AtomicApple
08-07-2011, 08:02 PM
This might seem like a strange question and i know it really deosnt but thats the best way to describe whats happening to my head.
The reason i ask if it can evolve is because over the last few months its started to take over my mind so to speak, i start to get paranoid, i feel like everyones looking at me. my mind starts attacking me, it starts shouting bad things at me, its like it wants to punish me, i fear my biggest demon is self loathing.
Its vial and cruel and wants me to hate myself so much that..well i suppose you can guess.
Thats the scariest part it says bad things not wanting me to do them but saying things on purpose that it knows will hurt me, make me hate myself. Theres also the other part of this problem, it taps into all my rage which i have kept locked deep down for years. (ive never lost my temper)
It starts thinking things like
I would suddenly think, i wonder what would happen if i pulled out a gun and blew my own brains out right now. This thought right in the middle of the shop. Id start going into detail about how it would splatter and how much i could get onto the roof. Now ive never ever wanted to do anything like this but it doesnt stop my mind thinking these things. Its almost playful and casual when talking about it.
Things like destroying myself, its like some medievil vision of tourture but to myself.
There also other things when i get lost in daydream where it changes to a rage, an almost animal like state where what i can only describe as an animal attacks others. With hands, claws, teeth.
Im beginning to fear my own mind
I need help, what should i do?
The reason i ask if it can evolve is because over the last few months its started to take over my mind so to speak, i start to get paranoid, i feel like everyones looking at me. my mind starts attacking me, it starts shouting bad things at me, its like it wants to punish me, i fear my biggest demon is self loathing.
Its vial and cruel and wants me to hate myself so much that..well i suppose you can guess.
Thats the scariest part it says bad things not wanting me to do them but saying things on purpose that it knows will hurt me, make me hate myself. Theres also the other part of this problem, it taps into all my rage which i have kept locked deep down for years. (ive never lost my temper)
It starts thinking things like
I would suddenly think, i wonder what would happen if i pulled out a gun and blew my own brains out right now. This thought right in the middle of the shop. Id start going into detail about how it would splatter and how much i could get onto the roof. Now ive never ever wanted to do anything like this but it doesnt stop my mind thinking these things. Its almost playful and casual when talking about it.
Things like destroying myself, its like some medievil vision of tourture but to myself.
There also other things when i get lost in daydream where it changes to a rage, an almost animal like state where what i can only describe as an animal attacks others. With hands, claws, teeth.
Im beginning to fear my own mind
I need help, what should i do?