Do I have Anxiety or am I going insane??

[sfan88]

Hello! I am a 24 year old male who has suffered from what I am about to write my whole life. I don't feel bad about it but I am confused as to what's going on. I had a rough childhood among other things, but in today's age I love myself, feel good about who I am, and think I am a great looking guy physically and mentally.

Well, here goes to what I have experienced. It's hard to explain so I will do my best.

I wake up in the morning, and literally just about every morning I feel either tensed, anxious, like something is "wrong" or missing, or with a feeling of "dread". Most of the time it is a combination of one of the elements - like today I woke up feeling edgy, tensed, and anxious but for no reason at all!!

Most of the time I am experiencing racing thoughts as well. My mind will start thinking about something and it's like a hamster in a cage. It just thinks and goes goes goes. I have trouble stopping it. It will be about stupid things as well, like I was thinking about this whole situation and I could not stop thinking about it for 2 hours. During that time I started getting a headache, fatigue, dizziness, lightheaded, and my mood was going down as well. On the inside I felt like I was getting irritable, angry, depressed - even though on the outside I was perfectly normal.

I also experience weird sensations right in the middle of my chest just about everyday - non stop. Right between my pecs. I either feel tightness, some pressure/tingling, a "ripping" feeling, like a "burden" or a rock is on it holding it down. I notice when I feel "happy" and "normal", that sensation goes away. I then feel incredibly relieved, and I can breathe way easier. So usually when that sensation lifts everything else follow - I am not anxious, I feel happy, I feel like nothing is wrong, and everything is well. It seems to "come and go" on it's own choosing as to when it lifts, but most of them time I feel like something is not right, or something is just off.

I can be driving in my car, listening to music, feeling "high" on life and happy and then all of a sudden that feeling starts to fade away. I go from feeling happy and excited and that feeling starts to drop. It is hard to explain, but you can literally feel it fading away.

Also, I seem to be unsure about what I want in life. When I am in my "anxious" mode, I think how I want a girlfriend, more friends, not to be lonely..but then when my "problem" fades away, I don't want any of that because I feel happy. I guess what I am saying is I constantly feel like something is wrong, or something is off. Unfortunately because of this it takes me in a downward spiral and I start digging for things that might be wrong, I get racing thoughts, my mood takes a shot, I get fatigued, tired, headaches, dizzy, lightheaded. I want to be able to feel happiness and joy all the time but there is almost always a feeling of dread, fatigue, worry, anxious over me.

Unfortunately this problem has not played in my favor. I have lost relationships because of it, and have went down "bad" paths (most specifically an eating disorder or compulsive behaviors my whole life) to cope with it all. Sometimes I feel like my mind is racing so fast I just want to talk about anything and everything because the racing thoughts are just insane. Sometimes I can't even concentrate!! I experience these feelings/sensations every single day no matter what. Everyday I am either having racing thoughts, chest pains, weird sensations like palpitations, mood swings from irritable to feeling "down" to happiness. I have not lived a day free from any of the symptoms or thoughts yet here I am happy on the outside with great looks, good personality, love myself all the time..oh it's nuts indeed!! No matter what my symptoms are I always act and be happy because I am not someone to get down. I might feel down, anxious, sad, fatigued on the inside but I do not portray that on the outside and I always act happy because that's who I am.

I BELIEVE I suffer solely from General Anxiety Disorder, but I have had a history with hypochondria and OCD too. I get a rash and think it's cancer and I am always thinking worst case scenario a lot of times. I recently got cut on my hand and was afraid I would get AIDS from it!! I new that was irrational but my mind kept telling me I would have aids and it freaked me out. I spent 3 hours on google searching "aids from a cut" to calm/ease myself.

Growing up I understand because I was teased, picked on, made fun of..had a rough father/childhood, but that's all past now. But the weird thing is I can't pinpoint it to any event in my current life. Nowadays I get up at 6am, go to work from 8 to 5, come home, play some games, then repeat. There is like no stress in my life whatsoever, so why am I suffering from this? If everything is okay shouldn't that mean I should be okay as well? People are anxious for a reason like money, financial, job - but I have nothing to be anxious about. Is it possible for me to have anxiety even if I have no fears or nothing to be anxious about??

Which brings me to I am curious if I suffer from OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, and ADHD all together? Do I have ever mental illness in the book?? Am I crazy? Someone please tell me I am not alone.. :D

[tommyf]

Sfan,
You are not alone, there are so so many people who feel exactly how you feel, I know this because I was one of them!!! You may think you dont have anything to worry about but there is something there otherwise you wouldnt feel like you do!!! But there is NOTHING wrong with you, you are probably just anxious about being anxious!!!! Ive been there, what a trap!!! I had OCD for about 10 years and it is simply a part of your subconscious mind that is looking for control and certainty in an uncertain world.
You actually mention the key to how to get better in your post, which is really exciting to me!!! You say "my mind kept telling me....." The thoughts you are having are not who you are!! Its just all the negativity you have been subjected to your whole life, stored in your subconscious mind, coming at you because its actually trying to protect you!!! Think about it, you can sit there and watch these thoughts come up, so they cant be the real you, they are just happening to you from your mind. My mind used to race at 1000000 miles an hour, I know how horrible it can be. The way out of it is very simple in theory but in practice it takes practice!! But it WORKS. Here it is: Stop giving energy to all these useless subconscious thoughts that your mind throws at you. Dont react to them, dont try and change them, just let them come in, feel the anxiety (I know its horrible) and it will pass. Once you stop reacting to the thoughts, your mind will stop giving them to you (after a while) because it will see that you are not reacting to them and so it realises you dont need them!!!!!! Its fascinating really!!! As for the physical symptoms, they are just a freebee that go with the anxiety. Get yourself checked out if you want but as you said when you are feeling alright they arent there, so they are all because of the anxiety. When you feel yourself dropping out of a good mood and starting to feel anxious, dont fight it or question it, just let it be, it will pass. Meridian point tapping is fantastic for releasing anxiety, look it up and do it. Watch out for how your mind talks to you about yourself, is it critical or helpful. Again just watch the thought come and if it isnt helpful, ask yourself, how would I choose to think about this?
Got to go but let me know if you have any questions.
Remember, you are not alone.
tom