Does anxiety evolve?

[AtomicApple]

This might seem like a strange question and i know it really deosnt but thats the best way to describe whats happening to my head.

The reason i ask if it can evolve is because over the last few months its started to take over my mind so to speak, i start to get paranoid, i feel like everyones looking at me. my mind starts attacking me, it starts shouting bad things at me, its like it wants to punish me, i fear my biggest demon is self loathing.

Its vial and cruel and wants me to hate myself so much that..well i suppose you can guess.

Thats the scariest part it says bad things not wanting me to do them but saying things on purpose that it knows will hurt me, make me hate myself. Theres also the other part of this problem, it taps into all my rage which i have kept locked deep down for years. (ive never lost my temper)

It starts thinking things like

I would suddenly think, i wonder what would happen if i pulled out a gun and blew my own brains out right now. This thought right in the middle of the shop. Id start going into detail about how it would splatter and how much i could get onto the roof. Now ive never ever wanted to do anything like this but it doesnt stop my mind thinking these things. Its almost playful and casual when talking about it.
Things like destroying myself, its like some medievil vision of tourture but to myself.

There also other things when i get lost in daydream where it changes to a rage, an almost animal like state where what i can only describe as an animal attacks others. With hands, claws, teeth.

Im beginning to fear my own mind

I need help, what should i do?

[fallingthin]

The thoughts things sounds like bad thoughts OCD but idk if the thoughts are repetitive. If they are it sounds like OCD.
I think anxiety does evolve especially if it is untreated.

[AtomicApple]

This is bad, very very bad.

I didnt even know there was anything like it but i searched this bad thoughts ocd and it turns out you were right. It is exactly what im suffering from. At first i was relieved finally, i thought im not alone in this, its real and its treatable.

Then i went to one of the forums for this kind of thing and i read afew posts from sufferers and i was. Well it wasnt the response i was expecting from myself, i was disgusted, i recoiled literally at these people. I know it seems hypocritical but i felt nothing but hatred for the people suffering from the condition. My mind instantly jumped to a strange answer it basically said "its best if we all died, all the sufferers of this sickness. The world is better off"

My mind is in termoil. Whats wrong with me, whats wrong with this world, i want to scream till the planet itself tears apart and burns, i want there to be no trace of the human race left, all i see is sickness and evil.

Ive always followed logic and science but its not a stretch to beleive that the devil really exists. Im questioning everything i know and see in the world around me, i feel my eyes are open for the first time and i dont like what i see, infact im stunned by the fact that humanity has any delussions of it been good.

Im literally shaking right now, my chest burns if it wasnt so late at home right now i would literally be putting fist through walls and trying to find as much beer as i could and im not even a drinker. My body aches from tensing and i think i can see strands of hair falling out. Ive never felt this bad before, its bigger than the first panic attack.

I cant deal with this, not now im stuck at home and i cant even yell here, i need to deal with this but im trapped.

[AtomicApple]

Thanks, ive chilled abit now. Got the light feeling going after all that, suppose it let off some steam so to speak.