fallingthin
07-30-2011, 11:16 PM
I need some help accepting that my mom did some things to me as a child that really caused my condition to flourish and become a rancid festering garden of fear and guilt.
When i was young a few of the things that she did that stick out: forcing me to use a bucket outside instead of the toilet inside because I was perceived to have broken the already malfunctioning commode; my mom, as a form of discipline, once tried to drown me in a lake which is a very long story; my dearest mother took my clothes and made me go to a public school wearing a private school uniform everyday for several weeks because "i couldn't keep my clothes off the floor in my room"; she attempted to toughen me up for the real world by calling me racial slur and constantly disrespecting my more than reasonable boundaries(saying things i told her i didn't like,doing things i didn't like, etc.); my mom said "parenting is no fun if you can't beat your kids," she also said "no one else can hit you but me, and if someone else does I will beat you myself."
My mom more recently lied to me more times than i can count.
I still feel disconnected and can't really believe she tried to hurt me. How do you come to terms with that?
When i was young a few of the things that she did that stick out: forcing me to use a bucket outside instead of the toilet inside because I was perceived to have broken the already malfunctioning commode; my mom, as a form of discipline, once tried to drown me in a lake which is a very long story; my dearest mother took my clothes and made me go to a public school wearing a private school uniform everyday for several weeks because "i couldn't keep my clothes off the floor in my room"; she attempted to toughen me up for the real world by calling me racial slur and constantly disrespecting my more than reasonable boundaries(saying things i told her i didn't like,doing things i didn't like, etc.); my mom said "parenting is no fun if you can't beat your kids," she also said "no one else can hit you but me, and if someone else does I will beat you myself."
My mom more recently lied to me more times than i can count.
I still feel disconnected and can't really believe she tried to hurt me. How do you come to terms with that?