Robert Gray
07-18-2011, 10:02 AM
Thank you in advance to anyone who answers this question honestly and actually tried to give some helpful feedback. Here's my dilemma:
I am a 19 year old male suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder and in the past I have had episodes of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Since I was about 12, my Dad and his friends have coached a Flag Rugby team for kids and the past few summers I have helped out as an assistant coach. During my time working with my Dad and his friends, I've gotten to know a lot of the kids there. There's one kid in particular who has had a large impact on me; While I've known them since I was just about there age (as our parents are good friends) I did not develop these feelings towards them until recently.
So as stated above, there is a 12 year old girl who has often approached and talked to me during rugby practice. We have known one another since the summer of 2007 as before that we never really interacted. These past few years I began to really appreciate her presence around me and began really looked forward to seeing her in the summer.
I don't understand myself why I like being with her so much, but when I am I start to feel amazing and good about myself. She always comes up to me to say hi, talks to me about random things going on in her life, complains about stuff, asks me questions ("Do you have a girlfriend?" "No,"), puts her hands on me, hugs me, holds my hand and asks me when she's going to see me next or tells me to come with her somewhere. When we were at the pool during a rugby festival, she would splash me and beg me to come into the pool with her and the other kids.
Seeing her during the summer has been something I've looked forward to over the course of each year. When I almost attempted suicide, it was her I thought of and how she made me feel that got me through those times. This is the last summer she and her brother were planning on playing Flag Rugby. I saw her yesterday and I think this very well may perhaps be the last time I ever see her. The fact that I will probably never see her again really bothers me and now I even feel a little depressed.
I understand these feelings are probably very strange and even inappropriate for someone my age to have. I know what kind of world we live in and the sickos that inhabit it, but I really want to stress that I would never do anything to even remotely harm this girl. I hope that my feelings towards her don't put me in the same category as such people.
While this girl makes me feel awesome about myself and I really care for her and want to see her again, at the same time I feel guilty for thinking and feeling this way about her. What would her parents/my parents think about me feeling like this about her? What would her cousin who I went to high school with and her brother who I befriended during rugby think of me?
So that is my story. It was very difficult for me to write so I hope that those of you who bother to answer this are at least respectful towards me about this. I suppose I could either be overreacting to this predicament or underreacting to it. Simply put, being an outcast I guess I have a sort of appreciation towards her for the affection she's shown me. After giving all the facts, is there necessarily anything wrong with me feeling this way towards this girl?
I feel terrible about this whole thing now. Both because I may never see her again and because I'm probably messed up for feeling so strongly about her. I just liked being with her, interacting with and talking to her. Yesterday I even went so far as to go to my car in the parking lot so her family could pass me as they left. She said goodbye to me and I waved goodbye to her.
Is there anything wrong with me having such a strong emotional connection this this girl and if my feelings are by any chance ok, how can I cope with not seeing her again? I guess it is disgusting and pathetic that such an insignificant person in my life could have such a strong influence on me.
***
I've posted this question on Yahoo Answers and I did get some of the feedback I was afraid of; People said that I am probably a potential pedophile. In my defense, I never have tried to nor want to do anything sexually to this girl, I just want to talk to her and be with her. She feels like a sister to me. But I suppose it's my peers who are to make the call on whether or not this makes me a child molester.
I am a 19 year old male suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder and in the past I have had episodes of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Since I was about 12, my Dad and his friends have coached a Flag Rugby team for kids and the past few summers I have helped out as an assistant coach. During my time working with my Dad and his friends, I've gotten to know a lot of the kids there. There's one kid in particular who has had a large impact on me; While I've known them since I was just about there age (as our parents are good friends) I did not develop these feelings towards them until recently.
So as stated above, there is a 12 year old girl who has often approached and talked to me during rugby practice. We have known one another since the summer of 2007 as before that we never really interacted. These past few years I began to really appreciate her presence around me and began really looked forward to seeing her in the summer.
I don't understand myself why I like being with her so much, but when I am I start to feel amazing and good about myself. She always comes up to me to say hi, talks to me about random things going on in her life, complains about stuff, asks me questions ("Do you have a girlfriend?" "No,"), puts her hands on me, hugs me, holds my hand and asks me when she's going to see me next or tells me to come with her somewhere. When we were at the pool during a rugby festival, she would splash me and beg me to come into the pool with her and the other kids.
Seeing her during the summer has been something I've looked forward to over the course of each year. When I almost attempted suicide, it was her I thought of and how she made me feel that got me through those times. This is the last summer she and her brother were planning on playing Flag Rugby. I saw her yesterday and I think this very well may perhaps be the last time I ever see her. The fact that I will probably never see her again really bothers me and now I even feel a little depressed.
I understand these feelings are probably very strange and even inappropriate for someone my age to have. I know what kind of world we live in and the sickos that inhabit it, but I really want to stress that I would never do anything to even remotely harm this girl. I hope that my feelings towards her don't put me in the same category as such people.
While this girl makes me feel awesome about myself and I really care for her and want to see her again, at the same time I feel guilty for thinking and feeling this way about her. What would her parents/my parents think about me feeling like this about her? What would her cousin who I went to high school with and her brother who I befriended during rugby think of me?
So that is my story. It was very difficult for me to write so I hope that those of you who bother to answer this are at least respectful towards me about this. I suppose I could either be overreacting to this predicament or underreacting to it. Simply put, being an outcast I guess I have a sort of appreciation towards her for the affection she's shown me. After giving all the facts, is there necessarily anything wrong with me feeling this way towards this girl?
I feel terrible about this whole thing now. Both because I may never see her again and because I'm probably messed up for feeling so strongly about her. I just liked being with her, interacting with and talking to her. Yesterday I even went so far as to go to my car in the parking lot so her family could pass me as they left. She said goodbye to me and I waved goodbye to her.
Is there anything wrong with me having such a strong emotional connection this this girl and if my feelings are by any chance ok, how can I cope with not seeing her again? I guess it is disgusting and pathetic that such an insignificant person in my life could have such a strong influence on me.
***
I've posted this question on Yahoo Answers and I did get some of the feedback I was afraid of; People said that I am probably a potential pedophile. In my defense, I never have tried to nor want to do anything sexually to this girl, I just want to talk to her and be with her. She feels like a sister to me. But I suppose it's my peers who are to make the call on whether or not this makes me a child molester.