jdavis84
07-04-2011, 06:46 PM
Hello,
I am 27 years old. I'm not quite sure what is wrong with me but I will start from the beginning. When I was in junior high I started to get nervous around people. I didn't exactly understand it really back then. As I got into my 8th grade year I couldn't even stand to be looked at or especially to read anything aloud or give a speech.
This continued and worsened with time. I should probably note that my mom was a single parent and worked a 3pm-1am shift (nurse). I was quite happy at home by myself and rarely went out. Well during that summer before high school I had my first experience with pot via my half-brother during a visit. I loved it, loved it so much. I felt so good, I could actually laugh and have some fun with him. Then I made friends with a couple people in my small town through a shared love for the pot.
High school started and the nervousness was full blown paranoia when I was at school. About this time I started to smoke pot pretty much all the time. Before school, at school, after school. That made it better, I started to come out of my shell some and unexpectedly I started to lose weight. I shrunk from 250 to 150, met a girl and slowly all the nervousness and paranoia faded away.
I am now 27 and a parent and I have been clean and sober for 6 years following a suicide attempt. As of a couple weeks ago, I feel like I have snapped back into those old feelings 100%. I can't stand to be inside my house when the sun sets because I start to feel lonely even though I am married. I go in and out of the house like clockwork. Oddly enough though I cannot seem to connect with people once again. My old friends have all gone and I think about them a lot. Not sure what triggered this but it is even worse than before. I have been going out and bicycling with my daughter every day hoping it would help but it doesn't seem to be. I really could use some advice. I don't want to be on xanax or anything because they seem to have bad side effects and make people a bit zombie-like. I really don't want to resort to the pot again either for my daughter's sake.
Also I have a retail job and this disconnected feeling from people around me is amplified at work.
I am 27 years old. I'm not quite sure what is wrong with me but I will start from the beginning. When I was in junior high I started to get nervous around people. I didn't exactly understand it really back then. As I got into my 8th grade year I couldn't even stand to be looked at or especially to read anything aloud or give a speech.
This continued and worsened with time. I should probably note that my mom was a single parent and worked a 3pm-1am shift (nurse). I was quite happy at home by myself and rarely went out. Well during that summer before high school I had my first experience with pot via my half-brother during a visit. I loved it, loved it so much. I felt so good, I could actually laugh and have some fun with him. Then I made friends with a couple people in my small town through a shared love for the pot.
High school started and the nervousness was full blown paranoia when I was at school. About this time I started to smoke pot pretty much all the time. Before school, at school, after school. That made it better, I started to come out of my shell some and unexpectedly I started to lose weight. I shrunk from 250 to 150, met a girl and slowly all the nervousness and paranoia faded away.
I am now 27 and a parent and I have been clean and sober for 6 years following a suicide attempt. As of a couple weeks ago, I feel like I have snapped back into those old feelings 100%. I can't stand to be inside my house when the sun sets because I start to feel lonely even though I am married. I go in and out of the house like clockwork. Oddly enough though I cannot seem to connect with people once again. My old friends have all gone and I think about them a lot. Not sure what triggered this but it is even worse than before. I have been going out and bicycling with my daughter every day hoping it would help but it doesn't seem to be. I really could use some advice. I don't want to be on xanax or anything because they seem to have bad side effects and make people a bit zombie-like. I really don't want to resort to the pot again either for my daughter's sake.
Also I have a retail job and this disconnected feeling from people around me is amplified at work.