. You sound like a wonderful person. I wish you lived near me, I would love to help you. You are in my prayers (hope that isn't offensive). Best of luck to you. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

[Silmarwen18]

Hey charlesn and Batgirl,

Thank you for your support :)
charlesn, your advice is wonderful thank you so much. I felt instantly better just reading your post :)

Batgirl, thanks for your kind words, it's nice to have someone offering their help.
Oh, and no offenence taken in regards to prayers :) You too, are in my prayers

I hope you both recover fully and always keep smiling through everything.

Good luck and thanks again

Silmarwen :)