Introducing myself to everyone. :)

[whokilledpanda]

Hi everyone, my name is Mandy and I suffer from very severe anxiety & depression issues. I've had them for as long as I can remember because I had a very damaging childhood and teenage life. Starting from the time I was about 2 years old I was physically & verbally abused by my schizophrenic Mother. And during my teenage years I was psychologically abused by my Father who is a drug addict. I have dependency issues as well as isolation issues and I have seen a psychologist recently but only once due to lack of medical insurance. I have very few friends due to my condition and I never go out or do anything fun as a result of it. My anxiety holds me back from a lot of things in life in which I have no control over. It is a struggle for me to even function on a daily basis. My anxiety has gotten so bad over the years that its at the point now that I have panic attacks on a regular basis, I have a very hard time openly expressing how I feel to others, Suppressing my emotions, and letting go of a lot of things in my past due to how its affected me. I also do not drive as a result of this. My family is somewhat supportive in my hopes to recover and say that they will help me find the help that I need but their actions ultimately speak louder than their words. If I have any constant support I will definitely say that I find the strength in God and my boyfriend of a year in a half who has been nothing but understanding about it (He happens to have ADHD), and I am very fortunate to have him for support as well as supporting him through his struggles. We are both in an open Christian relationship and it's a very good feeling to know that we always have each other no matter what trials and tribulations we may be facing. In all honesty, this is the first time I have ever expressed any of these personal details with anyone so I'm really REALLY hoping that there are others out there just like me who struggle with the same things I do on a daily basis. I feel so alone sometimes and I just want to be normal like everyone else. Please if you can relate with me or have any kind of advice to my issues, I would very much appreciate it!

[whokilledpanda]

anyone? :(

[Steve316_ca]

Heyyy Panda! Sorry it took so long to reply, Ive been really busy with work the last few days that I barely had a chance to come on. I loved reading your post, and you are right that it does make you feel better knowing that there are others with the same problem. I guess we do kinda think alike somewhat, but with me, whenever I get into a fight with my gf my mind starts firing off good memories that Ive had with past gf's, and then thinking the famous "what if's" I dunno why this aspect of the relationship is such a big deal to me, but it completely takes ahold of me. Lately Ive been thinking about my past GF who I broke up with several months ago. I just hate the anxious thoughts that I start to have, a suddenly im on a rollarcoaster ride of scary thoughts such as "should break up with my gf who I just started dating and go back to my ex, or should I be single....blah blah blah its so DUMB! Why cant i Just let those memories go and slip away, and move on. Its like im always dwelling about the past or fretting about the future. EVen today at work, my mind started wondering and pretty soon I was in full panic. Everything seemed uncertain, i.e. jobs, friends, etc. My confidence in my abilities completely evaporates and I just become this giant ball of worry and self doubt, unable to make a decision! And that is why I just came home, and am going to bust my butt at the gym! I hope your day was a little better! Hope to hear back from you