m3lov3r
07-30-2011, 09:58 PM
Hey Everyone,
I am a 20 year old Male and Anxiety has taken over my life.
As a side note when I talk through this post I sometimes will be talking from my mind/feelings/heart so that is how I will type them out. Some of what I say may sound exactly the same but like I said its coming from my head.
Anxiety has attacked me ever since I was a little kid (then it was referred to as being shy) and it was always hard for me to meet change or try something new.
Fast forward now into high school which was the worst. I was always worrying about my image and wanted to be accepted but it never seemed to work. Speech class might as well been hell. The exact same thing happens to me every time. My heart begins to beat extremely fast, words are slurred and people starring at me. Even thinking about it right now gives me anxiety.
Currently it is very hard for me to meet new people, do any form of change, talk to woman, listen to what people say, ect...
Now I know this isn't all anxiety but I think its some how connected.
In General I am very closed off and don't open up to anyone including my parents. Why? because that's just how it was when I was growing up. Are my parents great people? Yes, so I don't know whats wrong with me. I have no idea what I want to do with my life (kills me deeply inside), I really want to know whats holding me back, I cant connect with anyone.I do not believe in myself and I know it needs to change.
Currently I have a job I HATE but don't know what else to do and sadly I am extremely lazy. I also hate that as it ruins my day. I feel like it some disease but I am a healthy adult.
Ever since I was a little kid I always wanted to be like my brother and currently nothing has changed. He is the exact opposite of me and has everything going for him. Such as being a big model, living in NY, becoming an actor, smart and totally funny/outgoing and gets all the ladies. Now there are other aspects I don't like but those are passive.
I feel I need to open up and honestly this is my first time ever and doing this online makes it a little easier.
In the past couple of years I have lost most of my best friends that I have grown up with, one has gone into the military, other volunteering for a missions group in Texas and two moved away. I do talk to them once in a while but Its never the same as they have all changed. Am I the one wishing for no change? In turn it makes me very empty.
I wish there was some switch I could turn on so that I could be out going. When I try to be out going I know its not the real me and therefore I feel like I am turning away people. Some of this is connected to my brother as I want to be funny like him so I constantly try to brush my current condition and don't care what other people think but In the process it makes me look like an idiot who only cares about himself.
I feel like there really isn't an answer for me as I am very weak in believing.
It is very hard for me to commit to things such as classes, school and change.
For example if I miss a meeting one time it is very hard for me to go back the next week because I am thinking about what people will think of me and say.
In a nit shell I want to be different and out going but don't know how.
I wish I knew who I was.
I want to know the purpose of my life.
How to treat people the right way.
Become someone that people want to be around.
I need something to believe in.
I need to make a step and believe in it.
I need motivation and to stop being lazy.
Thanks to everyone who has read this or replied. I thank you with all my heart and hope this act of writing my ''lifes anxiety out'' will help me become a better person and learn from what you guys have to say.
And deep down this makes me excited because Im making a step.
-T
I am a 20 year old Male and Anxiety has taken over my life.
As a side note when I talk through this post I sometimes will be talking from my mind/feelings/heart so that is how I will type them out. Some of what I say may sound exactly the same but like I said its coming from my head.
Anxiety has attacked me ever since I was a little kid (then it was referred to as being shy) and it was always hard for me to meet change or try something new.
Fast forward now into high school which was the worst. I was always worrying about my image and wanted to be accepted but it never seemed to work. Speech class might as well been hell. The exact same thing happens to me every time. My heart begins to beat extremely fast, words are slurred and people starring at me. Even thinking about it right now gives me anxiety.
Currently it is very hard for me to meet new people, do any form of change, talk to woman, listen to what people say, ect...
Now I know this isn't all anxiety but I think its some how connected.
In General I am very closed off and don't open up to anyone including my parents. Why? because that's just how it was when I was growing up. Are my parents great people? Yes, so I don't know whats wrong with me. I have no idea what I want to do with my life (kills me deeply inside), I really want to know whats holding me back, I cant connect with anyone.I do not believe in myself and I know it needs to change.
Currently I have a job I HATE but don't know what else to do and sadly I am extremely lazy. I also hate that as it ruins my day. I feel like it some disease but I am a healthy adult.
Ever since I was a little kid I always wanted to be like my brother and currently nothing has changed. He is the exact opposite of me and has everything going for him. Such as being a big model, living in NY, becoming an actor, smart and totally funny/outgoing and gets all the ladies. Now there are other aspects I don't like but those are passive.
I feel I need to open up and honestly this is my first time ever and doing this online makes it a little easier.
In the past couple of years I have lost most of my best friends that I have grown up with, one has gone into the military, other volunteering for a missions group in Texas and two moved away. I do talk to them once in a while but Its never the same as they have all changed. Am I the one wishing for no change? In turn it makes me very empty.
I wish there was some switch I could turn on so that I could be out going. When I try to be out going I know its not the real me and therefore I feel like I am turning away people. Some of this is connected to my brother as I want to be funny like him so I constantly try to brush my current condition and don't care what other people think but In the process it makes me look like an idiot who only cares about himself.
I feel like there really isn't an answer for me as I am very weak in believing.
It is very hard for me to commit to things such as classes, school and change.
For example if I miss a meeting one time it is very hard for me to go back the next week because I am thinking about what people will think of me and say.
In a nit shell I want to be different and out going but don't know how.
I wish I knew who I was.
I want to know the purpose of my life.
How to treat people the right way.
Become someone that people want to be around.
I need something to believe in.
I need to make a step and believe in it.
I need motivation and to stop being lazy.
Thanks to everyone who has read this or replied. I thank you with all my heart and hope this act of writing my ''lifes anxiety out'' will help me become a better person and learn from what you guys have to say.
And deep down this makes me excited because Im making a step.
-T