Hello, I'm Sara.

[dredsina]

I really hope I stick with this forum because I think I could reap a lot of benefits from it, and I think I could maybe even help people myself.

I guess we all have a story, right? Well here's my story:

I'm 21 and trying to study to be an animator. "Trying" is the key word because I've struggled in school for just about my whole life, and my struggles have only gotten worse and worse. My anxiety and depression almost got me flunked out of high school, and even staying an extra year, I barely graduated. I did pretty well in community college! I got a 3.9 GPA (I totally would've gotten a 4.0, but of course I was never totally free from my anxiety during that time), and then I applied to transfer to a big university, which I started in January. From there, things spiraled downwards. In addition to general anxiety, I also have social anxiety, and the fact that I had a roommate who was a relative stranger (and spent most of her time in our room) meant that there was no place for me to escape. There was no place for me to be alone. I could not find a single place to hide. My anxiety never gave me a moment's peace. I was doing fairly well in my classes until my anxiety caught up with me and I had a catastrophic trainwreck. I started having panic attack after panic attack, became agoraphobic, even to the point of shutting myself in the closet and barricading myself under my bed. I gave up on those hiding spots because my roommate needed to use the closet and my other roommates were not as understanding about barricading myself under my bed. I was constantly on edge, trembling, twitching, tense. Predictably, I failed every class that semester (except I got a D- in a block class, which had ended halfway through the semester, otherwise I would've failed that one too). I was a mess when I got home mid-April at semester's end. I couldn't talk to anyone about what had happened. I was terribly ashamed of myself, shut myself in my room, found myself crying a lot. I'm still trying to climb out of that depression, but it's been getting worse recently because I've been trying to do illustration work for a professional client but my anxiety is preventing me from even beginning the task. I've been having panic attacks over it, too, and it's been increasingly difficult to get out of bed every day. I don't even want to draw anymore. I want to get control of my anxiety so I can have control of my life.

So yeah, that is my story!

[Marlow]

Ughh, I typed a whole long story about my life being the same but it got deleted and I dont feel like writing it again, so long story short:

I did bad, then good in HS and decided to give college a try. Did bad first semester (failed all except an aviation course) and a roommate that never selpt, felt alone, unsafe and trapped. I didnt feel like I had a home. well needless to say, my roommate failed every class as well as he was sleeping all day and staying up all night and dropped after first semester.

Did ok second semester and decided to go back for another try paying my way through, I got a job, an apartment and started rebuilding. My new roommates were cool and I knew we would get along. I got straight A's and got off of probation. It is only recently that I started having anxiety again and some depression. I started feeling rejected by my roommates, thats what kinda triggered it (happened in 10th grade when I had friend problems and became depressed, explained it better in my last passage).

When I got home this summer feeling overwhelmed things just got worse. I started on zoloft and clonazepem (for those bad ones, but havent used it in 2 weeks) after an attack almost hospitalized me. Im feeling better but still anxious. My ears seem to be ringing all the time and focus is out the door. Im completely nervous about heading back in a month but Im getting help so hopefully I feel better by then??

Anyways, I hope my message has encouraged you to not give up, You can do well again, you just need some help and by going on here youve already started. Keep in touch, dont be shy to private message me If you need to, Im here to help and be helped. Keep on, Dont give up

Regards,
Marlow

[jumpybean]

Hi Sara! I'm Kay! :)
I definitely know how you feel with anxiety preventing you from doing things.... I can't say that mine has effected my grades (yet :P) because my major problems only started to kick up this summer, but I do know how it feels to not even want to draw. I'm a deciding major in college but am seriously considering art as my major. I was planning on completing my portfolio this summer, but because of stress and my anxiety I was also unable to do much of anything at all :P. I also let my garden die and have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I feel like such a failure because I had a lot of goals this summer and I didn't complete ANY of them. So, although I don't think I'm gone through as much as you have, I can relate. I'm actually terrified about getting anxiety attacks at school because I don't know how my roommates will handle it (I'm a hypocondriac with toxiphobia and possibly some OCD.... you can look at my post for more info cuz I'm new too :D)
Some advice for now: I suggest talking to someone if you haven't already. I know it may be hard because of the social anxiety, but start with someone that you know and trust if that helps :).
Stay positive (which I know is easier said than done :P) and welcome!

<3 Kay