crimsonrose
07-13-2011, 04:17 PM
HI, Ive been reading some of your stories and and they are already helping me. Just knowing I am not alone is helping me. I am a 31 year old married mother of 3. I have panic disorder. My mother has it also. I remember waking up when I was a child to her screaming. She was not beening treated properly for along time but is doing ok now. I have really started noticing them when i was pregnant with my second child but they were never severe. I found a great guy after my first relationship failed. Had another baby and was in the process of buying a home. That is when I flipped. They say buying a house is stressful but i had no idea.
I had to go to the emergency room my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest i couldnt breath. They gave me a shot of something to calm me down because my blood pressure was to high. them priscribed me xanax and sent me on my way. told me to call mental health. they also wanted me to do the meds but i think its because i looked like i was going to jump out of my seat and go running and screaming down the hallway. But that day I said NO i will not take the meds. My mom was sick my whole childhood. In bed sleeping I never got to know her. I have three kids. They have to know their mom. I fought IT and i thought I won. That was last August.
Well At the begining of this year I lost my brother at the age of 41. He overdosed on prescription meds. I thru my self into planning a wedding for myself and my hubby to deal with the loss and after that i started planning a family vacation. Well last month my father called me to tell me he had cancer in the liver, kidneys, and lungs. It sent me on another spiral. I did quit smoking tho and drinking because i was having a drink the night i fliped out again. I know they say alcohol makes it worse and smoking 26 days hand havent done either. Even tho I'd like to enjoy a glass or two with my husband, I dont because I'm scared. But I will eventually. I'm not going to let it win. I feel like I am strong and I have God in my life. Im that moment I feel weak and want to scream but i don't I cant let my kids see me do that.
I have that feeling of something scary behind me running up the back of my neck,or like my head is on fire. I get the choking thing, I yawn and can't yawn big enough to catch my breath,shaking, nausea,deja vu, thightness in my chest. I feel like i am going to die. So I kiss all my kids and my husband and tell them I love them and go lay down. My husband says i act like im saying my goodbyes..thats the way i feel and im So relieved when i wake up in the morning. I do not want to live with these feelings but I do not want meds.
I had to go to the emergency room my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest i couldnt breath. They gave me a shot of something to calm me down because my blood pressure was to high. them priscribed me xanax and sent me on my way. told me to call mental health. they also wanted me to do the meds but i think its because i looked like i was going to jump out of my seat and go running and screaming down the hallway. But that day I said NO i will not take the meds. My mom was sick my whole childhood. In bed sleeping I never got to know her. I have three kids. They have to know their mom. I fought IT and i thought I won. That was last August.
Well At the begining of this year I lost my brother at the age of 41. He overdosed on prescription meds. I thru my self into planning a wedding for myself and my hubby to deal with the loss and after that i started planning a family vacation. Well last month my father called me to tell me he had cancer in the liver, kidneys, and lungs. It sent me on another spiral. I did quit smoking tho and drinking because i was having a drink the night i fliped out again. I know they say alcohol makes it worse and smoking 26 days hand havent done either. Even tho I'd like to enjoy a glass or two with my husband, I dont because I'm scared. But I will eventually. I'm not going to let it win. I feel like I am strong and I have God in my life. Im that moment I feel weak and want to scream but i don't I cant let my kids see me do that.
I have that feeling of something scary behind me running up the back of my neck,or like my head is on fire. I get the choking thing, I yawn and can't yawn big enough to catch my breath,shaking, nausea,deja vu, thightness in my chest. I feel like i am going to die. So I kiss all my kids and my husband and tell them I love them and go lay down. My husband says i act like im saying my goodbyes..thats the way i feel and im So relieved when i wake up in the morning. I do not want to live with these feelings but I do not want meds.