Marlow
07-03-2011, 07:07 PM
To start things off Im a male 21 years old. To shorten things up a bit I'm going to skip my first bouts with anxiety and focus on the last 2 years.
When I first started college I tried making friends and being a fun loving person. Although I was getting to know of people and were good adequateness with them I was having trouble making any real connections with people. I began smoking pot again (the thing that triggered my panic attacks) and started having the same type of feelings. I started having frequent panic attacks and anxiety in between bouts. My grades slipped and my goon of a room mate only slept during the day. I had a major attack while giving a speech and was extremely embarrassed.
Depression set in and I began not going to any of my classes. I ended up failing all of my classes except 1 that was in the afternoon (late enough for me to get up and go). Well my room mate dropped out after the first semester leaving me with my own room. I met some people who i could connect with and began to feel better.
Having my own room gave me a place of my own that I could relax in, my grades improved to a point of confidence. I decided to go to school again the next year although on academic probation. I focused, got a job, started saving money and started being really productive for the next semester.
Since I was not eligible for financial aid because my GPA was below a 2.0 in the fall I had to pay for my school, I had a huge upswing and productivity to get all A's so I wouldn't kicked out of school, I achieved my goal and felt better then ever.
My problems started halfway through the spring semester this year, my arrogance and elevated mood from my productivity made me act like a dick to my room mates. My best friend and roommate began to exclude me from things we planned on doing together (joining a club together) and i started to feel anxious about this. my grades were average but I felt like they should be better, and my ex girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer. that was the turning point.
I had a pretty severe panic attack in a class that changed my perception, I had experienced this before earlier in my teens. I had plans to stay the summer at school but all i wanted to do was go home, I ended up heading home in hopes of getting help over the summer.
I started off having a few attacks here and there with no need to get help, things started getting worse. I began getting in a fog and feeling depersonalized, to make things worse i was having more and more severe panic attacks more and more often. I tried to remain productive but I could feel myself deteriorating. I was feeling crazier and crazier, weird thoughts, emotions. I had finally had enough and scheduled a therapy appointment.
After my first appt things got much worse, my sisters graduation party was coming up and i was unable to go outside, think about anything but my mind, over-analyzing, panic attacks about going crazy. The night before the party I was ready to go to the hospital convinced I was going to go crazy at the party the next day.
well, I didnt go crazy, just got drunk and actually had fun, was very busy that weekend and felt better.
After coming down from the weekend things got worse and worse again until wedsday (day of my appt). I had a complete nervous breakdown, I called crisis lines thinking I was going crazy, got to the point that my whole body was tingling and my face was twitching when touched. I went into the therapy slightly settled but still on edge.
That night my mother called the family doctor and got a prescription of zoloft and clonazepam to settle me down until the zoloft kicks in. I have been completely dazed and out of it ever since, depressed and depersonalized. I went to work friday and Saturday but felt like I was going to go insane again today and had to call in sick. Ive settled down after taking the clonazepam but i fear that i am goin to become schizophrenic (my aunt had the disease).
I have become completely agoraphobic and depressed by my experience, i know noone can tell me for certain whats going on but im just looking for some support
sorry for the rant
Thanks,
Marlow
When I first started college I tried making friends and being a fun loving person. Although I was getting to know of people and were good adequateness with them I was having trouble making any real connections with people. I began smoking pot again (the thing that triggered my panic attacks) and started having the same type of feelings. I started having frequent panic attacks and anxiety in between bouts. My grades slipped and my goon of a room mate only slept during the day. I had a major attack while giving a speech and was extremely embarrassed.
Depression set in and I began not going to any of my classes. I ended up failing all of my classes except 1 that was in the afternoon (late enough for me to get up and go). Well my room mate dropped out after the first semester leaving me with my own room. I met some people who i could connect with and began to feel better.
Having my own room gave me a place of my own that I could relax in, my grades improved to a point of confidence. I decided to go to school again the next year although on academic probation. I focused, got a job, started saving money and started being really productive for the next semester.
Since I was not eligible for financial aid because my GPA was below a 2.0 in the fall I had to pay for my school, I had a huge upswing and productivity to get all A's so I wouldn't kicked out of school, I achieved my goal and felt better then ever.
My problems started halfway through the spring semester this year, my arrogance and elevated mood from my productivity made me act like a dick to my room mates. My best friend and roommate began to exclude me from things we planned on doing together (joining a club together) and i started to feel anxious about this. my grades were average but I felt like they should be better, and my ex girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer. that was the turning point.
I had a pretty severe panic attack in a class that changed my perception, I had experienced this before earlier in my teens. I had plans to stay the summer at school but all i wanted to do was go home, I ended up heading home in hopes of getting help over the summer.
I started off having a few attacks here and there with no need to get help, things started getting worse. I began getting in a fog and feeling depersonalized, to make things worse i was having more and more severe panic attacks more and more often. I tried to remain productive but I could feel myself deteriorating. I was feeling crazier and crazier, weird thoughts, emotions. I had finally had enough and scheduled a therapy appointment.
After my first appt things got much worse, my sisters graduation party was coming up and i was unable to go outside, think about anything but my mind, over-analyzing, panic attacks about going crazy. The night before the party I was ready to go to the hospital convinced I was going to go crazy at the party the next day.
well, I didnt go crazy, just got drunk and actually had fun, was very busy that weekend and felt better.
After coming down from the weekend things got worse and worse again until wedsday (day of my appt). I had a complete nervous breakdown, I called crisis lines thinking I was going crazy, got to the point that my whole body was tingling and my face was twitching when touched. I went into the therapy slightly settled but still on edge.
That night my mother called the family doctor and got a prescription of zoloft and clonazepam to settle me down until the zoloft kicks in. I have been completely dazed and out of it ever since, depressed and depersonalized. I went to work friday and Saturday but felt like I was going to go insane again today and had to call in sick. Ive settled down after taking the clonazepam but i fear that i am goin to become schizophrenic (my aunt had the disease).
I have become completely agoraphobic and depressed by my experience, i know noone can tell me for certain whats going on but im just looking for some support
sorry for the rant
Thanks,
Marlow